Wedding Woes
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I think I want to postpone the wedding...

I have noo clue how to bring this up to my fiance... I just.. I feel that he is being so freakin' delusional when it comes to after the wedding. He thinks money will magically appear and everything will be okay.. all you need is love...

I'm working harder than ever to start having money to save and... he isn't trying to find either a better job or another one. Idk...I just feel maybe he isn't ready? I only want to get married once and want to go into this as a lasting marriage...not a marriage filled with fights about money.... but I also don't want to upset him.. HELP!!!?!!!!?!
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Re: I think I want to postpone the wedding...

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    if the two of you are not on the same wavelength about money management right now, a wedding won't magically change that. 

    If you're not ok with supporting this guy for the rest of your life, I'd suggest calling off the wedding and finding a guy who has some ambition and drive. 

    He's going to be upset (if he decides to put some effort into it...) - but you need to look out for yourself and not worry about his feelings. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_i-think-i-want-to-postpone-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:28f2f797-02cb-45bb-bb52-75bf2301fb0cPost:1a1656a5-b185-4a3e-9762-3472f22442f4">Re: I think I want to postpone the wedding...</a>:
    [QUOTE]if the two of you are not on the same wavelength about money management right now, a wedding won't magically change that.  If you're not ok with supporting this guy for the rest of your life, I'd suggest calling off the wedding and finding a guy who has some ambition and drive.  He's going to be upset (if he decides to put some effort into it...) - but you need to look out for yourself and not worry about his feelings. 
    Posted by *Barbie*[/QUOTE]

    I'm not calling the wedding off entirely. I love him and he loves me.. I just think he needs to get some ambition and drive. A lot of it has to do with his family history.. his parents constantly belittle him,etc,etc.. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_43-days-away-and-future-in-laws-decide-not-to-pay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:44807f16-fc7a-4d5f-9653-f083888414cbPost:aafa0a0c-8e4f-401f-af1b-af6994b3c31a">Re: 43 days away and future in-laws decide not to pay</a>:
    [QUOTE]First of all, let me say I'm SO sorry about this... I'm dittoing the cake and punch Idea. You can even get a supermarket cake and some dollar sodas.... I feel your pain..<strong> I have In laws refusing to pay for anything myself.</strong>
    Posted by quirkygrl16[/QUOTE]
    <div>
    </div><div>Think I found the real problem in your post below. You're looking for someone else to pay for your pretty princess day, and support you overall. Obviously your FI isn't pulling his weight in the cash department, and neither are his parents.</div><div>
    </div><div>Good luck with him randomly "finding some ambition and drive" - not going to happen. I have a friend who thought the same thing. Her H quit his "FT" job shortly after the wedding and is now taking seasonal/day laborer jobs when he can find them. They've been married almost 2 years and he hasn't worked more than 2 months straight in that time - she's losing her mind trying to support the two of them in a secretary job. </div>
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    Your wedding is one day. After the wedding is the rest of your life. You need to follow your (very good) instincts and work this out. You may want to invest in some pre-marital counseling. The couselor will walk you and FI through a variety of hot button issues, including money, and help you set a plan on how to productively address the issues when they arise after marriage. Disagreements about money are one of the top trouble areas for couples. You are not alone in that. You have the gift of knowing about this before the wedding. I hope you are able to resolve things together.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_i-think-i-want-to-postpone-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:28f2f797-02cb-45bb-bb52-75bf2301fb0cPost:64d5fbce-371e-4d85-a4b4-13df4c14be26">Re: I think I want to postpone the wedding...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I think I want to postpone the wedding... : I'm not calling the wedding off entirely. I love him and he loves me.. I just think he needs to get some ambition and drive. A lot of it has to do with his family history.. his parents constantly belittle him,etc,etc.. 
    Posted by quirkygrl16[/QUOTE]

    If he doesn't have any ambition or drive now, he won't after he's married. There are no magical powers contained in the male wedding ring.  Who he is now is who he will be later, whether you love him or not.  I have two friends who are on the verge of divorce because their husbands simply don't care to make any changes to how they live their lives in order to support their families. What's more, they've turned into complete and total azzholes over even the IDEA that they might want to do something for someone other than themselves.  Both have been in counseling and have admitted that they have no plans to change, even if their wives leave them over it.  (Not saying that your guy is like this, but neither of them saw this coming either.) 

    Postpone until you both get some counseling and figure out the root of the problem and what you both need to do about it. If he says he doesn't see anything wrong or doesn't want to work on the problems, then you have a decision to make.
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    If you think he's great except for a lack of ambition (red flag), then call off the wedding.  If he magically changes at some point, then you can talk marriage--otherwise, you can then cut your losses and move on.  Don't make a bad situation worse by adding an actual marriage to the mix. 
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    Thanks everyone.  I just had the conversation with him today and he says he understands and what not...but i'm just not sure he GETS WHY i'm saying this and now I feel ridiculously guilty about it all...yet rebellious at the same time... like feeling that I need to go live it up hahaha.
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