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Future Sister-In-Law issues

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Re: Future Sister-In-Law issues

  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011

    you know what other decision you made that i don't agree with?  that dress.

    SO THERE.  I HATE WHATS I HATE.

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  • crys-cryscrys-crys member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Here'd the thing, your FSIL may very well be a bitch but seating married couples seperately is very rude and you obviously aren't willing to work out some solution for it. Also, I hate this "my day" B.S. Weddings are about joining two families and when someone insists its about "me, me, me" they are acting very selfish.
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  • LnR70707LnR70707 member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I have no trouble with a head table (I think sweetheart tables are stupid an AWish)
    because all the adults I know are mature enough to get along with other adults (and the 2 SO's not at the head table were happy to sit with other people their age that they semi-knew).  BUT...you both have major issues and need to grow the hell up.
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  • crys-cryscrys-crys member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I have no idea on the lingo.

    AWish??

    ETA: I think I got it! Attention Whoreish! Ha! Am I right?!
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  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    attention whore-ish
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  • crys-cryscrys-crys member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    LOL. I figured it out and edited just as you answered.
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  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    You're taking this "it's OUR wedding: thing too far if you want absolute control over where people sit when they eat, to the point that you don't give a damn where they actually want to sit and with whom.  The idea of seating charts is to make the GUESTS more comfortable, to make sure they're with people they enjoy and will have a good time.  It's not an opportunity for the bride and groom to passive-aggressively attack people.
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  • kjnh923kjnh923 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Wow, this is getting kind of crazy. (No reason to get so mean people) I don't see the commotion everyone is making against SmithMcFarlane. It's a little odd to have someone who isn't in the bridal party to sit at the head table. (Never did I realize before that ppl don't even like head tables) Also, I've seen couples/spouses split up all the time because only one is in the bridal party...Never an issue. For instance my sister is my moh and my bil (her husband) isn't in the wedding party/at the head table)So, yes, I'm one of the few that agree that your fsil is making too big of a deal. Like you said...It's only 30 minutes apart from her precious D.

    Do you know any of her friends? Could one of them plus a date be invited to lessen the tension?
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  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_future-sister-law-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:05fdc461-fabe-4eea-9674-c89f6b50bea9Post:1195a9a9-4422-4829-a226-6da566db993b">Re: Future Sister-In-Law issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Wow, this is getting kind of crazy. (No reason to get so mean people) I don't see the commotion everyone is making against SmithMcFarlane.</strong> It's a little odd to have someone who isn't in the bridal party to sit at the head table. (Never did I realize before that ppl don't even like head tables) Also, I've seen couples/spouses split up all the time because only one is in the bridal party...Never an issue. For instance my sister is my moh and my bil (her husband) isn't in the wedding party/at the head table)So, yes, I'm one of the few that agree that your fsil is making too big of a deal. Like you said...It's only 30 minutes apart from her precious D. <strong><font color="#ff0000">Do you know any of her friends? Could one of them plus a date be invited to lessen the tension?
    </font></strong>Posted by kjnh923[/QUOTE]
    It's called lurking.  You should try it.

