I let my MOH down.... I hate weddings :(

LilyAnna06

My wedding is next week, and while I have pretty much moved over the TheNest boards, I realy needed to get this out.

I'm sort of the anti-bride. I begged my fiance to elope. Then I begged him to have an immediate-family only wedding, or a backyard BBQ wedding, or at least a casual lunch reception. He overruled eloping and family-only weddings, and for various reasons, the other ideas didn't work out either... we're Catholic, so our wedding has to take place IN a church for it to be a Catholic wedding, and then our church didn't have time slots available for us to have an early wedding so we had to do evening, etc.

So I ended up with a big, traditional frumpy wedding that I didn't want

I am just not a wedding person. I've been a bridesmaid three times and the insane amounts of stress and tears that I have seen go into weddings had me convinced that it was just not worth it, especially for something I didn't care about in the first place.

So my wedding has been no different. Constant stress, tears, fights with the MIL, hurt feelings, and hours of monotonous work like making invitations and favor boxes have far overshadowed the fun moments of wedding planning. The only time in my life where I have cried more than this was when I was a seriously ill teenager in the hospital all the time. No sht. It's been so miserable.

It's finally almost here, and I was starting to get excited. One of my closest friends is flying in this week, and my other friends are really excited to go.

Then last night my MOH drops this bombshell on me that she has been so disappointed with me and hurt for the entire time. My MOH is the sweetest girl and I know that for her to say that took a lot.
Unlike me, she IS a wedding person, and for her wedding two years ago, we spent hours handcrafting her invitations, centerpieces, and shopping for dresses. Her family lives 2000 miles away, so her other two bridesmaids and I were the ones with her for shopping for her wedding dress, bridesmaid dresses, her venue, etc. But for my wedding, I have my retired mother living a few miles away, and I'm an only child, so I did everything with her. My MOH works 3 jobs and often works Saturday afternoons, and never misses her 2 hour long Sunday morning church service. So it was just easier to do everything with my mom, especially because we had a relatively short engagement and everything just needed to get done, NOW.  We had a couple bridesmaid shopping excursion, and she watched me try on a few dresses, but I pretty much did everything else by myself, or with my mom or fiance.

And now she tells me that she's really hurt that I didn't include her. AHHH!  I feel terrible. I had no idea.  thought I was making her life easier by not dragging her to things like that hours-long crunch-time bride dress shopping trip.

I'm having such a hard time with this. I have no problem with my MIL being mad at me (pretty much status quo) but my MOH is the sweetest, kindest person and I had no idea that I was hurting her feelings by leaving her out.

I hate weddings.

psichick

did you tell her that you had no idea that she wanted to be more involved? let her know that you weren't trying to exclude her, you just thought that you were making it easier for her since she's so busy. also she could have told you this sooner........

fishgirl77

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_let-moh-down-hate-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:099a9f6e-c829-4b6f-98c9-0ed3ef948ebfPost:88800147-16eb-4553-b790-9c116710d044">I let my MOH down.... I hate weddings :(</a>:
[QUOTE] I had no idea.  thought I was making her life easier by not dragging her to things like that hours-long crunch-time bride dress shopping trip.
Posted by LilyAnna06[/QUOTE]

Tell her the above.  I would also let her know that while you know that she really loves weddings, you are very different on how you view and experience the process.  But I would just put this out there rather than spend the lead up to the wedding feeling bad about unintentionally hurting her feelings.  Hopefully she will understand or at least be accepting.

felicia220

While I don't think I hate weddings in the same way you do, I haven't really enjoyed the process that much, so I understand how you feel.  Its a lot of trying to make other people happy, which seems stupid (for lack of a better word) to me.  This day is suppose to be one of the happiest days of your life, but sometimes what makes me and my FI happy are not the same as what makes our families happy.  So where is the middle ground?  Well there really isn't any, at least not for me.  Either they hate it or we hate it, and what part of this is suppose to be fun?  We decided not to have a wedding party months ago and I just found out that it really hurt my FSIL, we had no idea that she was upset about it.  Our intention was never to hurt anyones feelings, we were just trying to make things easier plus a wedding party was not really our thing.  Anyway, we had a great chat and got everything out in the open.  I think the best thing you can do is tell her exactly what you wrote here.  I think she will understand. Good Luck to you and try your best to enjoy your wedding. 

[Deleted User]

I think your MOH needs to grow up and get over it. Tell her what you said here, and that shoud be fine. I did the same thing, tried to do everything myself so others aren't stuck with such boring tasks. If she never told you she wanted to be involved, then why would you assume she wanted to help? I think it's better that you got to do so much with your mom, as it's a very personal time that can bring you closer.

Don't stress over it, just tell your MOH you didn't know she wanted to be involved and didn't mean anything by not including her.