Registry

Tygirljojo

So FI and I did the Sip 'n Scan event at Macys and looking at all their stuff, we both had a hard time selecting things.  Basically we looked at the prices (normal pricing because you never really know if/when things go on sale and how much they go on sale for) and couldn't justify asking guests to spend the amounts - for example, $170 on a sheet set for us (sale price at that time $100).  I guess I always thought registering would be easier but maybe it's just me and being price/cost conscious?  Anyone else come across that problem? 

We did find that Macys had a nice set of casual china we would like, but honestly, that's it.  I mean, yes, we could use some kitchen electronics, but we could also register for those elsewhere.  We're now looking at going back to BB&B and set something up there since it looks like they have a lot more affordable things.

jennuinne

I agree.  I started a registry at Target.  When you look at Macy's and other stores that have similar items, but for a lot more.  Plus, we have most things we need.  I don't need or want my guests to spend $100 on a bowl or vase or something like that.  People keep telling me that's what weddings are for, but I would never buy $100 vase for myself.  Why should they?  I can understand if its an appliance or something.  Registering is hard.  Can't we just get money???  : )

I would like nice linens though.  I could deal with that.

sjlarobadiere

I was there too!! Well at the Bellevue one if that's the one you went too.
Brad and I found it hard to select things too. We eventually got a nice chunk of items but we aren't in a settled home so we didn't know what colors of things like linens and towels to pick out. 
I was a bit surprised that we registered for china. We both originally didn't want to but we found a new Lenox set that we both really liked so now we've got a nice chunk of the set on our registry.

I'm thinking we will still go to BB&B to register for new basic kitchen tools as our are a bit used and maybe glassware. That's about it.

I wish we could register at Ikea...so we could ask for furniture.

BrandyL10

When I first started my registries, I remember putting whatever we liked on it. About a couple months later, and after the impulse add to registry mood had passed, I was totally shocked at the prices of some of the things we had registered for! So I've done some balancing since then, like found an exact vase at one of our other registries, blender, etc that was cheaper. We mainly went to Macy's for their fiesta plates. We love them, and I think they're pretty affordable. I know most of our items from their are higher priced, but I would buy everything off my registry anyways myself. I totally understand you though, I'm not happy making my guests spend more than they have to!
But one upside, I check our registries off and on and Macy's always seems to be on sale. Like every other week. Kinda makes me not feel so bad some times!
Other than the pricing, I hope you guys had a good time!

dreamwinds

We haven't started our registry yet and I'm trying to convince the FI that we don't need to register, but he likes the idea of gifts. :P

Mostly, from a guest standpoint, I feel the registry is outdated. It was meant to be a way to start a new couple's life together and stock up the kitchen with plates, pots, pans, utensils, glasses, and stemware, as well as appliances, but so many people are getting married so much later these days and after living together for a while that many couples already have this stuff.

As a guest, it's sometimes disheartening to see people register for 80 dollar a set flatware and wanting 10-15 sets of it. Somehow, asking people to spend 80 bucks on what is essentially two forks, two spoons, and a knife feels... weird. And, as catty as it sounds, it's even harder to stomach when you know the wedding is as frugal as possible (no reception).

At the same time, it's also disheartening to see people register for one 2 dollar hard-boiled egg cup, cause seriously, are you supposed to get them 20 2 dollar gifts to make up the difference to a reasonable dollar amount?

I dunno, I think registries are kind of outdated and I think if the FI and I end up doing one, he'll understand how hard it is. I'm not against presents (who is?), but I feel in kitchen/dining/livingware it's hard to find a lot of 'reasonably' priced items and if I would never buy someone else (or even myself) what amounts to be a 16 dollar fork, spoon, or knife, then I shouldn't ask them to get it for me, right?