    Inviting a friend and a date to occupy the SIL is silly.  And unnecessary, if the OP is smart enough to adjust her seating chart...TEN MONTHS OUT.
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  • Zippy88kZippy88k member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ever heard of being shy? Clearly not. I'm certain you'll never get the tide of this discussion to go in your favor, so you might want to quit while you're behind.
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  • angelfire02angelfire02 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow people on here are vicious!  Look, the way I see it this is your wedding and you should be allowed to do what you want.  If you want a head table (I happen to like them) then have a head table.  Talk to your brother about where he will be seated and why (he is in the wedding) and why his seemingly LOVELY wife will not be sitting by him (she's not in the wedding).  They should both be old enough to understand that this is what you do when one spouse is in the wedding and the other is not.  Not a huge deal, and yes maybe if you liked her and wanted her to be a bigger part of your day you would move some things around, but if she is not nice to you then you just need to find her a freaking seat and tell her to shut up. Don't be mean for the sake of your and your brother's relationship, but it sounds to me like she is the one who is being unreasonable on a day when she should just come and support her husband.  Good luck! (And try not to get all caught up on all the nasty comments from other people who may have been exactly where your sister in law is right now..... :)
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  • Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_future-sister-law-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:05fdc461-fabe-4eea-9674-c89f6b50bea9Post:e20ff9fd-03b6-4fcc-b7df-506eb2f94074">Re: Future Sister-In-Law issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow people on here are vicious!  Look, the way I see it <strong>this is your wedding and you should be allowed to do what you want.</strong>  If you want a head table (I happen to like them) then have a head table.  Talk to your brother about where he will be seated and why (he is in the wedding) and why his seemingly LOVELY wife will not be sitting by him (she's not in the wedding).  They should both be old enough to understand that this is what you do when one spouse is in the wedding and the other is not.  Not a huge deal, and yes maybe if you liked her and wanted her to be a bigger part of your day you would move some things around, but if she is not nice to you then you just need to find her a freaking seat and tell her to shut up. Don't be mean for the sake of your and your brother's relationship, but<font color="#ff0000"><strong> it sounds to me like she is the one who is being unreasonable on a day when she should just come and support her husband.  </strong></font>Good luck! (And try not to get all caught up on all the nasty comments from other people who may have been exactly where your sister in law is right now..... :)
    Posted by angelfire02[/QUOTE]

    <strong>
    ^^even if it means alienating every person in your group of friends and all of your family by showing your true colors as a giant bitch - your advice is the reason people become obnoxious self-entitled asses over what is essentially a party.
    </strong>

    <strong><font color="#ff0000">^^^because not being comfortable around people and wishing to be near the only person you're familiar with makes you "mean" and separating couples is totally alright as long as it's what the bride wants. While we're at it let's just shake down all the guests because it's what the bride wants. </font></strong>
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  • **O-Face****O-Face** member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Oh and not to be picky, but she's not upset about being left out of the head table, but the lovely OP won't even include her in the "family" table though essentially she WILL be family.
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  • SmithMcFarlaneSmithMcFarlane member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    um...wow...I never said she wouldn't be at a family table, and guess what?!  she separated spouses at HER wedding for a head table.  So why would she think our wedding is any different?  I really honest think that all of you are very opinionated and need to grow up and realize that as adults you may be put in uncomfortable situations.  Its only 30 minutes to an hour that she would have to spend away from him, and she will be sitting with family she knows!  I have tried and tried and tried to deal with this girl, but she honestly seems to think that she is the only one that can love D.  I did more research on this as most of you were being douche bags, and even on this website it says that head tables are fine.  You don't like them, fine so be it.  I do, and I want one, as does FI.  I also feel that you think I should cater to this chicks every need...seriously, the whole day, she will be apart from him for what, 15 minutes during our short ceremony and about an hour during the meal.  I have been in that very position before and I didn't bitch and moan about it, but hey continue the bad comments and trash talking our plans.  Also if you read back, I was asking how to handle her, not how to change our wedding to please everyone.  Pretty sure if we tried to make everyone happy, our wedding wouldn't be ours anymore.  Weddings in my opinion are suppose to represent the couple, not everyone else who is there!
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_future-sister-law-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:05fdc461-fabe-4eea-9674-c89f6b50bea9Post:a7f26e8c-173a-442b-ae28-58cb0fc54e65">Re: Future Sister-In-Law issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]um...wow...I never said she wouldn't be at a family table, and guess what?!  she separated spouses at HER wedding for a head table.  So why would she think our wedding is any different?  I really honest think that all of you are very opinionated and need to grow up and realize that as adults you may be put in uncomfortable situations.  Its only 30 minutes to an hour that she would have to spend away from him, and she will be sitting with family she knows!  I have tried and tried and tried to deal with this girl, but she honestly seems to think that she is the only one that can love D. <strong> I did more research on this as most of you were being douche bags, and even on this website it says that head tables are fine.</strong>  You don't like them, fine so be it.  I do, and I want one, as does FI.  I also feel that you think I should cater to this chicks every need...seriously, the whole day, she will be apart from him for what, 15 minutes during our short ceremony and about an hour during the meal.  I have been in that very position before and I didn't bitch and moan about it, but hey continue the bad comments and trash talking our plans.  Also if you read back, I was asking how to handle her, not how to change our wedding to please everyone.  Pretty sure if we tried to make everyone happy, our wedding wouldn't be ours anymore.  Weddings in my opinion are suppose to represent the couple, not everyone else who is there!
    Posted by SmithMcFarlane[/QUOTE]

