chinese question...but an opinion could help..

jennlin

i put it on the chinese board, but the board is usually dead, so---

c&p:

hi girls! i haven't been here in a long time, but i'm thinking this is the best place to get an answer....

i got married last year, and my mother's aunt (my grandmothers level/generation) gave me a group gift ($800) from her, her unmarried daughter and her fiance (closer to my age), and her married son, daughter in law and their daughter. (5 adults, 1 child) 

so my mothers cousins are technically one generation above me, and older than me by 10 years & 15 years. so a gift was "expected".

now that my mothers cousin is getting married this august....how does gifting work? do i gift "up" the ladder? she's the same generation as my mother, and considerably older than me, so she's an elder--- but according to the "rules", i'm married, and also an "adult" and should be giving my own gift (are these rules american? or chinese??).

dilemma: the married son and his wife joined in the "group"...married--so he should've been on his own right? my mother says, since i'm married, i should be on my own, so i'm confused.....do i give an elder a gift?

my mom plans on giving $500 as a gift from 3 adults (her, my dad, and my unmarried brother)..and said i could do whatever i want.

my choices are:

1) write me and H's name on my moms card, do nothing.
2) give my mom $100, and have her give $600 total as a group
3) give $100 on our own.

what is your opinion?

thank you!!

jennlin

forgot to make an option that says "none of these"....so if you think "none, don't vote, and just let me know what you think a better option is!

jennuinne

I have absolutely no idea.  HTH.  ; )

mma3

From the way her gift came to you, it looks like it would be ok to give your mom money and include it.  I have never heard of "rules" such as this.  I don't think there really are any when it comes to group gifts. 

melissa82

I don't think I'd worry about going in a group or not, since the married son and daughter were in a group and you're saying technically this is "wrong," so it seems like it really doesn't matter.

I would gift a gift with just you and your husband, but I'd give more than $100. They gave you $160 pp (not counting the kid, who obviously didn't contribute, haha).

Kahalagurl

 if i were in your situation though, I would be doing 1 even though tradition says you should be doing 2 or three. It is a little funny because she is a generation older.  Im going to ask my mom this..