Wedding Woes

Long, but I thought it was funny

It's a response to "Open letter to working moms" (I can put that here, if you're interested - it's equally smug but not nearly so amusing).

Kim,

 

I thank you for this challenge. I have not worked since I was married, but I am tempted to get a job often.

 

We live in a horrid house (with snakes and rodents in the walls), but we pay only $200/month, which is ridiculously low (even for MO). The only way we could afford to move would be for me to work, but I cannot/must not give into the discontentment that would drive me to that decision.

 

Our van is nice, a 2003 model, and it is our only car, but we are about to loose it (we are 60+ days past due, you only get 90 days).

 

My husband could not get a job that paid over minimum wage, even though he has a college degree…

 

And we have hospital bills galore, because we don’t have insurance.

 

That said, I often think “If I got a job we could get caught up on bills and get out of debt.” I have great compassion and sympathy for working moms, because I think I know some of the financial stress that drives them there.

 

But, ultimately, I CHOOSE to live in poverty to stay with the kids. Some here might attack me, saying that I am choosing poverty for my kids. I accept that charge. My husband and I believe that my staying home with the kids (and home schooling them) is far more important that living above the poverty level. It is a tearful and hard choice. I still struggle with it daily, but we will keep going on.

 

Thank you for your encouragement.
Bethany W in mid-MO

 

 

All I can think of is muthaf*ckin snakes in the muthaf*ckin walls, which makes me read this in my head in Samuel L. Jackson's voice.

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Re: Long, but I thought it was funny

  • HEE @ the "SOAP" reference.

    Was this on a board or an article?
  • *nose snort*  Ha!
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  • This is a far more amusing read in the Samuel Jackson "muthaf*ckin snakes in the muthaf*ckin walls" voice.
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  • OMG..."Maybe you have other truly extenuating circumstances."

    I want to punch the writer in her smug SAHM snatch.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_long-but-i-thought-it-was-funny?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:24494e64-1297-47d2-b47f-8bc908ef271fPost:73fb63c2-38dc-42ae-8bd9-8370355b7489">Re: Long, but I thought it was funny</a>:
    [QUOTE]OMG..."Maybe you have other truly extenuating circumstances." I want to punch the writer in her smug SAHM snatch.
    Posted by mrs.conn23[/QUOTE]
    Smug snatch indeed (and pretty economically ignorant)  She needs a face punch.  Hard.  Then tell her than getting a nose job is a bourgie decadence.
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  • GBCKGBCK member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited March 2012
    Not a shock that the shoe lady attracts crazy 'yes women' commenters.

    She's the one who had moldy clothes for her kids in boxes under the house...that they built on someone else's land, right?
    or am I mixing up my fundies?

    PS, have you seen the 'Catholics are of the debil' debacle here?  I was clued in and spent my lunch watching it unfold...
    I don't know why it fascinates me, but it does:

  • GBCKGBCK member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_long-but-i-thought-it-was-funny?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:24494e64-1297-47d2-b47f-8bc908ef271fPost:73fb63c2-38dc-42ae-8bd9-8370355b7489">Re: Long, but I thought it was funny</a>:
    [QUOTE]OMG..."Maybe you have other truly extenuating circumstances." I want to punch the writer in her smug SAHM snatch.
    Posted by mrs.conn23[/QUOTE]

    <div>Extinuating circumstances like not WANTING to define my life as wife and mommy?  And thinking my husband is just as capable of parenting?</div>
  • This:

    [QUOTE]My husband and I believe that my staying home with the kids (and home schooling them) is far more important that living above the poverty level.[/QUOTE]

    Made me do the Scooby Doo <em>*huh?*</em> sound.
  • edited March 2012
    But, ultimately, I CHOOSE to live in poverty to stay with the kids

    Ok. I hope that works out for them.
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  • Is this the new EmilyKate?
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  • OMG, I thought Bethany's letter was a joke response. 

    I'm so sad for her kids now.   I'm kind of sad for her too...but she needs to find her ovaries and take them to get a job.
  • she lost me at "reconsider cable tv."

    btw, i hate that "feminists" do not support a woman's decision to stay at home.  yes, they do.  feminists support a woman's right and decision to do whatever she flarking wants. 

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  • Well... feminists generally don't support decisions to maintain the power imbalance.
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  • God, is she an idiot?

    I am very pro SAHM, but not when you're living below the poverty level for the sake of staying at home with your kids. And if she's homeschooling them, these children realize exactly what's happening, including  the rodents in the walls.
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  • This reminds me of Good Times. I could never understand why Florida didn't work, and her kids were is school. They were poor and in the projects, but she wanted to be a stay home wife and mother.
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  • DG1DG1 member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Wait. That isn't a real letter, is it? That's sarcasm to make a point, right? Like how the people writing on Rick Perry's FB wall aren't really asking him for medical advice?

