Wedding Woes
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Are they a social unit, if one of them is married to someone else???


 (I'm XP this on the etiquette board, to see if the proper rules even apply here, but I want the opinions here too.)

A little over a year ago, one of FI's groomsmen became involved with a married woman, Tiffany.
He considers her his "girlfriend" (His status on FB is 'in a relationship') even though she is still married, and bounces back and forth between living with her husband, her parents, and occasionally Karl, when her husband and parents get tired of dealing with her. 

Basically, the woman is a wh0re. While "dating" Karl, (in addition to being married) she started sleeping with his best friend, Ryan.
 Any time they are together, Ryan is with them, and the two of them are all over each other. Karl knows they slept together, and broke it off for a while...but is now seeing her, again. 

It makes our entire circle of friends disgusted to see it. The last time they came to FI's and my house, I was on the verge of asking Tiffany to leave, because it was so blatantly obvious what was going on, and Karl was just...sitting there, all stoney faced and miserable. On the rare occasions where Ryan isn't around, she finds another male to latch onto, still in front of Karl.

Now, I get that this is HIS problem to deal with, that if he wants to put up with her cheating on him (can it be considered cheating if she's married to someone else already???) and rubbing it in his face, its entirely his decision...But I don't want the woman at my wedding. 

So, my question is, even though he considers her to be his "girlfriend", do you think I can get away with not inviting her? I'm...ok with being rude, to avoid seeing Tiffany dry humping some random man on the dance floor, while Karl drowns his sorrows with umpteen glasses of wine.

Also, I prefer the more polite route of inviting Karl, and on the RSVP card, indicating that we have reserved 1 seat, etc. I may be wrong but I feel like he's intelligent enough to know what that means.
 But FI thinks that he needs to tell Karl, explicitly, that she is not welcome at our wedding, and that if she shows up, she'll be asked to leave. He's afriad that Karl will just assume that he can bring a guest. 

So, in this situation, I'd like to know what you think A) proper ettiquette suggests, and also B) What YOU would do, ettiquette rules be damned. 

Re: Are they a social unit, if one of them is married to someone else???

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    krizzo17krizzo17 member
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    edited December 2011
    I have no idea what ettiquette suggest, but I'd "accidentally" mail the invitation to her and her husband, addressed to Tiffany and Karl.

    Ok actually I wouldn't, but I'd think about it.
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    nicoleg1982nicoleg1982 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Invite as "dude and guest."  Let the drama be theirs.  
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    ~~Busy.~~~~Busy.~~ member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You are all adults. He is your FI's friend and yours.  Stop with the invite etiquette games. Tell him you don't want her there and why. 
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    seesawgirlseesawgirl member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Lol @Busy- I'm expecting a completely different response on the etiquette board, which is why I posted here too. From what I've read while lurking, its a "no-no" to tell someone specifically that they aren't invited, but I'm glad that there's someone else that thinks that there are exceptions to the rules. :)
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    *Barbie**Barbie* member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm with Busy. Be prepared to lose Karl as a friend over this.
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    seesawgirlseesawgirl member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ah well. 

    I guess there IS one upside. Given the fact that we're going to be playing mostly indie, folk, and bluegrass music during the reception, hopefully there won't be anything for her to bootie dance to. 

    *crosses fingers*
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    ~~Busy.~~~~Busy.~~ member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Well sleeping around while still being married and part time living with your husband is also against etiquette so I'm going to go ahead and say you get a pass on the invite rules.
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    seesawgirlseesawgirl member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_social-unit-one-of-married-someone-else?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:2098ee24-8709-424b-a31a-a9d6346a0646Post:947cf565-a867-49ae-b458-2b4a3b2502a5">Re: Are they a social unit, if one of them is married to someone else???</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well sleeping around while still being married and part time living with your husband is also against etiquette so I'm going to go ahead and say you get a pass on the invite rules.
    Posted by ~~Busy.~~[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>I lol'd at this. This was exactly what FI said.</div>
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