A little boo-hooing

WendyBird0727

I just got off the phone with my mother and she said that now that I'm engaged she's going to begin saving money specifically for my wedding, which I really appreciate.  She then told me that I have to work up the nerve to talk to my father (they're divorced and estranged) and ask him if he'll contribute to the wedding. I get so stressed anytime I have to deal with the two of them together.  I just know that brokering communication with them for the wedding is going to be a huge pain in the behind.
/rant.

DG1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_little-boo-hooing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:1eab3517-62fb-4a6a-9cce-4e2b93a1aea3Post:96720ab3-f381-415c-bcea-3f1099d6861b">A little boo-hooing</a>:
[QUOTE]I just got off the phone with my mother and she said that now that I'm engaged she's going to begin saving money specifically for my wedding, which I really appreciate.  She then told me that I have to work up the nerve to talk to my father (they're divorced and estranged) and ask him if he'll contribute to the wedding. I get so stressed anytime I have to deal with the two of them together.  I just know that brokering communication with them for the wedding is going to be a huge pain in the behind. /rant.
Posted by WendyBird0727[/QUOTE]

Why do you need to ask him if he'll contribute?

It's nice that your mother wants to contribute, but it sounds like it would be easier for everyone if you just paid for whatever she doesn't pay for.

I'd also think hard about how much she can save between now and the wedding and consider that she may have some unexpected expenses in that time that might require her to dip into your wedding fund. That is - don't count on getting any money or sign any contracts until you KNOW you are getting the money (have the money in your hand).

WendyBird0727

My fiance and I can't pay for anything at the moment.  He's in dental school and I'm completing a Master's degree...It's also customary in my family for the bride's parents to pay for the wedding. 

hmonkey

[QUOTE]It's also customary in my family for the bride's parents to pay for the wedding. 
Posted by WendyBird0727[/QUOTE]

in that case, just bill him and he'll know what to do.

PMeg819

It's customary maybe, but unrealistic today. I would not count on any money from him and have the wedding you can afford with what you have.

6fsn

Don't call your dad.  Don't tell your mom what your dad is or is not contributing. 

DG1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_little-boo-hooing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:1eab3517-62fb-4a6a-9cce-4e2b93a1aea3Post:d30e0cd8-70e5-470d-b932-a3ab84c6c97a">Re: A little boo-hooing</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I can't pay for anything at the moment.  He's in dental school and I'm completing a Master's degree...It's also customary in my family for the bride's parents to pay for the wedding. 
Posted by WendyBird0727[/QUOTE]

Hmm. It's customary in my family not to expect handouts from anyone and only to throw parties we can afford to.

If you need to be married to get health insurance or something, go to the JOP and then have a big party in a couple of years. If you can wait, wait until you can afford it.

Vergeer2012

I know how you feel with the stress that parents can put on you. What would be best is for your mother to suck it up and call your dad herself. There is enough pressure on you at the moment to plan the wedding and find the best deals on things. It'll be harder than anything to tell your mother to call him, but it will be worth it in the end. They need to grow up and take care of their daughter and her wedding if they find it customary to pay for it. The burden should not be on you to ask for money.