I will seriously die if...

ashleipyle

my best friend isnt at my wedding.

But his (insert expletives here) girlfriend has made it clear, a few times, she has no intentions of showing to my wedding and my best friend is moving across the country so they can live by her family.

I will be truely devastated if he isnt there. 

He swears he will be, she swears she won't let him. I dont know what to do, he doesnt see what a ***** she she is, not matter what i say. He refuses to take the blinders off...

6fsn

He can come without her.  Also, the more you call her a ***** the bigger wedge you are going to put in your relationship with him.  It won't change how he feels about her.

tawillers

There's more to this story.  Does she think something happened between you two?  Is she right?  Why don't you and the GF get along?

I agree with 6 that he can come to your wedding without her and if you're calling her names or not getting along with her, it isn't going to help your friendship with him.

HookaPants

*builds coffin*

Wzz

i wonder what else is going in here.

*Barbie*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_i-will-seriously-die-if?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:0a5dcb3e-602b-4163-ae72-58e5ae1b8070Post:dd7e71da-b6e5-451d-ad93-2a1bf6593f8d">Re: I will seriously die if...</a>:
[QUOTE]*builds coffin*
Posted by HookaPants[/QUOTE]

*love*
happy to see Hooka back!

Wzz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_i-will-seriously-die-if?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:0a5dcb3e-602b-4163-ae72-58e5ae1b8070Post:03739b8d-69e6-4cfd-8a03-ac7b4694763f">Re: I will seriously die if...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I will seriously die if... : *love* happy to see Hooka back!
Posted by *Barbie*[/QUOTE]

Yes! I hope this is a regular occurance.


andplusalso, i wouldn't go to someone's wedding who tried to tell my boyfriend/fiance/husband that i was a [insert random expletive and/or insult here]. i would also encourage my bf/fi/h to not go, either.

rachelm13

OP, I understand where you are coming from.  Backstory would probably help a lot of us reading your post, but, my thoughts are just take the high road, don't name call or engage any further drama.  Just plan your wedding, if she's as big of an A-hole as you say, eventually your friend will see through her shiiiiiz and drop her like a bad habit.  Further, if he is such a close friend he will be there... at any cost, b/c that's what friends do!  If he's not there well, that is unfortunate, but you will still have many other guests there and you should/will be enjoying their company.  I can't stand one of the groomsmen's live-in GFs.  She is invited to the wedding even though I would rather forget her existance.  I have not slandered her, never got into a confrontation type of scene with her (despite her trying to engage).  I have and will continue to take the high road no matter what she does.  If she chooses to act up at the wedding, I am sure someone will escort her out, but, I will be too busy enjoying myself and relishing every moment, to notice or care.

Good luck!!!!

HookaPants

She couldn't possibly dislike you because you badmouth her? 

I get that people can be raging bidges. I am a raging bidge at times. What I don't do is get all harpy shrew on some guy that I'm not currently screwing, trying to screw, screwed in the past, or want to screw about another chick. Saying something once about the way she treats him (not you because you don't matter as much as you like to think you do) is fine. Saying it over and over again and calling her names makes you look crazy.

She doesn't have to like you. No one does, actually. He doesn't have to be forced to choose between her, the woman who gives him sex, and you, the woman who gives another man sex. That's not something a good friend does to another friend. What you need to decide is if you want to remain friends with him after they break up and it's not likely he'll want to at the rate you're going.

*Barbie*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_i-will-seriously-die-if?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:0a5dcb3e-602b-4163-ae72-58e5ae1b8070Post:d1bb8e7d-44a7-42ea-a60d-9598b05d1c67">Re: I will seriously die if...</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Saying it over and over again and calling her names makes you look crazy.</strong>

<strong>She doesn't have to like you. No one does, actually. He doesn't have to be forced to choose between her, the woman who gives him sex, and you, the woman who gives another man sex.</strong> <strong>That's not something a good friend does to another friend. What you need to decide is if you want to remain friends with him after they break up and it's not likely he'll want to at the rate you're going.
</strong>Posted by HookaPants[/QUOTE]

Hooka makes many excellent points - but this stuck out for me.

DK had a longterm female friend who didn't like me. I have no clue why as I had never met/spoken to the woman before our wedding.

He had liked her at one point, but they never dated/messed around/had any sort of physical relationship.

We invited her to our wedding, and she came. I barely spoke to the woman, but was perfectly nice when I did. Sometime after the wedding, she started in on my H about what a horrible human being I am. How I was keeping him from hanging out with her (the fact that she lived 2.5 hours away apparently had nothing to do with that...), how I was such a bad wife, etc. She started sending me nasty e-mails, and started sending them to him. Basically went BSC.

He dumped her as a friend and hasn't talked to her since.

If you value your relationship with this guy, you will keep your mouth shut and be civil to his g/f. If you made it known in the beginning that you didn't like her, and why, you've said your piece, and he didn't care. It's time to move on.

