Vent

dramaqueen91087

We were not planninng on having a rehearsal or rehearsal dinner. Just doing some platters in the hospitality suite in case OOT guests come by. Last night my uncle called and offered to host a nice dinner the night before the wedding, as long as the guest list is reasonable. This is awesome and so something he would do (he used to pay me 20 bucks to play with my cousins). 

 So today we stated making aguest list. My mom included all of her family, who are OOT, and the bridal party. Then she gave me the list to look over and start adding FI's family. I began by adding his brother. She immediatly told me "no, hes not invited". Now look, his brother is not the best person on the planet, he is an alchoholic and has had a lot of problems. But my mother can not invite people who are barely related to me (though we are close) and not invite FI's brother. She doesn't seem to think this is a problem. UGGGh. We can't not invite his brother, who by the way lives with his mom who is invited.

CN: My mom wants to invite her whole family but not FI's brother who lives with his mom but has some problems (alchohalism).

bridetobe71412

That's frustrating, but I agree that you have to invite fiance's brother. Hopefully he will be able to control himself, but if not, he's an adult and it's not your job to monitor him.

Also, just a question - did your uncle give you a set number of people or just say "reasonable"? The reason I ask is, my fiance's parents are hosting our RD but when they heard the required attendees, they definitely had a minor heart attack. Including all bridal party/plus ones/readers/close family, it is 50 people right off the bat. You may want to confirm with him what his understanding of "reasonable" is because your mom's list may not be appropriate anyway.

dramaqueen91087

For now he just said "reasonable" but he said to include OOT people and he knows how big the family is. Nothings set in stone yet. He has a tendency to do this kind of thing and go a little overboard. He has money and likes to use it on family. It wouldn't surprise me at all if this large list is what he was thinking anyway. Its just that we have to include FI's imeadiate family, which is also a lot of people.

butterflyjumper1

I agree with bridetobe - there is no set definition of what "reasonable" is, and everyone has different definitions in their own minds of what reasonable is.

We are ONLY inviting bridal party, their +1s, and our VERY close family members to our rehearsal dinner - and this puts us at just under 60. 

Definitely have a talk with your uncle about what he thinks is reasonable before it gets too late.  It is awesome of him to offer to host it, though!

Oh, and about your original vent - you have to invite fiance's brother.  Sorry to your mom, but you can't include someone that close to your fiance because they have some mental health issues. 

msbdumas

I thought the reherasal dinner is mainly for the,parents BP, their SO, sbilings and SO and OOT guest...I would not be inviting extra people just because your mom said they can come when especially you can't invite FI brother...I'm sure your FI can make his brother check hisself @ the door and act accordingly and if things become out of hand with him have someone on stand by who can escort him home and then continue on with the dinner ! That is great for uncle to want to have the dinner for you and your FI, and because your uncle is paying; your mom shouldn't have say who comes anyway ! Hopefully your mom will understand and everything will work out !

littlemoments324

yeah, that is defintitely frustrating...I would ask your uncle his budget & then decide who to invite from there...because technically, you do not have to invite the OOT guests to the rehearsal...the rehearsal is pretty much meant for the WP, parents (maybe grandparents), and that is it!!

FI and I just decided the other night that we're nixing the rehearsal dinner & going to hang out separately with the WP...(him with the guys me with the girls!)  Sounds so much better!

MeaganR12

Yeah, you have to invite FI's brother, I agree. Make sure you fight for him, you don't want to be making enemies with your future in-laws.

k8888

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_vent-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:51d05572-8923-45c4-a1a8-081b31b91af0Post:c8bbb708-554d-496f-bec2-0717f0dc46ea">Re: Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]That's frustrating, but I agree that you have to invite fiance's brother. Hopefully he will be able to control himself, but if not, he's an adult and it's not your job to monitor him. Also, just a question - did your uncle give you a set number of people or just say "reasonable"? The reason I ask is, my fiance's parents are hosting our RD but when they heard the required attendees, they definitely had a minor heart attack. Including all bridal party/plus ones/readers/close family, it is<strong> 50 people right off the bat</strong>. You may want to confirm with him what his understanding of "reasonable" is because your mom's list may not be appropriate anyway.
Posted by bridetobe71412[/QUOTE]

How big is your bridal party??

BrightFirefly

Sheesh fifty to sixty people at a rehearsal dinner? That's like what I'm expecting to show for our reception ;-).
 
I admire those of you who can organize such a large number.

Anyway - I think it's BS that your mom won't invite FI's brother. My mom is an alcoholic and I think I would want to punch someone in the face if they didn't invite her based on that. On the other hand though, my mom controls herself and doesn't drink in public.

Even so..it's his brother for goodness sake.

michelle11988

I would definitely invite FBIL, because if not I would be worried it will cause problems with the in-laws.  I would definitely also get a more concrete number of what is reasonable for him.