Addressing invites - again

Tygirljojo

Okay, so after looking at the link Jenny provided, I'm sorry, but I REFUSE to put down for a husband and wife "Mr. & Mrs. Robert Smith"  because the wife has her own name and identity and that just plain bothers me.  That being said:

Should it be to just "Robert & Mary Smith"?  Or should it be a different way? 

What if it's a couple that isn't married but lives together?  Is it always girl first? 

What if it's a couple that is married but has different names? 

Are middle names REALLY necessary??

TIA!

sarack

honestly... if i know the woman more..i put her name first.. but thats just me.... i think the man's name goes first.

jennyann28

I don't like that the woman doesn't get a name either...  But I don't know how to do it otherwise!  I like it better with titles, but I want everyone to have their own name!

I am not putting middle names.

jennuinne

I agree, I don't like a woman not having a name.  Ours aren't super formal, so I plan on doing it John and Jane Doe, no Mr. or Mrs.  If they're not married, put both full names.  And I think its fine to put whomever you closest to first, if its a tie, do the man first.

KST_

I got so befuddled by the whole damn thing I just mostly followed the guide and put Mr. and Mrs. man, even though I don't really like that either. But I wanted to put titles because that's how I was taught when I was little. (Seriously, haha, I remember writing a letter to my friend who had moved away and my dad told me to write "Master John R" hahaha.) I couldn't figure out if it was Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Smith or Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane and got a headache so went with the traditional sexist way. :P BUT, that said...I totally skipped middle names because that was too much writing, I didn't know it for MOST guests and I would have had a hard time fitting it on an envelope.

Married but different last names I think is Mr. John Smith and Ms. Jane Doe. What I read is that Mrs. means his wife and hence should only be used in front of his name? It's weird. That's what I followed though.

Here's the chart I followed:
http://www.theweddinglens.com/blog/how-to-address-wedding-invitations/

and they say "The general rule is to address by alphabetical order when there are no titles involved and there are different last names. For children, list them in the order of oldest to youngest."
Or if you like, I say you can also put the person you know better first (which is what I'm doing). Other weird anomaly is that they say if it's for say our friend jeremy and he does NOT live with his girlfriend, we should only address it to him. But he's been dating her more than a year, so I'm putting her as a second line (etiquette claims she would only be on interior envelope which we don't have).

KST_

AND I'm TOTALLY taking the attitude that if somone has a problem with how I addressed it and not fitting whatever stupid and half-archaic etiquette rules, I did the best I can and they can NOT come to wedding (and help with my overall guest count) if it's really that big a deal :P

jennuinne

Yeah, I seriously doubt any of my guests, unless they have recently been married and worried about this, will having any effing idea.  The only one I might put Mr. & Mrs on. is my grandparents b/c they are old-fashioned and I think that's what they would think is appropriate.

niq24601

We did Mr. Robert Smith & Mrs. Mary Smith.

For different last names we did Mr. Robert Smith & Ms. Mary Jones. However the name we put first always depends on who we knew (see below)

I think ettiquete for POOSSLQ's is ladies first. But, we just put whoever we actually know so that it's not addressed to "Ms. Girlfriend Wevenevermet & Mr. Longtime Pal", which felt weird. I'm certain this violates Amy Vanderbilt's guidelines but that's her problem.

Middle names aren't necessary. For the invites we are going to do middle initials ... it looks a lot classier that way.

carrieoz_76

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_washington-seattle_addressing-invites-again?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:104Discussion:ae4fdaa1-eecc-41a0-be3c-8d0b61d263c9Post:e0682418-1d13-43b2-ac77-1517c82b1003">Addressing invites - again</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, so after looking at the link Jenny provided, I'm sorry, but I REFUSE to put down for a husband and wife "Mr. & Mrs. Robert Smith"  because the wife has her own name and identity and that just plain bothers me.  That being said: Should it be to just "Robert & Mary Smith"?  Or should it be a different way?  What if it's a couple that isn't married but lives together?  Is it always girl first?  What if it's a couple that is married but has different names?  Are middle names REALLY necessary?? TIA!
Posted by Tygirljojo[/QUOTE]
If you're doing Mr. and Mrs., then I think you have to do it "Mr. and Mrs. Robert Smith".  The only people I may do this for is FI's grandparents.  The rest are getting full names, in which case it's "Mary and Robert Smith".  The woman's name is supposed to go first.  However, for some of them we always SAY the guy's name first, and it looks funny to write it otherwise, so we may do "Robert and Mary Smith" for those.

If they live together and are in a relationship or are married and have different names, then it's "Mary Jones and Robert Smith".  The order here is supposed to be alpha by last name, I think, but again, the person I know best is probably going first on ours.

No middle names needed, unless they use them as part of their name everyday.

jennyann28

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_washington-seattle_addressing-invites-again?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:104Discussion:ae4fdaa1-eecc-41a0-be3c-8d0b61d263c9Post:4b20fec5-5d7e-4e22-abbf-395fc2a0c23d">Re: Addressing invites - again</a>:
[QUOTE]We did Mr. Robert Smith & Mrs. Mary Smith. For different last names we did Mr. Robert Smith & Ms. Mary Jones. 
Posted by niq24601[/QUOTE]

<div>Oooh, I like this, Nick!  I think that is the best compromise between etiquette and the real world that I have seen!  I just had this debate with my dad & step-mom, and we could not come up with a good way to have the woman's name, but still have Mr./Mrs.  But this would work!</div>

KST_

And other oddities - a couple friends actually go by their middle name. So it would be totally weird to send an invite to Ms. Elizabeth Smith when she hates her first name and actually goes by her middle name Kim! Of course, now I get further complicated of saying, ok so I'll use Kim because that's what she uses but should I do Ms. E Kim or Ms. E Kimberly? Blech..

ap517

What I did was (inside envelopes):

married couple
Mr. and Mrs. John Doe.
(Mr and Mrs. Doe)

married couple, wife keeps name
Ms. Jane Doe and Mr. John Deere
(Ms Doe and Mr Deere)

unmarried couple living together
Ms. Jane Doe
Mr. John Deere
(Ms. Doe
Mr. Deere)

couple not living together
(outside envelope)
Ms. Jane Doe

(inside envelope)
Ms Doe
Mr. Deere