ReturnOfKuus

My best friend was unable to make it to my wedding.  I was upset and very disappointed, but I didn't die.  She and I got to talk on the phone for over an hour before my wedding, so that helped a lot, and made me feel like she was still there for me emotionally even though she couldn't be physically there.

ashleipyle

More Info for the masses:

I do not bad mouth her to her face or otherwise, I sent Mike one conversation bewteen her and I that he did not believe took place. He thought I made it up/exaggerated what she said so he wouldn't move across the country.

The problem is she lives is CA and i live in SC, and my best friend is moving there. She tells him she will come to the wedding and acts all nice and rosey to him.

She acts a completely different way to me. Nothing has ever happened between him and I in the 10 years we been friends, honestly if he were to walk in to the room buck naked, i would laugh. its like were cousins/bro&sis.

I do not like her because she has stated more than once that my besties' and I frienship has an expiration date. 

In the begining, She was fine, her name is Jess. She has a 4 yr son and we talked alot and got along. im a few years older so she asked me for advice alot, but when if finally hit her how close Mike (my bestie) and I are, she started being distant and from there everything i did, she fragmented and belittled. We are both very different people, with wildly different opinions. I get that she is really immature, just turning 20,  I wish she would just grow up. I wouldnt care about him dating her if she wasn't so adament about ruining our friendship.

Aside from that, she is a nice person.

Mike, although he did not believe me when I sent him the conversation, has said that nothing will break our friendship, not anyone or thing. He swears he will be at my wedding. 

He loves her so much, I will not ever make him choose between us, not ever. 

I just hate that she might get her way.

ReturnOfKuus

I wonder if he shares your sentiment, that you and he are like family and that your relationship is completely nonsexual.  I wonder if he said something about you to her that set het hackles rising.

I wouldn't be shocked if he didn't, though.  20 year olds who got pregnant in high school aren't known for their emotional maturity.

AuntFlo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_i-will-seriously-die-if?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:0a5dcb3e-602b-4163-ae72-58e5ae1b8070Post:c29fbc91-3c70-4c3f-9791-e4566a2c14e2">Re: I will seriously die if...</a>:
[QUOTE]20 year olds who got pregnant in high school aren't known for their emotional maturity.
Posted by ReturnOfKuus[/QUOTE]

This^

Andplusalso, I didn't realize that anyone over the age of 14 called their best friend their "bestie."   ~~~The more you know.~~~

*Barbie*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_i-will-seriously-die-if?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:0a5dcb3e-602b-4163-ae72-58e5ae1b8070Post:c14a8c80-cff2-46d5-b2dd-c06315889ed9">Re: I will seriously die if...</a>:
[QUOTE]More Info for the masses: I do not bad mouth her to her face or otherwise, I sent Mike one conversation bewteen her and I that he did not believe took place. He thought I made it up/exaggerated what she said so he wouldn't move across the country. The problem is she lives is CA and i live in SC, and my best friend is moving there. She tells him she will come to the wedding and acts all nice and rosey to him. She acts a completely different way to me. Nothing has ever happened between him and I in the 10 years we been friends, honestly if he were to walk in to the room buck naked, i would laugh. its like were cousins/bro&sis. I do not like her because she has stated more than once that my besties' and I frienship has an expiration date.  In the begining, She was fine, her name is Jess. She has a 4 yr son and we talked alot and got along. im a few years older so she asked me for advice alot, but when if finally hit her how close Mike (my bestie) and I are, she started being distant and from there everything i did, she fragmented and belittled. We are both very different people, with wildly different opinions. I get that she is really immature, just turning 20,  I wish she would just grow up. I wouldnt care about him dating her if she wasn't so adament about ruining our friendship. Aside from that, she is a nice person. Mike, although he did not believe me when I sent him the conversation, has said that nothing will break our friendship, not anyone or thing. He swears he will be at my wedding.  He loves her so much, I will not ever make him choose between us, not ever.  I just hate that she might get her way.
Posted by ashleipyle[/QUOTE]

1) MTV needs to make a TV show about this.
2) why do you continue to engage her in this behavior?

you said you're a few years older - so act like it makes a difference in your maturity level.
you sent Mike an invite to the wedding, hoping he will come. That's all you can do. If he wants to be there, he will make it happen. Don't insert yourself into their relationship and this whole he-said/she-said battle that is going on. Your involvement is going to play right into her intention of breaking up the friendship. Block her phone calls/texts/FB posts/whatever and just ignore it. be nice to her, stop calling her names, and ignore anything from her that isn't at least civil.

ashleipyle

Mike and I have been friends since beginning of highschool. I can talk to him about anything there is to talk about, the dark things people think, but do not dare say out loud included.

There was a time eons ago that we had a small attraction, when we first met, but it faded inside of a month, we just quickly realized we were not compatible that way. 