In the end, it's all about your own comfort level and what you suspect is the comfort level of your guests and I think a lot of to-be-married couples forget the last part. Sometimes, money would be just so much easier. ^^;;

jennyann28

I absolutely had this problem.  We were going to register at Macy's because, well, everyone does.  Plus I knew they carried the red Kitchen-Aid mixer, which I have been waiting all my life to be able to have a wedding registry to put that on there!  So I started one online & put the mixer on...  and then could not find anything else to put on the registry!  I knew we wanted to do Crate & Barrel too, and every time I'd think of something Macy's might have that I could put on that registry, I'd find that C & B would have one I liked better.

In the end, I deleted everything off of the Macy's registry (I couldn't figure out how to actually "close" it).  C & B didn't have the traditional red mixer, but it had a slightly fancier, anniversary edition in red, so I chose that one.  We weren't ever going to register for china (in fact, we picked very simple, plain white dinnerware), or $100 vases.  Macy's just wasn't the place for us.  Like you, I don't feel comfortable asking guests to spend that much on me!

Oh, dreamwinds, you might want to reconsider a registry though.  Because people are going to buy you gifts.  With a registry, at least you will get gifts that you will want/use.

melissa82

Macy's has a LOT of sales. Our china was on sale and had other promotions (buy 3 get 1, free bowls, etc.) for almost our entire engagement. Plus people get a lot of coupons if you have a Macy's card. We registered for some things in store (mostly china and some kitchen appliances) and then everything else online. Particularly for sheets and such, it's easier to compare prices online. Almost everyone used our Macy's registry AND we got the big gift card back so it was so worth it. I think BBB appears cheaper but isn't really. Plus you can rarely get free shipping there or use a coupon online. JMO.

melissa82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_washington-seattle_registry-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:104Discussion:8e4c562c-5cb5-4502-934c-f2d8d4b3b7dfPost:a226fc5e-6cd8-4c19-b91d-d9a15d2fc961">Re: Registry</a>:
[QUOTE]I dunno, I think registries are kind of outdated and I think if the FI and I end up doing one, he'll understand how hard it is. I'm not against presents (who is?), but I feel in kitchen/dining/livingware it's hard to find a lot of 'reasonably' priced items and if I would never buy someone else (or even myself) what amounts to be a 16 dollar fork, spoon, or knife, then I shouldn't ask them to get it for me, right? In the end, it's all about your own comfort level and what you suspect is the comfort level of your guests and I think a lot of to-be-married couples forget the last part. Sometimes, money would be just so much easier. ^^;;
Posted by dreamwinds[/QUOTE]

The thing about not doing a registry is this: People WILL get you gifts. Especially if you're having a shower, you're going to get a lot of random, possibly ugly crap that doesn't match or that you already have/don't need and that may be unreturnable. H never told his mom we registered before our engagement party, so we received things like a full set of damask printed glasses and an 11 x 16 ornate white porclain frame (screaming Italian!), that we will never, ever use with no gift receipt or idea of where they came from. I would find at least some things you'd like, or at the very least, some things you can return later or you may be stuck with stuf--which is a bigger waste of guests' money.

dreamwinds

Well, our situation is kind of strange. By the time we have our formal wedding, we'll have been legally married for at least a year. Something with visas and having to get married within 90 days of getting a visa, but not knowing when you're getting your visa and oh my god I am so not prepared to plan a wedding in 90 days. So there won't really be a bridal shower or bachelorette parties. So that's not a huge concern - getting gifts for a shower.

But yea, I've heard from a lot of people that people will get us gifts anyway, and I know as a guest, one of my first questions always is: what kind of attire and are you registered anywhere.

I was thinking of charitable donations? Something like: we're both 30 and have been living on our respective owns for the last eight years so don't really need much in the way of stuff so if you'd like to get us gifts, please make a donation to one of these charities in our name? Or does that not go over well? I'm not really sure yet.