    HAAAAAAAA! HAHAHAHA!  You did 'research'?  HAAHAHAHA!

    I do believe this is the first time I've been called a douche bag on TK.

    Anyway, way to miss the point.  The point we were *all* making is that your attitude in general towards your FSIL sucks and that using your wedding to further alienate her is a bad, bad plan if you wish to continue to have a relationship with your brother. 

    You don't like her, we get it.  And from what you're saying, maybe she hasn't made it easy to like her.  But as NOLA said, there is an art to tolerating people that you're not necessarily wild about.  You could try to handle this situation with some finesse.

    But it's all about YOUR DAY, YOUR DAY, YOUR DAY...So good luck with your relationship with your brother and SIL in the future.
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  • SmithMcFarlaneSmithMcFarlane member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_future-sister-law-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:05fdc461-fabe-4eea-9674-c89f6b50bea9Post:b8e6c3ee-4462-4250-b98c-1c8ba0baf330">Re: Future Sister-In-Law issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]you know what other decision you made that i don't agree with?  that dress. SO THERE.  I HATE WHATS I HATE.
    Posted by hmonkey[/QUOTE]



    LOL, that dress?  you mean the one that I have on my profile that isn't even what my dress looks like, yeah...way to be stupid
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  • fishgirl77fishgirl77 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    As adults are we put in uncomfortable situations?  Yep.  But you are hosting a party (your reception) and you are intentionally making a guest uncomfortable.  In my book, that's bad hosting.

    You're putting a lot of effort into being right, as if that will get you something in return.  Well, it will.  Your SIL already believes your family doesn't like her.  Seating her in a location when she has expressed to sit somewhere else will only reinforce her beliefs that you and your family don't like her.  This will likely impact your relationship with your brother. 

    As for your options, you can keep your current seating arrangement or you can change them.  You almost certainly cannot change her mind to see that you are "right", which appears to be important to you.  She may not be appreciative if you do seat her where she asked, but she will certainly have issues if you stick with your plan. 

    It just seems like a really minor and unimportant thing to be the hill to die on.
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  • chiwawachiwawa
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    First of all take a deep breath.  And another.  Good.  Now ask yourself honestly: Is it more important to you to preserve the seating chart or to have a bit of peace in the family?  That is the choice you have before you. 

    You have ten months, you can easily change the seating chart if you decide to.  If the tables at your venue/you've already chosen only seat eight, look into renting a larger one.  They'll be married, and it is really rude to split up married people.  I've never understood that about head tables.  I was in my best friend's wedding in May, and I had to sit at the head table while FI had to find somewhere else to be.  Thankfully, some other friends of ours were there, but if they hadn't been he wouldn't have known anyone who wasn't at the head table.  Some people are outgoing and make friends easily, others find it very difficult to talk to strangers.  I'm guessing your FSIL falls into the second category.  People might not complain about being separated from their SO's because of a head table, but that doesn't mean it doesn't suck.  It just means they have the good grace not to gripe at the bride and groom at the wedding.  Four of the six people in our wedding party are married to people who aren't in the wedding party.  We're seating them all together with their spouses.  The single people happen to be my brother and his sister, so we're going to have them sit with our parents.  FI and I will be at a lovely table for two.  :)  Not that it matters to you what we're doing, but just to let you know there are other ways to organize people.  I think it would be a nice gesture to your FSIL and might be just the olive branch your relationship needs.

