Wedding Woes
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my weekend -- LONG

on saturday, dh and i had the biggest fight of our lives (so far).  that is kind of a BFD because dh and i hardly ever fight, and we both decided to just hit the nuclear option this time.  by nuclear option, i mean yelling.  like a lot of yelling.

remember this?
http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_weekend-17
that's what the fight was about.

dh and i were getting ready to go out, and i got the baby ready and in the stroller, but i had not tightened the straps on the car seat.  i was off getting myself ready, when dh wandered by.  (he had spent the time getting himself ready, which i was annoyed about, because he sometimes then says, "how long will you take to get ready?" like it's my fault that i'm not ready but that is neither here nor there.  well, it is, but one fight at a time).

dh has one hand on the kid and he says, "have you tightened the straps on the car seat?" 

HOLY FLERKING SNIT.  i lost it.  "why the eff would you ask me that when it's something that you could just check yourself?"  man, if i had a pen, it would be ALL up in his face.

dh: "i am just asking.  calm down, chair ass."

so we silent treatment it all the way down to the car.  i drive (<-- this is a terrible idea, btw).

in the car, we start to discuss what went wrong.  i say that it drives me absolutely nuts that dh always asks me questions to things that he can know or find out what the answer is.  dh says that he doesn't think it's a big deal and i am overreacting. 

level shouting: i say that it puts the onus on me to know every thing that he asks.  he says that i am reading way too much into a question.  i tell him that it's just lazy that he asks first, instead of putting any effort into finding out the answer.  he disagrees and says that it's easier to ask. 

level screaming: i say it's easier for him, and that it makes me extremely aggravated.  he says that it's not a big deal.  then i tell him that when i say something bothers me and he tells me that it doesn't, he should really go &*$&*#&*# himself.  actually he should GET OUT OF THE CAR, @%*@*(#$&amp;(*@$&amp;*(&+^@$&*(^!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! x forever first, and then go &*$&*#&*#  himself TWICE.

dh and i part ways to go run separate errands.  i take the baby with me.  when i go to take him out of the car, baby's face is all :-O so we got to add a page to the baby book: baby's first trauma.

dh and i meet up a little but later and we end up talking in normal tones.  we promise to try to be more considerate of each other, not ask so many #*&*$&#! obvious questions and not try to drive over each other's feet.

oh, and saturday?  that was dh's birthday!  happy birthday, dh!

:: shines best wife medal::
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Re: my weekend -- LONG

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    ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    You both need to poop.
    image
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    edited December 2011
    H, I so can relate to this, let me tell ya.

    I think that my sis and I act like married people. We have been having issues with our communication. We push each others buttons, start yelling and it goes down hill from there.

    We are doing much better, because we had to sit down and say things like, "When you say ______, I hear________. She did it and I did it. I now understand where she is coming from better and vice versa.

    I also have been praying for control over my mouth and not taking everything as a criticism. I working on it. I can't control what ol' girl does, but I can only control myself and not going from 0-10 in 2.5 seconds.

    It usually involves me me having some major dialogue with Jesus in my mind(Jesus I'm about to pop off, please help me), and making sure there aren't any pens within reach.:)

    Hang in there.
    image
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    nicoleg1982nicoleg1982 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    H sometimes would ask questions like that, too, but in your situation it would've been, "Hey - can I tighten her straps?  Is there a reason she's loose?"  Maybe that's what Mr. Hmo was thinking?
    imageimage
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    *Barbie**Barbie* member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_weekend-long-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:08e4461f-1677-4a8a-b54a-8bcf0f8f4173Post:4e681056-65fa-4abb-b7c4-052c1a668c8c">my weekend -- LONG</a>:
    [QUOTE]  then i tell him that when i say something bothers me and he tells me that it doesn't, he should really go &*$&*#&*# himself. Posted by hmonkey[/QUOTE]

    i said something very similar, at a very similar volume, over the phone to DK on Friday. I then skipped out on going to the movies (it was my day off) to run the errand that he forgot (reason for the fight).

    he got a very pleasant call from me later in the day, "i skipped the movie and paid the water bill. you owe me, fvcker"

    he took me to my favorite restaurant as an apology.
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    **O-Face****O-Face** member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Dang.

    I don't care WHAT it is...if it aggravates me...don't tell me it is no big deal.  My feelings are valid, motherfocker!  That is a big deal.

    Otherwise, onwards and upwards.
    image
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    hmonkeyhmonkey member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    nico, bless you for trying to think the best of him but no, sadly, that is not what was happening.  this is a "standing in front of the fridge, asking me where the mayo is" situation.

    nola, i've also yelled, "i'm trying not to be mad, but you are being too much of an #*(&#*($&@ for me to have any success at that right now. DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE x infinity."
    image
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    AuntFloAuntFlo member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011

    Ah.   Yes, this is the most common fight in our house as well.   I feel you.

    Something to look forward to:  When babymo is older, he'll come give you hugs and kisses to make you feel better after a fight with his daddy.   (World's best parents right here!  We try not to argue in front of her, but you can't always choose the time and the place...)  

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    TheDuckisTheDuckis member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    H always needs a valid (to him) reason why I'm mad. Dude, I'm mad because you're putting my emotions through an approval process.
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    6fsn6fsn member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    This would all annoy me.  DH gets mad when we don't leave on time.  Dude, I get 2 people ready in the time it takes you to get one.  I wrap anything that needs to go, put it on the table, pack my stuff and the kid's (now kids')stuff. and put it on the table.  If he helped load it we'd be out on time.

    The pen comment made me laugh though.
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