I really need some help and guidance!!!

jaxdupont

I got engaged in December, but my wedding plans are not happening. I know what I want, and although my wedding is in 2012, I want to solidify at least a few things like the venues and photographer right away. Only problem is...money.

We have no money, and stuff costs money. My dad has agreed to give us some money, but it's no where near enough. I just graduated from college and I'm looking for work, and my fiance is working at Target and bringing in some money and just trying to save enough so we can at least put money down for a date at the reception venue we want. And then there's the fact that he's too chicken $#!^ to ask his parents if they are going to be contributing to the wedding. He's an only child, and I don't see why they wouldn't. All I know is that I'm not asking them.

Besides all of that, my mom and my sister have been on my ass because they think I'm spending a ton of money on an extravagant wedding. If anything, I'm guessing that my budget is going to be between $12,000-$15,000 and there is so much that I'm not going to be able to do and I want them to get off of my backs SO badly! I'm going with a hip, old brewery in Milwaukee (that's where I'm from) for my reception, and the cost is dramatically less than ANYWHERE else. I'm just getting so sad from having zero support

loveshine1

You know, you only need a JOP to get married. Just sayin'.

MrsMyrtle

Well, you're not going to get much support around here with an attitude like that.

Save your money and wait until you have enough to have the wedding you want. Period.

TheDuckis

Um, your FI is absoutely right for not asking his parents for money. If they wanted to contribute, they'd offer.

If you can't afford the wedding you want in 2012, wait until 2013 or 2014.

Butter Cookie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_really-need-guidance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:0859c2c8-593a-496c-a5be-715c8bcdd99aPost:d5981ec6-5616-40ac-beac-b203d8b11e1d">I really need some help and guidance!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I got engaged in December, but my wedding plans are not happening. I know what I want, and although my wedding is in 2012, I want to solidify at least a few things like the venues and photographer right away.

Only problem is...money. We have no money, and stuff costs money. My dad has agreed to give us some money, but it's no where near enough. I just graduated from college and I'm looking for work, and my fiance is working at Target and bringing in some money and just trying to save enough so we can at least put money down for a date at the reception venue we want. And then there's the fact that he's too chicken $#!^ to ask his parents if they are going to be contributing to the wedding. He's an only child, and I don't see why they wouldn't.

All I know is that I'm not asking them.

Besides all of that, my mom and my sister have been on my ass because they think I'm spending a ton of money on an extravagant wedding. If anything, I'm guessing that my budget is going to be between $12,000-$15,000 and there is so much that I'm not going to be able to do and I want them to get off of my backs SO badly! I'm going with a hip, old brewery in Milwaukee (that's where I'm from) for my reception, and the cost is dramatically less than ANYWHERE else. I'm just getting so sad from having zero support
Posted by jaxdupont[/QUOTE]

You need to slow down and start saving money yourself. Don't count on money that's not in your hands. Get a part time job, day dream on the internet, and don't worry about anything (venue, or otherwise) until next year. Even then only book the big stuff and then worry about the little stuff.

Heffalump

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_really-need-guidance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:0859c2c8-593a-496c-a5be-715c8bcdd99aPost:d5981ec6-5616-40ac-beac-b203d8b11e1d">I really need some help and guidance!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I got engaged in December, but my wedding plans are not happening. I know what I want, and although my wedding is in 2012, I want to solidify at least a few things like the venues and photographer right away. Only problem is...money. We have no money, and stuff costs money. My dad has agreed to give us some money, but it's no where near enough. I just graduated from college and I'm looking for work, and my fiance is working at Target and bringing in some money and just trying to save enough so we can at least put money down for a date at the reception venue we want. And then there's the fact that he's too chicken $#!^ to ask his parents if they are going to be contributing to the wedding. He's an only child, and I don't see why they wouldn't. All I know is that I'm not asking them. Besides all of that, my mom and my sister have been on my ass because they think I'm spending a ton of money on an extravagant wedding. If anything, I'm guessing that my budget is going to be between $12,000-$15,000 and there is so much that I'm not going to be able to do and I want them to get off of my backs SO badly! I'm going with a hip, old brewery in Milwaukee (that's where I'm from) for my reception, and the cost is dramatically less than ANYWHERE else. I'm just getting so sad from having zero support
Posted by jaxdupont[/QUOTE]
$12,000-$15,000 for a wedding <em>is</em> extravagant if you can't afford it.  Which it sounds like you can't.  Scale back your plans.

