s/o Christmas lists (warning: the post contains the rantings of a bitter infertile)

zsazsa-stl

It seems that more than in prior years I'm getting negativty out of family members about Christmas lists for themselvees and their kids.  I hadn't said a word to my sister yet about what to get her girls when I received an e-mail sent to all aunts and uncles and grandparents asking us to back off because she doesn't know what her kids want either (then she sent a follow-up explaining that it was aimed at one aunt on the other side of the family in particular).  But it just makes me highly anxious and resentful of the whole gifting process.  If you don't want gifts, say that.  But it seems like I'm getting lists of "what not to get me" that leave few options. 

DG's post on FB just sent me over the edge.  You people wanted children.  You planned for those children.  You love those children and your extended family want to love them, too.  I get it that you are stressed year round and even more so at the holidays.  But get the fluck over yourselves if Grandma sends a teddy bear and little Mahkyleei already has twelve of them.  She didn't have to send anything.

VarunaTT

Zsa, I'm feeling you about the kids & Christmas thing right now. Maybe not for the same reasons, but I'm really having to sit on my tongue with some friends and their kid issues lately.

PMeg819

I honestly don't care what people get DS. I'm more annoyed in general at gifts without thought- which DH's family is famous for. If you don't know what to get him, just send us money. We'll put it in his college fund. People make it harder than it has to be.

6fsn

I try really hard not to complain about what people get my kids.  I fail when MIL continues to wash hand me down clothes when I've asked her to stop.  I also failed when she called 3 times in one day for M2 ideas that she needs 4 days from now.

I didn't see the DG post and your sister was a jerk about blasting everyone instead of confronting the one.

zsazsa-stl

I am really trying to be thoughtful about what to get H's GD for Christmas.  I was thinking that maybe we could do an exersaucer thing, but their living room/kitchen area is so small. that they probably don't want that unless it is something that they research and buy themselves.  I thought that maybe we could start a savings account or go the savings bond route, but really, this kid shouldn't have any money worries.  Her parents already make more than H and I do and either of her other grandparents could write a check for her college education right now.  $100 in a savings account from us is laughable. 

tawillers

FWIW, zsa, we had an evenflo exersaucer and it folded up.  So at least they could put it away when they didn't want it out in the room.

6fsn

zsa- I have no doubt that you are thoughtful with everything you do.  One thought- a fun money account may not be a bad idea.  College savings is one thing, but having a little nest egg for a car or a trip to Europe is also great.

GBCK

The whole "to much crap for my kid, stop it!" is such an awesome (and 1st world) problem to have--what could be better than so many people loving my kid so much that they want to shower her w/ things to show that love?

(But I do grouse about it more than I ought.  And rather unfairly because I *KNOW* some of my grousing is "damnit, I don't want my kid to have 47 toys to open on Christmas. 30 is a reasonable number.  If you folks all get her 10, then *I* can't spoil her at all.  I want to get my kid stuff too *kick sand*".  And that's not fully reasonable of me.  [which was the conclusion I came to on my own last? week.  And I've quit buying her crap and will put any of the rest of the $ I want to spendo n gifts for her this year into the college fund])

DG1

It was a link to a sarcastic article including things like "please, no live animals" and "make sure it has an "off" button." 

Sure, people may mean well when they give them a puppy. But I did not sign on for a freaking puppy. Puppies do not automatically come with the children I signed on for, and if you give them a puppy, you're essentially forcing me to either take care of it (when you know I already can't even keep my freaking stove clean) or tell them they can't have it, making me the bad guy.  

That's not being generous to the child. That's being inconsiderate to the parent. 

We want to teach our kids to say thank you for whatever they're given, but people who give to children, especially small ones, should be aware that the gift will be played/dealt with by the kid AND the parent, and it might be nice if the gift had mutual benefit.