Barring all that, if we end up having to have a registry, I have things I do want from C&B and like Williams Sonoma, but they are usually the really expensive stuff I haven't bothered to want to fork over money for in the last 8 years. XD Maybe I could use a hardboiled egg holder. v^.~v

Tygirljojo

Jennuine - I'm pretty much right there with you.  FI and I have lived together for 4 years and we have pretty much everything, but there are a few things we would like (new bed linens, some kitchen electronics, new dishes, curtains for our house, etc).  But I'm not going to register for new bath towels when we just bought new ones a year and a half ago when we moved into our home.

SJ - Yes, we were at that one!  We got there right when it opened and probably left about 8ish (my allergies were killing me towards the end)

Dreamwinds - like everyone said, people WILL buy you gifts no matter what.  Honestly, I'm a person who LOVES to buy and wrap gifts - namely for the wrapping part!  However, if you both really feel like you'd rather people donate to a charitable contribution, you certainly can put that on your website or whatever and hopefully they'll put it in your name and I think you can then actually use it as a tax write off?

Melissa - that's one thing that drove me a little nuts actually - not everyone has a Macy's card and during the whole process of calling to sign up for the event, calling to verify, checking in, then checking out for the event, I had all 4 people I spoke with tell me how FI and I would get 5% back on whatever our guests would buy if we had a Macy's card.  By the 4th time, I was actually rather annoyed with the strong selling push on their card.

Oh, and here's one example that makes me wonder about the cost different between the two:

http://www1.macys.com/catalog/product/index.ognc?ID=97198&CategoryID=39171

VS.

http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/product.asp?order_num=-1&SKU=14259023&RN=779

I've been trying to figure out if there's supposed to be a difference between the two because to me, they look identical.

jennyann28

While your charity idea is... charitable, etiquette-wise it's a no-no.  As the recipients of gifts, you're not supposed to say anything about giving gifts in the first place.  Also, people have many different ideas and opinions on what charities they feel comfortable giving to.  It's a pretty personal thing.  So people may be offended if they want to get you a gift, but find their only option is to donate to a charity that they might not support.  

I agree that you shouldn't register for a bunch of stuff you won't use.  But if there's stuff that you have, but could use updating, go for it.  We'll be 34 & 28 when we get married, so we have stuff.  But it doesn't match or is worn out, so stuff like that we registered for.  Also, most places have a spot on the registry that lets your guests know that gift cards are welcomed.  So if several guests give you gift cards, you can buy the more expensive items yourself without feeling guilty.

carrieoz_76

We're both in our 30s and will have lived together for 2 yrs, and you bet there's stuff we can put on a registry.  Like Jenny, it's stuff that I've actually not bought because it's something that I felt really should go on a registry (food processor!), or  updates of our old/worn-out/hand-me-down/chipped stuff (towels, dishes, pot and pan set, steak knives, etc).  To be honest, we've generally bought crap when we've bought housewares because neither of us wanted to spend any money on it.  We've had other priorities - school loans, paying off cars, saving for a down payment, vacations, etc.  Now our stuff is dingy and needs updating big-time.

We aren't starting from scratch, so it'll be an edited registry for sure, but there is absolutely stuff that we need, and while I'm not registering for the highest end stuff, I also want to register for stuff that we'll use for years.  So we'll register at Macy's for our Fiestaware, pot and pan set (they don't sell the one I want at BBB), linens and towels and maybe a vase or two because gosh darnit I want at least one nice vase that isn't a hand-me-down!  And the rest we'll register for at BBB (flatware, dish towels, steak knives, bathroom set).  

I noticed that Macy's starts off more expensive but nobody who knows how to shop buys anything there full price.  Most women I know have Macy's cards.  And frankly, I think people like to buy wedding gifts from there.  I know my mom feels like she's being a good guest if she gets someone something nice from Macy's.   If none of that applies to them, then they can go to BBB.

