Wedding Woes
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What about death?

Don't worry, my fiancé is fine.

I just found out that a man I dated a few years ago died of cancer just a few months ago. We weren't close, but things were serious enough for us to meet eachother's families, and he didn't have cancer then. How does a 25 year old man who doesn't drink or smoke die of cancer?

One of the main reasons that we broke up was because he wanted things to move really quickly. If he had his way, we would have been married with three kids by now. Me? I have a plan. It's a ten year plan that I cling to dearly. And I'm patient because my plan doesn't allow impatience although patience isn't my strong suit. I think maybe he had it right. To take life as it comes and to enjoy every minute of it. Here I am, waiting patiently for the engagement, waiting patiently for the marriage because I want to save for it and I want my family there and my FI's family there and I want the time to mull over details, because I love details.. But I guess news of his death really hit me.. If I had 30 days to live, what will I have accomplished? Do I really want to make myself be patient and wait a few years for marriage because that is how I had it planned in my 10 year plan? And kids? Do I want to wait another 8 years to have kids when I know that something could happen any day?

I guess I'm feeling a little down and a little worried.. And a little shaken. Here I was thinking he was doing it all wrong and setting himself up for heartbreak. He was married with kids and starting a business and a loving family standing with him when he died... It sounds like he did it right with the little life he had.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist, While you guys were busy arguing about the glass of water, I drank it. Sincerely, The Opportunist

Re: What about death?

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    While all those feelings are natural (I'm sorry.  Did he have a family history by chance?)  that doesn't have to mean you give up your plan.  Every choice in life is a bit of a gamble.  For a young person, it normally makes sense to play the long term odds - if death at 25 were common, it probably wouldn't come as such an unexpected shock.  You never get through life without risk, and only you can decide if it's time to tweak your grand plan.  Rushing into things is a risk, too.  Be glad he took the gambles he did, but make your own decision based on what's right for you.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    I'm confused. Your "fiance" is fine, but you're waiting for an engagement?
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_death-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:2f0286f2-04e8-4056-b8eb-a1ad0875086fPost:2acdaff8-dbb0-4868-9118-fa94ecba04fe">Re: What about death?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm confused. Your "fiance" is fine, but you're waiting for an engagement?
    Posted by MrsMyrtle[/QUOTE]

    This and do you make it about you every time someone dies?
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    The best advice I can give you is to learn how to support yourself and to get the heck out of Oklahoma. No good comes out of being there.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_death-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:2f0286f2-04e8-4056-b8eb-a1ad0875086fPost:c68b7e88-f063-4e34-b07f-70fd9d1e390d">Re: What about death?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What about death? : This and do you make it about you every time someone dies?
    Posted by mrs.conn23[/QUOTE]

    <div>Really, MrsConn?  You're like the patron saint of death awing.</div>
    imageimage
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    He was married with kids and starting a business and a loving family standing with him when he died... It sounds like he did it right with the little life he had.

    And now he's widowed and orphaned people. I mean, sht happens, but I'm not sure we can say this was a good outcome. 

    If you're unhappy, deal with it. But don't frame it in the context of wishing you'd married the wrong man and had children you weren't prepared to provide for.

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    [QUOTE]If you're unhappy, deal with it. But don't frame it in the context of wishing you'd married the wrong man and had children you weren't prepared to provide for.
    Posted by DG1[/QUOTE]


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    Next time I post about a sudden death, I will be sure to include a eulogy at the beginning of my post. Yes, it's about me. He died a few months ago, the mourning period is over, I'm thinking of what a good person he was and how we split because he liked to move things quickly and I like to stick to the plan, and how maybe I should learn that life comes quickly and maybe I should do a little more living while I'm planning. For those of you stating about leaving a widow and children behind.. 25, aggressive cancer that took him within less than 2 years of diagnosis.. How could anybody have known? I didn't state anywhere in there that I wished I'd married him or anybody and had kids or anything. Very sorry that you read it that way. As for the engagement - I can see the confusion, my apologies. We just got engaged. We have been dating long enough for a lot of friends and family to respond to our engagement with 'congratulations, it's about time!' To those of you with some words of wisdom, thank you very much. As for living in Oklahoma.. I'm doing everything I can to get out.. It's in my 10 year plan.
    Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist, While you guys were busy arguing about the glass of water, I drank it. Sincerely, The Opportunist
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