DG1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_so-christmas-lists-warning-the-post-contains-the-rantings-of-a-bitter-infertile?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:22ea0ebf-63da-42cc-84ea-f3f932f82909Post:1a1fdda0-6d3e-4f80-90c2-f6eb66c96481">Re: s/o Christmas lists (warning: the post contains the rantings of a bitter infertile)</a>:
[QUOTE]zsa- I have no doubt that you are thoughtful with everything you do.  One thought- a fun money account may not be a bad idea.  College savings is one thing, but having a little nest egg for a car or a trip to Europe is also great.
Posted by 6fsn[/QUOTE]

<div>True.</div><div>
</div><div>Or get the exersaucer and slap a gift receipt on it. Make sure they know you won't be offended if you don't see it in their house on your next visit.</div>

zsazsa-stl

I agree that there are gifts that are an extremely bad idea (like a puppy).  And I know that the article was meant to be funny and sarcastic.  But the overall tone of resentment put me off.  You wanted kids.  Guess what, kids come with noisy toys!  You want the involvement of extended family.  Guess what, extended family doesn't know the particular eccentricities and preferences of you and your children as well as you do!  So no matter how much they try, they are going to miss the mark. 

It just seems like people feel entitled to gifts, but holy hell if those gifts aren't perfect.  We should all just pass an envelope full of cash to the left and go home.   I could argue that the whole idea of request lists is tacky.  I know it is a practical necessity of our culture, but in summary, and in conclusion:  it's a gift.  Take it and be nice about it. 

Wzz

anyone who does the "do not want" list (withough good reason - my do not want list ALWAYS contains perfume because of allergies, for instance), is ungrateful and needs to really be taught the meaning of gift giving.

i'm always grateful anyone gives anything to the kid. to me, it's just the fact that the people thought of him when they took time from their day to either go to a store or spend time on a website is very thoughtful.

*Barbie*

i get annoyed with SIL's unsolicited Christmas lists for herself and her kids, so I can understand where you're coming from on unsolicited "do not buy" lists. 

I am fortunate that my mom is thoughtful enough to ask what wolverine needs, and generally just sends a few small gifts (outfits/toys) and cash for her college fund. MIL buys her every toy known to man. the generousity is much appreciated, but i really wish she'd ask for our input. we have been taking most of the gifts and storing them and then letting her open them throughout the year.

the "fun money" account sounds like an awesome idea. They could also apply it towards something fun when she's a bit older (gymnastics, sports, riding lessons, whatever). 

AuntFlo

I am totally with you Zsa.   And I don't know anyone who thinks a live animal is a good idea for a gift, so I'm not even going to worry about that.

ETA: I think a dead animal would be a bad gift, too, FWIW.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_so-christmas-lists-warning-the-post-contains-the-rantings-of-a-bitter-infertile?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:22ea0ebf-63da-42cc-84ea-f3f932f82909Post:f87e3a1c-c57f-4644-a574-c69fb0807ea6">Re: s/o Christmas lists (warning: the post contains the rantings of a bitter infertile)</a>:
[QUOTE]I am totally with you Zsa.   And I don't know anyone who thinks a live animal is a good idea for a gift, so I'm not even going to worry about that. <strong>ETA: I think a dead animal would be a bad gift, too, FWIW.
</strong>Posted by AuntFlo[/QUOTE]

Bwahahahahahahahaha!

mrsconn23

LOL @ AF. 

I only offer "do not want" if people ask.  (Like I got asked if DefConn needs a  ride-on toy.  He has three...and only one ass.  We don't need another).

But if I get duplicates or something that just won't work for some reason, I just try to return it.  Wal-mart took almost everything back that I returned last year (he got three ride-on toys for Christmas last year...We returned 2 and then he got 2 more for his bday, which we kept...Why? I don't know )

6fsn

Ded @AF. 

I have said no to certain things when asked too.  The easel for instance.  MIL kept trying to insist and I'm glad I put my foot down because he wouldn't have enjoyed it anyway.