This weekend I went to a baby shower for my friend M. M was the college roommate of A and M and I hit it off when we met. Our husbands have a ridiculous bromance. M and I have become really close in the last three years or so.
A's sister stayed with us Friday and rode up to the shower with us Saturday. A's mom went up Friday and stayed with M and her H.
A's sis and I have stayed in close contact. I know she's really struggled with her own and her mother's grieving procesing since A died. She feels like her mom spends all of her time making sure A isn't forgotten and she's kind of forgetting that she's still around. It's more complicated than that, but it's kind of the gist of the story. A's sis is in a really intensive graduate program and A's mom has moved her boyfriend in, and those things are also further complicating matters.
So, at the shower, A's mom gave M a bag full of stuff. Some of the stuff had been A's things. One of the things she gave M was a sweater, booties, and blanket that had been A's and were made by her grandma. You knowm, stuff that should have stayed in the family. A's sister didn't know that her mom was giving M those things (M is having a girl) and I think she was taken aback by what her mom had done. M was super uncomfortable with the gift. She said something to A's sister about how the blanket, sweater, and booties would end up back with her.
M told me she's likely not going to use the items. I mentioned that maybe if A's sister moves out of her mom's house (and away...like to Denver, which she's considering), that she can send the items to her at that time. She can't give them back now because it's too complicated and would upset A's mom.
M also told me she talked with A's mom about her relationship with A's sister. A's sister is very reserved, but M and I know she's hurting because of how things are with her mom. A's mom sees A's sister as 'the difficult one' and she's always 'been that way...ever since the divorce." M told A's mom, "Maybe she needs to know you love her." A's mom somewhat blew her off.
A's mom doesn't want A's sis to move away, but maybe it would be the best thing for their relationship. I can't even fathom what it's like to lose a child or a sibling, but I really hope that things get better between A's mom and sister.