As for your FI not asking his parents for cash, that's not called being chickenshit, it's called being an adult.  If they want to contribute, they'll offer.  Adults don't go panhandling to help pay for something they want.

frenchy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_really-need-guidance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:0859c2c8-593a-496c-a5be-715c8bcdd99aPost:d5981ec6-5616-40ac-beac-b203d8b11e1d">I really need some help and guidance!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]And then there's the fact that he's too chicken $#!^ to ask his parents if they are going to be contributing to the wedding. He's an only child, and I don't see why they wouldn't. All I know is that I'm not asking them.
Posted by jaxdupont[/QUOTE]

Whaaaat?

Sorry girly, but the only one who is financially obligated in this situation is you and your fiance.  You should never assume that anyone is responsible for contributing <em>anything</em>, including his parents, no matter the situation.  Get that thought out of your head right now, or you're in for a long two years of disapointment and stress.  If they do contribute, great.  If they don't, you don't ask them to.  You don't hold it against them. You move on and be a grown up.

You have about 2 years.  I suggest you either sit down and come up with a savings plan, or plan a wedding you can realistically afford to pay for by yourselves.

baconsmom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_really-need-guidance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:0859c2c8-593a-496c-a5be-715c8bcdd99aPost:d5981ec6-5616-40ac-beac-b203d8b11e1d">I really need some help and guidance!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I got engaged in December, but my wedding plans are not happening. I know what I want, and although my wedding is in 2012, I want to solidify at least a few things like the venues and photographer right away. Only problem is...money. We have no money, and stuff costs money. My dad has agreed to give us some money, but it's no where near enough. I just graduated from college and I'm looking for work, and my fiance is working at Target and bringing in some money and just trying to save enough so we can at least put money down for a date at the reception venue we want. <strong>And then there's the fact that he's too chicken $#!^ to ask his parents if they are going to be contributing to the wedding</strong>. He's an only child, and I don't see why they wouldn't. All I know is that I'm not asking them. Besides all of that, my mom and my sister have been on my ass because they think I'm spending a ton of money on an extravagant wedding. If anything, I'm guessing that my budget is going to be between $12,000-$15,000 and there is so much that I'm not going to be able to do and I want them to get off of my backs SO badly! I'm going with a hip, old brewery in Milwaukee (that's where I'm from) for my reception, and the cost is dramatically less than ANYWHERE else. I'm just getting so sad from having zero support
Posted by jaxdupont[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>He's polite, which is more than I can say about you. You're unemployed, your fiance works at Target, and you're planning a $15,000 PARTY? No. </div><div>
</div><div>Have a cake and punch reception at the church hall, or a small luncheon after a JOP ceremony. Start living within <em>your</em> means - yours, not your parents'! -  or you'll be divorced in less than five years, I can guarantee it. 

</div>

*Barbie*

You should totally take out a loan if you can't save the $$$ - your parents and fILs are real jerks for not paying for your big expensive party. make sure you hold out on grandkids until they buy your house. 

*blowing puppies and rainbows up your ass*

katorigasuki

a) 2012?  you got plenty of time. not on a target salary, but still.

2) NO ONE OWES YOU A DIME.  pay for the wedding you can afford.  if that means JOP, then do that. 

iii) $12 - 15K IS  an extravagant wedding.  my wedding cost less than $7,000.  it was quite nice and everything we wanted.  get off your high maintanence cross and start working towards what you can afford. 

hmonkey

it doesn't sound like you're looking for support; it sounds like you're looking for money.

MinM

Stuff costs money??

E Squared

I'm just going to leave this right here.

Future Mrs Glatz

We have been planning our wedding for years now. We've postponed it twice. We are doing it this time regardless of what we have or don't have. I won a dress online. Cost me $20.00 in shipping. I made all the invitions and boquets. Everytime I went to the store I picked up something. Rather it be napkins, cups or whatever.  We belong to a church so that won't cost us. The only thing we are really worried about is food. At this time, even if we just have chips and water, we don't care! We are not going to take out a loan and go in debt to throw a party for our family. They know us and know what we can afford. The most important thing to us is that we are getting married and the people we love are there. I think all in all though it's going to be fine. And so will yours. Do what you can and forget the rest.