WWWWD?

6fsn

You have a friend that has always been a little strapped for cash.  She doesn't comment on it much, but you know money is always just a bit tight.  You are chatting and she comments that she's eaten the same thing 4 days in a row because it's cheap and filling and all she has.  She also comments that she'll need to eek out the gas to get to work this week.  FTR- she's not complaining just stating it as fact. 

krizzo17

Any chance there's something you could use help with? The gift card might go over better if she helps you move something, paint a room, babysit, etc.

GBCK

I vote 'leave a bag of groceries' because in my family, that's what we'd do--but we'd find an excuse.

"Oh, Friend, the Mr. screwed up and bought 3 bags of *wonderful food of some sort* that I just can't STAND (lie)...I can't take it back and I'd hate to have it go bad, could you use it?"

"Oh, friend, my MIL gave me this gift card to speedy-gas-stations...there are no speedy-stations near me, could yo uuse it?"

Lying to take away the 'charity' part of it, it's what we do.

6fsn

She already helped me scrub the house top to bottom and I paid her for that.  Her washing machine has been broken for 2 months and she comes up to do laundry once a week.  I feed her dinner then. 

I was planning on getting a store gift card and just leaving it in her door with no note or anything

*Barbie*

i would avoid getting involved in a friend's financial issues.

you didn't mention *why* she was having problems (or has a history of such), but i guess i'm just cold-hearted and feel like it would be her issue to deal with.

zsazsa-stl

You could also mail it annonymously. 

I'm rolling my eyes at you, Barbie.  6 says she wants to help, she shouldn't have to justify that.  Sometimes you can help people even though they don't "deserve" it. 

PMeg819

Heaven forbid someone take responsibility or deal with their own past mistakes Barbie. We don't all get life on a silver platter with you. I'd personally mail something anonymously like a grocery store gift card. Print out a little note and send it in the mail or drop it on her front door.

6fsn

I thought about mailing it, but was afraid it would get lost.  I did just remember a Kroger card we got for Christmas.  The closest one is 25 mins away, but friend works near one.  She'd be able to use that for gas or food and I could play that off as it's not convenient for us to use. 

There's a recipe I'm making next week that makes a TON.  It doesn't lend itself to shrinking so I'll have her up and send her home with leftovers. 

baconsmom

I voted Ron Paul because I can't not, but I'd drop some money on a gas or grocery gift card (or both) and pop it in the mailbox. Or maybe just the gas card and then invite her over for dinner a couple nights, or drop off some leftovers ("It's just too much, we'll never eat it all!"). 

*Barbie*

6 didn't ask what SHE should do, she asked what WE would do. i answered her question.

i don't believe in giving people handounts when they are in a bad situation due to their own poor choices. it's just enabling continued poor choices.

NOLABridesmaid

I also know that some people are born into some HARD situations, and my story isn't their story, so I don't know what I might have had to do to survive if I were in their shoes. None of us do.

I thank God for putting people in my path to help me along the way, and I hope that I was placed in other peoples path to help them along the way.

6's thoughtful gift might give her renewed strength to keep on and do the things that she needs to do for herself and  her daughter to break that cycle.

pegasuskat

Nola, I wish I knew you IRL, you sound like such a great person.  Your not perfect of course but freely admit it when your "human", and sincerely sound like you love to help people.

And 6, your a good friend.  I know you have talked about this woman before and you go out of your way to help her, but still sound like you tell her from time to time when she messes up, everybody need that kind of friend.

6fsn

Very, very well said Nola.  I have been very blessed in my life and I want to pass it on.  This gift will have no impact on me, but it will mean a lot to her.

*Barbie*

looks like i'm not the only one who would mind my own business, just the only one willing to defend my choice. :-)

EdsdollfaceJen

I voted gift card...I had a friend that was like this and I helped as much as I could...but after all my help she came to expect it and I stopped. I don't think your friend will do that, and really it was my fault for helping too often.

