hee.

hmonkey

Dear Amy: I have been married for 34 years but am in love with another woman (also married). We were making plans to end our marriages to be together when an anonymous letter was sent to my wife telling her of the affair.

My wife begged me to stay, and my grown children (both in their late 20s) threatened to disown me and prevent me from seeing my grandchild if I left the marriage. They say they hate me.

My wife has made my life hell since the affair by bad-mouthing me to family, friends, her co-workers and my co-workers. She has not accepted any of the responsibility for the breakdown of our marriage.

We were seeing a counselor to save our marriage but I started seeing my girlfriend again and of course my wife was furious. I was just going through the motions to see if I could win my family's forgiveness.

I am totally in love with my girlfriend and would like to have the life with her that I have always dreamed about but have never been able to experience with my wife (affection, friendship, trust, mutual interests and true love).

My girlfriend is tired of being the other woman. We are unable to see each other because of the house arrest I have been subjected to since being found out.

I can't get off the fence because I am afraid to lose my family. Do you have any suggestions?

— Fence-sitter

NOLABridesmaid

House arrest?

PMeg819

Dude...he is an azz. Why is his wife trying to make him stay? She hasn't taken any of the responsibility? Really?

loveshine1

He sounds like a real prince.

zsazsa-stl

He should have thought about not wanting to alienate his family before he picked up a girlfriend.  He already chose the girlfriend over his family, so better move on out and make it official. 

I can't imagine trying to hold on to a husband who wanted to leave me for someone else.  If H ever does that I won't be able to get him out of the house fast enough.  His wife must have no self esteem.

**O-Face**

Nowhere in any of that do I get the feeling that he is a "fence-sitter".

nicoleg1982

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_hee-56?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:2939bdab-bc08-4115-8468-cb7ffaf7d2c5Post:1a294897-7513-417c-9586-3dd9e818c773">Re: hee.</a>:
[QUOTE] If H ever does that I won't be able to get him out of the house fast enough.  
Posted by zsazsa-stl[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Particularly when faced with the business end of my shotgun.

</div>

NOLABridesmaid

Duh. Wife imposed house arrest.

I must stop working and reading at the same time.:)

MNNEBride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_hee-56?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:2939bdab-bc08-4115-8468-cb7ffaf7d2c5Post:ffb0ecca-71b5-431e-b749-3273e40f514d">hee.</a>:
[QUOTE]Dear Amy: I have been married for 34 years but am in love with another woman (also married). We were making plans to end our marriages to be together when an anonymous letter was sent to my wife telling her of the affair. My wife begged me to stay, and my grown children (both in their late 20s) threatened to disown me and prevent me from seeing my grandchild if I left the marriage. They say they hate me. My wife has made my life hell since the affair by bad-mouthing me to family, friends, her co-workers and my co-workers. She has not accepted any of the responsibility for the breakdown of our marriage. We were seeing a counselor to save our marriage but I started seeing my girlfriend again and of course my wife was furious. I was just going through the motions to see if I could win my family's forgiveness. I am totally in love with my girlfriend and would like to have the life with her that I have always dreamed about but have never been able to experience with my wife <strong><u>(affection, friendship, trust, mutual interests and true love)</u></strong>. My girlfriend is tired of being the other woman. We are unable to see each other because of the house arrest I have been subjected to since being found out. I can't get off the fence because I am afraid to lose my family. Do you have any suggestions? — Fence-sitter
Posted by hmonkey[/QUOTE]

If he had tried a little more of <strong><u>THIS</u></strong> while he was married, he wouldn't have a girlfriend AND a wife.

mrsconn23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_hee-56?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:2939bdab-bc08-4115-8468-cb7ffaf7d2c5Post:a9c54ebc-593c-4358-a022-327961f51fcf">Re: hee.</a>:
[QUOTE]Nowhere in any of that do I get the feeling that he is a "fence-sitter".
Posted by **O-Face**[/QUOTE]

Neither did I. 


What's Amy's response, Hmo?

hmonkey

Dear Fence-sitter: So far the only thing you seem able to be honest about is the fact that you are a liar.

It's time to stop going through the motions and start behaving like an authentic human being.

You have no intention of staying in (or working on) your marriage, so you should use your experience in counseling to mediate as peaceful a breakup as you can. Visit your kids and take responsibility for disappointing them. Say you hope that they will find it in their hearts to forgive you.

I find it hard to believe that you never felt friendship, affection or love toward your wife. This is an extremely painful notion for your wife (and kids) because it calls into doubt the very foundation of a long marriage.

Even as you break up, it is important not to negate or erase your marriage. Understand that leaving such a long union is the source of deep pain for your family members, and take responsibility for it.

**O-Face**

Even AMY could see that he was fooling noone.

L_Woods

So he's been cheating for a while and he's ticked the wife hasn't taken any responsibility for the break down of their marriage? Okay then.

ReturnOfKuus

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_hee-56?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:2939bdab-bc08-4115-8468-cb7ffaf7d2c5Post:1a294897-7513-417c-9586-3dd9e818c773">Re: hee.</a>:
[QUOTE]He should have thought about not wanting to alienate his family before he picked up a girlfriend.  He already chose the girlfriend over his family, so better move on out and make it official.  I can't imagine trying to hold on to a husband who wanted to leave me for someone else.  If H ever does that I won't be able to get him out of the house fast enough.  His wife must have no self esteem.
Posted by zsazsa-stl[/QUOTE]

Oh, I don't know,  He says she has been making his life hell and making sure everyone they know hates him.  I'll bet she hates him enough for the cheating that she won't just let him live a happy life with the other woman.  If she manages to create a big dealbreaker drama that ruines his relationship with the girlfriend forever, she'll probably then throw him out with a smile on her face.