    If you decide that you'd rather preserve your seating chart than make peace, then just stop talking to her about it.  It's the only way to stop the headach you're getting from her complaining about it all the time.  But don't expect to be close to either her or your brother after that, because you'll have made your choice.  Sorry if that seems harsh, but that's just the way it works.

    Whatever you decide to do, I wish you luck!    
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  • angelfire02angelfire02 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow, I'm just going to say I'm glad I don't have any bitchy friends like the people on here coming to my wedding!  Sit people where you want them.  The end.  And ENJOY THE DAY!!! :)  Don't let her drama become yours.  And don't let people who obviously have nothing better to do than post thousands and thousands of opinions on here get to you.  End this whole discussion on a high note and do what you feel ok with doing.
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_future-sister-law-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:05fdc461-fabe-4eea-9674-c89f6b50bea9Post:b79301d6-cf62-435a-852c-4b6deff4cb65">Re: Future Sister-In-Law issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow, I'm just going to say I'm glad I don't have any bitchy friends like the people on here coming to my wedding!  Sit people where you want them.  The end.  And ENJOY THE DAY!!! :)  Don't let her drama become yours.  And don't let people who obviously have nothing better to do than post thousands and thousands of opinions on here get to you.  End this whole discussion on a high note and do what you feel ok with doing.
    Posted by angelfire02[/QUOTE]

    LOL

    The new "END OF REPLIES!" and it didn't even come from the OP. 
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  • chiwawachiwawa
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_future-sister-law-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:05fdc461-fabe-4eea-9674-c89f6b50bea9Post:b79301d6-cf62-435a-852c-4b6deff4cb65">Re: Future Sister-In-Law issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow, I'm just going to say I'm glad I don't have any bitchy friends like the people on here coming to my wedding!  Sit people where you want them.  The end.  And ENJOY THE DAY!!! :)  Don't let her drama become yours.  And don't let people who obviously have nothing better to do than post thousands and thousands of opinions on here get to you.  End this whole discussion on a high note and do what you feel ok with doing.
    Posted by angelfire02[/QUOTE]

    It's really nice of you to jump in here with all 2 of your posts and rag on everyone, angelfire02.  But, the thing is, OP <strong>asked</strong> for our opinions.  She asked for advice.  Just because she didn't get what she wanted to hear doesn't mean it's appropriate to jump in and start calling people names.  Really classy. 
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  • SmithMcFarlaneSmithMcFarlane member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    wow people, just let it go, obviously there are very different opinoins on here.  And yeah, you do seem bitchy when you attack people. 
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  • alyssalowealyssalowe member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Well. I was bored so I'll let you know what we are doing for ours. We are not having a head table we are having a sweetheart table which I agree is a little aw'ish but oh well. We plan on being up and around talking to our guests during dinner and not leaving our bridal party sitting in a display case. (lol. the head table if you have one is on a riser making you higher then everyone... um no thanks)
     
    One of my brothers is in my bridal party too and my fsil and I dont exactly get along so I understand the situation...BUT it is a very family oriented event, so if you dont want to further disolve the relationship with your brother you need to re-evaluate what your doing. I have appx 50 people for my side of the family all of whom my fsil knows. She wont be sat with my parents but instead with the cousins that are our age (WITH my brother and other siblings and their s/o's) all of whom she hangs out with and will be comfortable with whenever we have things that the bridal party will be away from their s/o's.

    If you dont like the advice the knotties are giving you then you need to not post questions. You will not always get the answer you are hoping will reaffirm you can do whatever you want because you want it. Words will get twisted and you may not be a bitc* like your comming off as but thats what you get when you post to people on the internet that you do NOT KNOW!  Im positive there is more to the story then you are telling so end the thread and stop responding to people since you wont do what they suggest.

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