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_long-but-i-thought-it-was-funny?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:24494e64-1297-47d2-b47f-8bc908ef271fPost:17cd5a9e-8735-483f-a8cb-6ee26380d0d6">Long, but I thought it was funny</a>:
    [QUOTE] My husband and I believe that my staying home with the kids <strong>(and home schooling them)</strong> is far more important that living above the poverty level. Posted by ReturnOfKuus[/QUOTE]

    those poor kids don't stand a chance.
    this woman sounds super SMRT - I'm sure her children are receiving an excellent education.
  • Everything except for the snakes and rodents in the house and the state describes my cousin perfectly.   Even the first name!
  • I cannot think of one freaking place in this entire state that you can rent a house for $200.  I cannot imagine the condition of that hovel and the fact that there are children in it, scares me terribly.  I 

    My first apartment was $321 (god, I miss that apartment) and was decent enough quality.  I can't imagine what $200 would get.  The only thing I can really think of is a trailor house and that's a death trap in mid MO, just waiting to happen.
  • tyler and catelynne from "teen mom" rented a 2 bedrom for $200 in up michigan.
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  • There are lots of eyeroll-worthy responses in there, including:

    Great post! God doesn’t do “cookie cutters” but he does give us general principals to follow and the woman at home as a helpmeet to her husband is one. This is how God designed the family to work best. Since we live in a fallen world this isn’t always going to be possible but still we should strive to live as God would have us live. Submit yourself fully to God in all things and he will lead you in the right direction.

     and this:

    “You might be willing to make all the lifestyle changes that would enable you to stay home but your husband insists that you work.”

    Yep, that’s me. He makes 2-3 times more than I do (and we can live quite comfortably on my salary–not entirely sure where his goes actually), but still insists I work. But I don’t get much say at all in how the money I earn is spent, so I’m definitely not allowed to tithe, or give much to charity either. But then, since he also has decreed that we are also never having children (and surgically guaranteed it, very much against my wishes), I guess I wouldn’t have been the “M” in that “SAHM” anyway. And he insists “we don’t need a homemaker.” Nope, he’d rather eat out most meals (because that’s SUCH a great idea given his diabetes, high cholesterol, and high blood pressure), and spend most of the time he’s not working either playing with his friends or plunked in front of that gigantic television that he just had to have (and bought when he was unemployed!) bringing filth and violence and noise into my otherwise-peaceful home. If I sound a little bitter, I guess it’s because I am. I didn’t sign up for this. The man I married said he was a Christian. In summary: ouch. But God is still faithful and I will still trust in Him.

    Great idea - stay in a sh*tty marriage with someone you don't seem to like very much because God told you to.

  • baconsmombaconsmom member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited March 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_long-but-i-thought-it-was-funny?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:24494e64-1297-47d2-b47f-8bc908ef271fPost:cb5791cb-75a5-4221-99b4-4f62e0bfc688">Re: Long, but I thought it was funny</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well... feminists generally don't support decisions to maintain the power imbalance.
    Posted by ReturnOfKuus[/QUOTE]
    One parent staying home isn't a power imbalance. It's a choice the couple makes for the family. I don't feel any less powerful than my husband because I was the low-earner who stayed home. He won't feel any less powerful if I ever become the high-earner and he stays home. <div>
    </div><div>And if we couldn't afford a dependable car, TV, occasional dinners out, and activities for Bacon, you bet your ass we'd both be working as many jobs as necessary to elevate our standard of living. </div><div>
    </div><div>^^^See? It doesn't take staying at home for a power imbalance. I know where all the money is and where it goes. I'm involved in all those decisions, because this is a partnership whether I'm primarily at home or not. </div>
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  • See, I stopped reading right here.

    so I’m definitely not allowed to tithe,

    If she thinks that she has a true Godly man, why would he forbid her to tithe?
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  • WzzWzz member
    2500 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper

    i dunno. they both sound entirely too presumptuous. people who go without "luxuries" aren't always living in poverty. and people who work and have kids probably like their jobs. since the kid is in school when they get older, why give that up?

    anyway. i think i am most annoyed with the comment about giving up extracurricular activities because the kid has to learn the difference between wants and needs. sorry, but i think working to pay for a kid to develop talents and skills is as important as being with me as the parent.

    i know i am late to comment, but i am busy at work. bah humbug.

  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited March 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_long-but-i-thought-it-was-funny?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:24494e64-1297-47d2-b47f-8bc908ef271fPost:42acb938-db13-4648-8a56-5c1b6e531ede">Re: Long, but I thought it was funny</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Long, but I thought it was funny : One parent staying home isn't a power imbalance. It's a choice the couple makes for the family. I don't feel any less powerful than my husband because I was the low-earner who stayed home. He won't feel any less powerful if I ever become the high-earner and he stays home.  And if we couldn't afford a dependable car, TV, occasional dinners out, and activities for Bacon, you bet your ass we'd both be working as many jobs as necessary to elevate our standard of living.  ^^^See? It doesn't take staying at home for a power imbalance. I know where all the money is and where it goes. I'm involved in all those decisions, because this is a partnership whether I'm primarily at home or not. 
    Posted by baconsmom[/QUOTE]


    It's a choice on an individual level, sure, but each individual choice adds up to a societal norm.
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  • 6fsn6fsn member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    SAHM is hardly a societal norm.  Even in my mom groups a lot of them work at some level. 

    I agree with a lot of what zilla said.  We do with out luxuries, but we are clothed and fed.  We take vacations (well not this year since we have 2 mortgages).  We have retirment savings and our kids have college funds.  That's hardly poverty.

    We have discussed me going back to work when needed.  If getting paid outweighed the benefit of me being home I'd get a job.
  • It's going to depend on where you live. Where I live, many more women are SAHM's. I know of very few women who work because they want to, more work because they need to and don't subscribe to Bethany's joy of poverty world view. I will say this...people who think I shouldn't work (whether it's my job now or any type of work outside the home) can go fvck themselves. Me working is better than my son having a severely depressed mother or one dead from suicide.
  • No, no, no.  Not a societal norm of SAHMing, but automatically putting women on the mommy track in careers as though anticipating them staying at home.

    I should use my words more.
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