HE-inspired nosy poll

ReturnOfKuus

Those of you whose marriages were super rocky and were temporarily (at the very least) held together by a surprise pregnancy, how's it going?  Are things still rocky?  Did the pregnancy help your marriages, or make you more inclined to push harder to make it work?  Please share, because I've been wondering.

hmonkey

you're going to need to name names.

loveshine1

I don't even know who this would refer to.

ReturnOfKuus

I didn't want to name names in case they didn't want to answer and have the inevitable questions about what made it rocky in the first place.  You know, since this is a somewhat inappropriately nosy question anyway.

nicoleg1982

Going to counseling and reading book upon book and really changing the way we respond to each other worked.  Often, DD gets in the way of that progress.  Like the mini meltdown we had on the porch re: car seats this a.m.  While divorce is still a thought when the going gets tough, we both have a "trail closed to beautiful weather" sign posted.

FTR, DD was not a marriage bandaid.  

NOLABridesmaid

I only know of 1 or 2, but my memory is nothing like yours.

*Barbie*

yes, you need to name names. 

*Barbie*

for all the people that you pissed off yesterday, this shouldn't be hard ;-)

ReturnOfKuus

I don't think anyone here got pregnant as a marriage band-aid, but there were a couple of "oh sh*t" pregnancies while people were considering divorce.

Nicole, do you think the pregnancy affected the outcome at all, or do you think that this progress is what would have happened anyway?  Minus the added stressors of new parenthood, of course.

nicoleg1982

Of course pregnancy affected the outcome - but I do think the positive progress would've happened anyways, just maybe not as quickly or diligently.  Regardless of being married or not, we had to resolve the communication issues to be good parents.

ReturnOfKuus

Are you happy with this outcome?

nicoleg1982

Yes.  

ReturnOfKuus

I'm glad.

baconsmom

I learned, after Bacon's birth, that H was planning on dumping me before we got knocked up. Not for any reason, necessarily; I think he just wanted to sow some wild oats because he finally felt better about himself. 

He's since said that would have been a mistake, and he's very glad for Bacon keeping us together. That was about the rockiest we ever got, though, so I don't know if I qualify for the poll. 

DG1

I can think of at least one other, Kuus. And she has apparently declined to comment, so it's probably good that you didn't name names.

*Barbie*

i'm curious who HE was referring to... 

we had a rocky patch late 2009, but sorted things out with the help of therapy. We got to a point where we were happy, and our therapist agreed that she felt we were doing well enough on our own that we didn't need to keep seeing her. we waited on TTC until we felt that we were in a much better place - we were considering staring last fall, but realized that we needed to work stuff out first. The only thing that was a surprise in our case was how quickly I got pg after I ditched the IUD - we were expecting it to take longer. 

one thing our therapist said was that she sees a lot of couples that have issues get pregnant without working through things and then put all of their energy into the kid, and eventually divorce because the husband/wife relationship ceases to exist.  

one thing we both agree on is that we need to continue to put our relationship first. 

Cant_wait!

Well I can't think of another one and now I'm feeling bad for listing all the baby mamas in my head and trying to evaluate their relationships. Awkward. I'm probably going to facebook dump you all now.

zsazsa-stl

There was another one who hasn't replied.  But she is quite busy right now.

TheDuckis

The only other one I can think of had a situation basically like Barbie's, and isn't even around today. I also thought Nico was the only one whose pregnancy was a surprise. I want to know who HE was referring to and also who DG is referring to.

loveshine1

I really can't think of it either. It's probably better.

*Barbie*

I think HE being judgy about getting KU while having serious marriage issues is pretty hypocritical - especially with everything that she was posting at the time. 

Edit - I wondered if she was talking about me earlier - but figure I don't really need to justify myself to anyone. :-)

I also realize that this comment will probably get me unfriended. 

TheDuckis

I'll say it. I think HE's a drama llama. Wasn't she still posting regularly until the whole uproar over Haiti? She takes something one or two people say, gets all butthurt, and then starts throwing flames in every direction as a way to deflect.

I thought her telling DG that everyone needs Jesus in their life was much more inflammatory than the thread DG started. A lot of people--even very religious people--don't believe that Jesus is their Lord and Savior.

Cant_wait!

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_inspired-nosy-poll?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:17ddaf9a-50b9-4e36-bc87-9de3f5cd4113Post:c75c677c-e907-4a7b-b74c-9f7bd8789614">Re: HE-inspired nosy poll</a>:
[QUOTE]I'll say it. I think HE's a drama llama. Wasn't she still posting regularly until the whole uproar over Haiti? She takes something one or two people say, gets all butthurt, and then <strong>starts throwing flames in every direction as a way to deflect.</strong> I thought her telling DG that everyone needs Jesus in their life was much more inflammatory than the thread DG started. A lot of people--even very religious people--don't believe that Jesus is their Lord and Savior.
Posted by TheDuckis[/QUOTE]
I think that's the "inner peace" coming out.

*Barbie*

I missed the Haiti thing - I was on a business trip then. 

My life is fine without Jesus - she can keep him. 

6fsn

FTR- My marriage was fine before 6let.  We had some rough patches after, but the D word was never spoken or thought.

jojobrn

Wait, what was the Haiti thing?

And I did think of HE when this was posted, but wasn't sure if they were even still trying.

ReturnOfKuus

Didn't the HE family's TTC plans predate the marital problems?  The way I remember it, the marital problems came after a lot of failed TTC and possibly as a result of it.  Am I misremembering?

AuntFlo

I'm hoping she didn't mean me.  DH and I didn't have "big D" kind of trouble until after the baby came.

*Barbie*

I think they escalated after, but from what i remember she was trying for a while and posting a lot of flameworthy marriage stuff. It was a year or so ago though, so my memory could be off. 

TheDuckis

Barbie, she posted a poll about what people were doing for Haiti after the earthquake, and when some people said they weren't doing anything she cried racism. Then she went all Carrann and told everyone they needed to get laid. Then when I called her out on that she backpedaled and said it was a joke and I better never compare her to Carrann again. Then she essentially disappeared. And you know what, that post this morning was a Carrann move too. But I guess we don't know her and she feels sorry for our husbands.

loveshine1

I also wasn't here for the Haiti thing.

Kuus, I believe that they were trying prior to any issues.