Oh, and tygirl - high thread count sheets that don't fall apart in a year are just expensive.  Granted, if I could get the same exact thing at BBB then I'd probably register for it there, but if it's a different brand, that isn't necessarily the case (I'd check online reviews before making that call).

ahuette

We registered for things in every price range at Macy's, BB&B & Sears.  We have some expensive stuff that we don't necessarily expect people to buy, but we wanted to be able to get a discount on it after the wedding @ Macy's..  IE: luggage set.  We have some family members that I know will want to spend a little bit more on a present and I know that  some of our college friends who are still unemployeed would like to spend less than $20, we have some stuff in that category as well. 

heidi1068

dreamwinds--you might want to consider a non-traditional registry where people essentially donate money, but it is directed at something specific so that it doesn't seem like you are just asking for cash.  I have seen some good honeymoon registries that break expensive activities like safaris into reasonable chunks.  In the specific registry I am thinking about, you could "buy" a lion for $50 or a giraffe for $100; all the animals added up to the cost of the safari.  Other items included $80 towards a dinner for two at a hot restaurant in the city that they were staying during most of the honeymoon.

I also have a friend who registered for date nights during the first year of marriage--the idea was to make sure that they could go out once a month during the first year, so they asked for theatre tickets, a restaurant gift certificate, museum membership, etc.

As for charities, I personally do not think that it violates any rule of etiquette as long as you have multiple options--meaning at least one traditional registry, plus a charitable giving registry that ideally gives people the choice of two or three different charities.  Older people will probably not donate to charity on your behalf (or maybe they will; I had an uncle who used to adopt a whale for me every year for Christmas when I was young) but friends who understand your situation might--as long as the support the charity.

We are a long ways off from registering but I anticipate having a registry at Macy's (as some people have pointed out, they are always having sales there--I can't remember the last time I paid full-price for anything there) and a honeymoon registry, and depending on what we find at Macy's possibly adding a specialty china or linens shop.  My understanding with the specialty china shops is that you register per plate, bowl, etc, rather than for a set which actually makes it more likely that items will be within people's budget.  I remember when my brother got married, no one bought them china because it was $110 per set, and most people in our family spend about $50 on a wedding present.  Also ensures that you get the types of dishes you will actually use--i.e., no teacups!

sarack

Ah, this discussion made me more anxious about our registries. FI and I, like many of you, have lived together but all of our stuff is worn out. I registered for all the things I've always wanted, meant to buy, but just didn't. OR things we need because we have mismatched or whatever.

I agree with PP though that you WILL get gifts and I would much rather them have an idea what we need than go and get us an ugly vase/frame/towels that we'll never use or have NO idea where they came from.

Since I registered a month or two ago, I've gone back through and deleted tons of stuff. I realized that some of the stuff isn't stuff I'll use and instead it was just the thrill of registering.

I would definately register for things in all different price ranges. I like Macy's because they have guides that give you ideas on what to register for. Also, there are Macy's everywhere and the website is easily navigated, so this is ideal for guests.

BUT, now I am going to go over my registries with a fine tooth comb to figure out what I really want..

dreamwinds

Oh man. I didn't mean to start a huge discussion or make people feel bad.

Partly, for me and my friends who have gotten married in recent years... we have a lot of our kitchen needs and they're not really worn out and since I cook and bake all the time, I have fairly professional-level quality stuff cause that's what people get me for my birthday and Christmas, because that's what I love to do - cook, bake, and eat. I've had 8 years to accumulate stuff including Lenox dishware and fancy stemware that traditionally goes on a registry and despite the fact that the FI and I have been together for 9 years, I wasn't going to bank on getting married to get this on a registry. (Because baking 12-15 dozen cookies every Christmas without a standmixer would probably cause me to jump off a cliff. XD)

So, there's not a huge need to upgrade or update in our case, so I was thinking of options otherwise. If I do have a registry, it'll end up being the next level of stuff that we  could possibly upgrade, but asking people to spend 80-100 bucks on one set of flatware when I'm not willing to do the same either for myself or someone else, seems kind of wrong for me. So it makes me feel like I've put myself in an awkward position. Besides which... I have no more room in my kitchen for stuff. :P