Through out the years we have helped eachother through break ups, make ups and everythign else. 

We are the kind of friends that if one person is wrong, we tell that person. Complete honesty.

Jess is mad because when Mike comes and crashes at my place for a few days, he isn't 100% available to her. Now I could see her being mad at him staying here if I lived alone. My fiance and I bought a house and live together. Mike stays in the guest room when he comes to visit because he lives an hour from me.

Mike and Jason<3 have become great friends and get along,

 if she veiws me as a threat, what can be done to get her to cool her jets. I do not have any feelings of the romantic persuasion for Mike. Jason is my heart and is the one I want to be with eternally.

*Barbie*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_i-will-seriously-die-if?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:0a5dcb3e-602b-4163-ae72-58e5ae1b8070Post:b00b40a1-acec-4cfb-862b-2f436a1e7234">Re: I will seriously die if...</a>:
[QUOTE]Mike and I have been friends since beginning of highschool. I can talk to him about anything there is to talk about, the dark things people think, but do not dare say out loud included. There was a time eons ago that we had a small attraction, when we first met, but it faded inside of a month, we just quickly realized we were not compatible that way.  Through out the years we have helped eachother through break ups, make ups and everythign else.  We are the kind of friends that if one person is wrong, we tell that person. Complete honesty. Jess is mad because when Mike comes and crashes at my place for a few days, he isn't 100% available to her. Now I could see her being mad at him staying here if I lived alone. My fiance and I bought a house and live together. Mike stays in the guest room when he comes to visit because he lives an hour from me. Mike and Jason<3 have become great friends and get along, <strong> if she veiws me as a threat, what can be done to get her to cool her jets.</strong> I do not have any feelings of the romantic persuasion for Mike. Jason is my heart and is the one I want to be with eternally.
Posted by ashleipyle[/QUOTE]

nothing on your end. once again - you need to stay out of their relationship.

if your friend chooses to come to your place and stay over, knowing that it upsets his g/f, he needs to deal with the fallout. it is not your place to do/say anything about it. if she says something to you, ignore it.  

ReturnOfKuus

Honestly, it's sounding like option B is your situation here (the one where she hasn't matured one bit since she got that positive pregnancy test).  Your best bet is to stop talking to her entirely - not a reactive silent treatment, but just communicating with Mike as a friend and acting as though his girlfriend is none of your business.  No e-mails to her.  If she e-mails you to complain about something or other, politely respond that this is really something she should be addressing with Mike, and you don't feel comfortable getting involved.

Mike is what, 23?  Odds are that with no one engaging her in her shenanigans, she's going to start stuff with him, and it's all going to end in tears.

ashleipyle

Ugh why is being the  mature person on the highroad so hard. 

I dunno if his age makes a difference but Mike is 26 and I'm 24.

I do believe I will block her communications, Shes ruining my what should be the happiest time of my life- planning my wedding-gettingmarried- etc.

 I am just gonna have to accept that the ball is in their court and there is nothing I can do. 

This blows.

ReturnOfKuus

He's 26 and dating this kind of immature 20 year old?  There's something a bit off about him, too.

jojobrn

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[QUOTE]Ugh why is being the  mature person on the highroad so hard.  I dunno if his age makes a difference but Mike is 26 and I'm 24. I do believe I will block her communications, Shes ruining my what should be the happiest time of my life- planning my wedding-gettingmarried- etc.  I am just gonna have to accept that the ball is in their court and there is nothing I can do.  This blows.
Posted by ashleipyle[/QUOTE]

<div>Just keep smiling and taking that high road. My husband had a friend sort of like this, she threw huge fits about not getting to see him whenever she felt like it and eventually blamed me and her belief the only reason we got engaged and married was for the sex. Husband dropped her like a hot potato. She has tried to make up with both of us, but being called a whore a few times too many means she won't be invited to my baby shower. Just like she wasn't invited to our wedding.</div>

HookaPants

Your friend sounds like a bit of a jerk. Don't get me wrong, both you and Jess could do some growing up as well, so I'm not taking sides or complimenting you. 

He does something that ticks his girlfriend off (like staying at your house when he knows you two don't like each other and is unavailable to her which pisses her off) and that, in turn, starts these 'fights' between the two of you that he has to referee. Why are you friends? If he were a man you were dating would you tolerate this behavior? 

rachelm13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_i-will-seriously-die-if?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:0a5dcb3e-602b-4163-ae72-58e5ae1b8070Post:c29fbc91-3c70-4c3f-9791-e4566a2c14e2">Re: I will seriously die if...</a>:
[QUOTE]I wonder if he shares your sentiment, that you and he are like family and that your relationship is completely nonsexual.  I wonder if he said something about you to her that set het hackles rising. I wouldn't be shocked if he didn't, though.  20 year olds who got pregnant in high school aren't known for their emotional maturity.
Posted by ReturnOfKuus[/QUOTE]

ITA all of this.