GBCK

I think band-aids have a lot of psychological power...

and I think band-aids can do a lot.

Speaking out of my white, middle-class, priveldge...it's the stupid, over-used-starfish thing.  $20 in groceries isn't going to make the issues all better, but it may make today better...the $25 in gas so someone can make it to their job doesn't make the budget issue go away but it can be a bridge that keeps things together until they can work long enough to get the paycheck and fix the budget issue--band-aids serve a purpose too. 

 (On some level, that's 'giving a man a fish' but on another level, someone who is hungry doesn't want to learn to bait a hook.)

PMeg819

It's the principle of paying it forward sometimes Barbie. You do something nice for someone, and one day they do something nice for someone else. LIke NOLA said, it may not make or break her, but it makes one day easier. And maybe one day when things are a bit easier, she remembers that gesture and does it for someone else.

I'm curious to know who really deserves your charity or donations Barbie? You seem to think that every is just waiting for a handout and that if they just worked harder, then they'd have what you have or better. Life isn't that simple and it isn't always that easy for some people. We all make mistakes in life, and we all do with what we have. Do some people abuse the system? Yes. Maybe I'm overly optimistic but I'd like to think that there are more out there who don't, who are effected by the bad actions of those people, who don't get the help they need.

ReturnOfKuus

I voted Ron Paul, but yeah, I'd just keep inviting her over for dinner, making big batches, and sending leftovers home with her because "there's not enough room in our fridge". 

*Barbie*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_wwwwd-69?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:065b15e6-9293-4ef6-93f9-2f2118c9bb07Post:85c5b951-61c1-4014-b3bb-a73743c3103e">Re: WWWWD?</a>:
[QUOTE] I'm curious to know who really deserves your charity or donations Barbie? You seem to think that every is just waiting for a handout and that if they just worked harder, then they'd have what you have or better. Life isn't that simple and it isn't always that easy for some people. We all make mistakes in life, and we all do with what we have. Do some people abuse the system? Yes. Maybe I'm overly optimistic but I'd like to think that there are more out there who don't, who are effected by the bad actions of those people, who don't get the help they need.
Posted by PMeg819[/QUOTE]

i currently donate to several medical organizations - research for cures/treatments.

i would feel differently about the situation if the person involved was not causing her own problems.

for example, if the friend was having financial issues because her kid had cancer and she was missing work and going broke paying for care - the friend could not help that situation and i would be happy to step in and help her out with food/rides/etc..

in a case where a friend is having financial issues, yet is maxing out credit cards on buying luxury items/ taking out loans for vacations (she actually did that?!)/generally making poor financial decisions, i would not be inclined to help. 

6fsn

She is not maxing out her credit cards.  She has actually paid them off and is doing everything in her power not to charge anything.  Her kid may not have cancer, but she does have a mental illness.  The vacation was 10 years ago and she has learned from that mistake and has kicked herself in the ass ever since.  I'm not going to continue to kick her too.

Friend has not caused her own problems in a decade and I'm not sure where I gave that impression.  She doesn't have cable or a landline or a fancy phone.  She doesn't have new clothes or drive a fancy car.  She has a full time job that pays $11/hr.  That makes money a little tight.

*Barbie*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_wwwwd-69?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:065b15e6-9293-4ef6-93f9-2f2118c9bb07Post:7a8e4106-c80b-4a9a-b790-504facb91722">Re: WWWWD?</a>:
[QUOTE]i would avoid getting involved in a friend's financial issues. you didn't mention *why* she was having problems (or has a history of such), but i guess i'm just cold-hearted and feel like it would be her issue to deal with.
Posted by *Barbie*[/QUOTE]

6 - i'm going back to my original response to your question of "WWWD?"

I would mind my own business.

you have chosen to step in and do what you can to help. you know her situation better than you can convey to anyone on here. i hope that whatever help you choose to give her will provide her with a better quality of life, and pull herself out of the ongoing issues.

NFT

NOLABridesmaid

hee.
nft