Wedding Woes

I do not understand

WHY SHE CAN'T JUST USE HER WORDS!!!!!!!!

And 5 years with no discussion of marriage? Nothing?



So, after reading many stories similar to mine, I've decided to write my own plea for help and advice. 


I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years and we have been living together for almost 4 years.  I love him very much and have always thought he was "the one".  We have a great relationship, laughs are plentiful, and I trust him.  Over the past year or two, I have watched almost all of my college friends get married.  (I am 26 and he just turned 30.)  After being together for so long, I want us to take the next step in our lives together too. 


Honestly, I can't believe he hasn't proposed yet.  I've always had the old-fashioned view that the guy should propose to the girl he wants to marry.  However, the waiting has been getting the best of me lately.  My best friend advised me to casually say something to him and see how he reacted.  Last Christmas, he asked me what I wanted as a present and I replied "a diamond ring" and showed him the type of ring I would like.  It was a BIG step for me to suggest that he should propose.  I always thought it would come naturally for him. 


Well, it's the middle of April and I'm still without a ring.  Lately, I have become so resentful that I feel like I am hurting our relationship.  It just really upsets me that he hasn't even talked about it at all, even to say if he's not ready.  And now, who would want to propose to an irritable, resentful girlfriend? 


The problem is that I don't want the marriage to be my idea.  I'm afraid that if I bring up a proposal again, I wouldn't think he was being genuine if he did propose after all of my prompting.  I know I want to move on if he doesn't propose.  Our lease is up in June, so I have to make a decision soon.  Should I wait and see what he does, then move out if nothing happens?  Talk to him now...or later?  I know I have said enough to make him aware that I want to get married.  I think I have my prince, but I'm tired of waiting for my happy ending.  Any help would be greatly appreciated!!!
"I would be sad if sex was only about the climax, lame." Someone who is obviously doing it wrong
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Re: I do not understand

  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011

    maybe he is saving up for the $10 cz ring.

    image
  • TheDuckisTheDuckis member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, ever since I was a little girl I dreamed of marrying a man I didn't feel comfortable talking to.
  • edited December 2011
    Ha! That $10 is something to live up to.
    "I would be sad if sex was only about the climax, lame." Someone who is obviously doing it wrong
    Photobucket
  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Yeaaaaaah.  If she can't even bring herself to discuss marriage with him, I don't see a stellar future for this relationship.

    I love how talking about a diamond ring (once!) = talking about marriage.  Yeah, let me tell you, finances, life goals, kids vs. no kids, sex, these are all side issues compared to a bright, sparkly object.  That's what she should focus on.  Totally. 
  • SarahM2012SarahM2012 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Have you even talked about getting married? Maybe thats not his thing or maybe he is saving up.  No one likes to have the where are we going talk because of the risk but its worth it.  You risk what you value; go for it.
  • baconsmombaconsmom member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_not-understand?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:236cbfef-e2e4-4f03-826c-f77890f76c08Post:3c76aa75-5a86-4dc4-ac74-8eceabb4b45b">Re: I do not understand</a>:
    [QUOTE]Have you even talked about getting married? Maybe thats not his thing or maybe he is saving up.  No one likes to have the where are we going talk because of the risk but its worth it.  You risk what you value; go for it.
    Posted by SarahM2012[/QUOTE]

    <div>First off: Hee!</div><div>
    </div><div>Secondly: This is not "A" talk or "THE" talk. How do you not talk about your relationship steadily? I mean, isn't this something that comes up pretty regularly? It did for my H and me, and still does. What are they talking about if it's not things like kids, sex, money, pets, - LIFE? Do they just discuss American Idol every day at dinner or something? </div>
    image
  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_not-understand?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:236cbfef-e2e4-4f03-826c-f77890f76c08Post:3c76aa75-5a86-4dc4-ac74-8eceabb4b45b">Re: I do not understand</a>:
    [QUOTE]Have you even talked about getting married? Maybe thats not his thing or maybe he is saving up.  No one likes to have the where are we going talk because of the risk but its worth it.  You risk what you value; go for it.
    Posted by SarahM2012[/QUOTE]

    Jesus, people, I'm getting really sick and damn tired of not lurking before you post.  Seriously.  Because if you did, you would know that this is obviously a C&P.  Don't be a dumbass and try to address the person we're talking about.  <strong>She's not actually here.
    </strong>
    I've just seen a LOT of this lately.
  • edited December 2011
    I'm just baffled. CP and I gathered to discuss changing our status on FB. How does marriage not come up at all in 5 years? At all. Do they collect SSI and have no contact with the outside world beyond the interwebz?
    "I would be sad if sex was only about the climax, lame." Someone who is obviously doing it wrong
    Photobucket
  • L_WoodsL_Woods member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Man and I talk about our relationship on the regular, and other people ask us ALL.THE.TIME if we're getting married or having babies soon and it's only been 2 years. Heck, the first "so when's the ring?" question led us to one of the discussions.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • awesome-sauceawesome-sauce member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_not-understand?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:236cbfef-e2e4-4f03-826c-f77890f76c08Post:8fd8282e-23c4-434b-b2ac-708e1a71e751">Re: I do not understand</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm just baffled. CP and I gathered to discuss changing our status on FB. How does marriage not come up at all in 5 years? At all. Do they collect SSI and have no contact with the outside world beyond the interwebz?
    Posted by HookaPants[/QUOTE]

    Hooka, FB status is <em>obviously </em>more imporant than having an adult conversation. She's probably tweeted her concerns, but not to her SO.
    .
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_not-understand?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:236cbfef-e2e4-4f03-826c-f77890f76c08Post:cea631a1-e94f-45d6-81ed-1105c42b4d18">Re: I do not understand</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I do not understand : Hooka, FB status is obviously more imporant than having an adult conversation. She's probably tweeted her concerns, but not to her SO.
    Posted by awesome-sauce[/QUOTE]

    Srsly. We sat down and talked out how we felt about changing our relationship status on fb. Both sides were heard and concerns were addressed. How do they decide what's for dinner?
    "I would be sad if sex was only about the climax, lame." Someone who is obviously doing it wrong
    Photobucket
  • awesome-sauceawesome-sauce member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_not-understand?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:236cbfef-e2e4-4f03-826c-f77890f76c08Post:b57dd9ef-e84d-4f23-b74c-06dbc2a54648">Re: I do not understand</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I do not understand : Srsly. We sat down and talked out how we felt about changing our relationship status on fb. Both sides were heard and concerns were addressed. How do they decide what's for dinner?
    Posted by HookaPants[/QUOTE]

    Oh, just go to Ryan's. They have buffeT.

    **puke**
    .
  • SarahM2012SarahM2012 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Baconsmom:  You would be suprised at how much ppl dont talk about in relationships and thats why they dont last.  They might try and talk but it ends up in a fight with nothing resloved. If she really wanted to get married and really wanted this guy then she would have done it by now. You go after what you want and don't wait around for someone else to make your life choices for you.
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