Wedding Woes
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Rehearsal Dinner Ettiquite

My fiance's step-dad is being very choosy with who he thinks should be invited to the rehearsal dinner. He is saying only the wedding party, their significant others, and the immediate family is invited. He says that there is no need to invite any other family members, including grandparents, and ESPECIALLY no family from my fiance's dad's side. I think that just because he's paying, he's feeling like he has power over that, and I think he just doesn't want to be around my fiance's dad's family. I realize that it's expensive to pay for people, and with all of the family invited, it would at least double the amount of people invited, but my parents are paying $6,000 JUST for the wedding venue. I know that they CAN afford paying for everyone at the rehearsal dinner, but he's just choosing not to. They are paying for our honeymoon, which we appreciate, but I just feel like there are more people in my family that I would want to be included. My mom is embarrassed to tell the family that they aren't invited, and it puts us in a tough spot. Any advice would help!

Re: Rehearsal Dinner Ettiquite

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_rehearsal-dinner-ettiquite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:090940d6-82bb-467f-8675-2788a6860152Post:d9b18b8c-1e94-4ce8-9824-70bcf23564e0">Rehearsal Dinner Ettiquite</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiance's step-dad is being very choosy with who he thinks should be invited to the rehearsal dinner. He is saying only the wedding party, their significant others, and the immediate family is invited. He says that there is no need to invite any other family members, including grandparents, and ESPECIALLY no family from my fiance's dad's side. I think that just because he's paying, he's feeling like he has power over that, and I think he just doesn't want to be around my fiance's dad's family. I realize that it's expensive to pay for people, and with all of the family invited, it would at least double the amount of people invited, but my parents are paying $6,000 JUST for the wedding venue. I know that they CAN afford paying for everyone at the rehearsal dinner, but he's just choosing not to. They are paying for our honeymoon, which we appreciate, but I just feel like there are more people in my family that I would want to be included. My mom is embarrassed to tell the family that they aren't invited, and it puts us in a tough spot. Any advice would help!
    Posted by laphish22[/QUOTE]

    <div>*you* do not get to dictate how other folks choose to spend their money. </div><div>if Fi's step dad is hosting, he gets to choose the guest list. </div><div>what your parents are paying is irreleveant.</div><div>
    </div><div>what does your FI think about the situation? has he talked to his step dad about the guest list?</div><div>Since the two of you are apparently not paying for anything, why not host your own rehersal dinner, or offer to chip in so you can invite a few more guests? </div><div>
    </div><div>maybe he's trying to keep the list smaller because he's also paying for your honeymoon. </div><div>i agree that not inviting your FI's father is rude - they should be able to be adult enough to sit in a room together for a few hours. </div><div>
    </div><div>some people invite only the wedding party and their so + immediate families of the Bride nd groom, others invite all OOT guests/extended families/practically the whole wedding guest list. </div><div>
    </div><div>we only invited the immediate families, the wedding partiy+so. nobody was terribly offended by this arrangement as the dinner is essentially an extra thank you to those participating in the wedding ceremony. </div><div>
    </div>
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    Short answer:  etiquette (note the correct spelling) dictates that the host (i.e. the person who is paying) decides who is invited.  Ideally, the host would solicit your input on the guest list, but in the end, it's really their call.

    Many times, OOT guests are invited in addition to members of the wedding party and whomever else is present at the rehearsal, but it's not mandatory.

    How much other people are paying for other aspects of this wedding is completely irrelevant here.  And saying things like " I know that they CAN afford paying for everyone at the rehearsal dinner, but he's just choosing not to. They are paying for our honeymoon, which we appreciate, but I just feel like there are more people in my family that I would want to be included" smacks of entitlement.
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    What they said. If you really want your family and whoever else at the rehearsal dinner, pay for it yourself or have a get together for these people at another time.
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    My future in laws are also only inviting wedding party, significant others, and immediate family. It was a bit awkward to tell my grandparents, but oh well!
    photo JamieMasonWedding-8992-S.jpg
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