This actually holds true for my friends and it was to the point one of my friends put a Westin Heavenly king sized bed on their registry cause they had... nothing else to really put. :P It just felt very weird, and I wrongly assumed people who have been living on their own for years would have slowly acquired things as needed. My bad. ^^;;;

As for money as gifts, we're already sort of straddling this weird cross-cultural divide. We're having a western-style wedding, but many of our guests come from traditionally Chinese or Korean backgrounds where it's rude to ask for gifts, but it's expected to receive big checks or red envelopes.

But everything you guys have said is true. Even if we don't want gifts, we'll get them and so I guess controlling what we get is better than getting 5 really ugly elephant vases. Just trying to figure out what's reasonable to put on it is harder than it really should be. XD I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to start this huge discussion or anxiety.

carrieoz_76

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_washington-seattle_registry-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:104Discussion:8e4c562c-5cb5-4502-934c-f2d8d4b3b7dfPost:c7dd40c8-1d21-4d0a-86a6-3b001dcadf68">Re: Registry</a>:
[QUOTE] I wrongly assumed people who have been living on their own for years would have slowly acquired things as needed. My bad. ^^;;; As for money as gifts, we're already sort of straddling this weird cross-cultural divide. We're having a western-style wedding, but many of our guests come from traditionally Chinese or Korean backgrounds where it's rude to ask for gifts, but it's expected to receive big checks or red envelopes. But everything you guys have said is true. Even if we don't want gifts, we'll get them and so I guess controlling what we get is better than getting 5 really ugly elephant vases. Just trying to figure out what's reasonable to put on it is harder than it really should be. XD I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to start this huge discussion or anxiety. :(
Posted by dreamwinds[/QUOTE]<div>Oh honey, no worries.  I don't feel bad, and I don't think anyone else does either.  I am always surprised when people say they couldn't think of anything for a registry b/c I literally don't know a single independent professional my age who has all the housewares they want.  I suppose we could have spent our money on housewares, but we've spent it on other stuff.</div><div>
</div><div>As for honeymoon or charity registries, I suppose that's an option, but I still think you should provide some gift options because I don't think I'm alone in insisting on giving people a thing rather than money.  As a guest, if you give me options, I'll stick pick from them.  If you give me a honeymoon registry or charity registry, I'll probably give you a thing... that maybe you'll like, maybe you won't, and most likely you can't return.  Your call.</div><div>
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melissa82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_washington-seattle_registry-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:104Discussion:8e4c562c-5cb5-4502-934c-f2d8d4b3b7dfPost:c7dd40c8-1d21-4d0a-86a6-3b001dcadf68">Re: Registry</a>:
[QUOTE]As for money as gifts, we're already sort of straddling this weird cross-cultural divide. We're having a western-style wedding, but many of our guests come from traditionally Chinese or Korean backgrounds where it's rude to ask for gifts, but it's expected to receive big checks or red envelopes.
Posted by dreamwinds[/QUOTE]

I think you guys are in a unique situation being already married and from traditionally Chinese or Korean backgrounds and would probably be OK not registering, although I'd make a small registry and just give it to anyone who asks. My guess would be that your traditional family members won't ask about a registry anyway, so you don't have to risk offending them because they won't know about it. =)

melissa82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_washington-seattle_registry-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:104Discussion:8e4c562c-5cb5-4502-934c-f2d8d4b3b7dfPost:810e59c5-0bf2-462e-a3d1-09fd266806ac">Re: Registry</a>:
[QUOTE]I've been trying to figure out if there's supposed to be a difference between the two because to me, they look identical.
Posted by Tygirljojo[/QUOTE]

Well, one is stoneware and one is earthenware so you're not really comparing apples to apples. However, BBB does carry the Antique White for a direct comparison and you're correct that it is less expensive.