Just venting about ring drama

staugustinegal

I personally don't like diamonds. So, when my man and I picked out my engagement ring, we decided on using white topaz as the stone(s) of choice. I get a bigger stone that sparkles just as much as a diamond without the moral/ethical issues that diamonds have. Again, this was my personal choice and my man respected it. 

Now, people won't stop giving him snide remarks and raised eyebrows. They make it seem like he's less of a man for not buying me a diamond.  I feel like he's having to suffer for my choice and he's mentioned more than once he wishes he'd gotten me a diamond - he's even considering buying me a second engagement ring just to shut everyone up. I don't want diamonds, but he doesn't want to deal with the public opinion (that comes from complete strangers, "friends" and family alike). I've never lied to anyone about what kind of stone it is, so I've never tried to pass it off as a diamond. I'm truly hurt that folks seem to think the stone makes the ring (and the promise behind it) more legitimate. 

Does anyone else out there have a non-diamond engagement ring and get the same trouble with the general public?

icefog34

I have a diamond, but I think you're right, it's not the stone that's important, it's the meaning behind the engagement ring itself. I'm sorry your FI is having to put up with such nonsense. Your ring is beautiful and your FI shouldn't have to defend the stone choice. If I'm not mistaken, the original engagement rings didn't have diamonds but other gems and even pearls!

6fsn

I have a ruby.  Dh had a couple of comments when he first proposed about it being cheaper.  He never told anyone, but it wasn't cheaper than a diamond.  I'd wonder about a man so insecure he'd actually want to go buy a new ring.

I love my ruby and get tons of compliments on it. 

kmmssg

 Maybe he should come back at them with why you have a moral dilemma over diamonds and give them some information about the industry.  Then maybe he could ask them, "and you think supporting this industry is important why?"

warpedredpenguin

My engagement ring was a diamond, but my wedding ring is a garnet. I've gotten a few comments, but most people compliment my ring. It's simple, elegant, and me. I preferred a sapphire engagement ring, always have, but the diamond was an heirloom, and he wanted me to wear it. I love it, and him, that's all that matters I think you need new, less shallow friends. I agree with PP, ask people why they feel the need to say such critical things about something that doesn't affect them at all. Ask them why the type of stone is any of their concern. Or, be direct. Tell them you picked it, you love it, and if they have a problem, shut it. 

Peledreamsofrain

In Response to Re:Just venting about ring drama:[QUOTE]When people make hurtful comments, I think the best thing to do is call them out on it. They will be surprised, and embarassed, and it will shut them up. I would try something like, "Why would you say something so critical of my engagement ring?"They will have to defend their rude behavior instead of you and FI being on the defensive when you've done nothing wrong.Congratulations on your engagement! Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

I love this idea! I agree that the FI should NOT get a new ring. That would reinforce and reward their terrible behavior. Ask them up front. "Why are you making such hurtful comments about something that doesn't affect you?"

MoonlightSilver

If I was your FI  then I would be asking, "So you think it would be better for me to get a ring that my fiance is morally opposed to and would hate to wear just because society says we should?" 

EK2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_just-venting-about-ring-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:34b57367-d186-401a-bf17-f75977b23582Post:5a70114f-07f0-4369-baf3-4662a8ebb468">Just venting about ring drama</a>:
[QUOTE]I personally don't like diamonds. So, when my man and I picked out my engagement ring, we decided on using white topaz as the stone(s) of choice. I get a bigger stone that sparkles just as much as a diamond without the moral/ethical issues that diamonds have. Again, this was my personal choice and my man respected it.  Now, people won't stop giving him snide remarks and raised eyebrows. They make it seem like he's less of a man for not buying me a diamond.  I feel like he's having to suffer for my choice and he's mentioned more than once he wishes he'd gotten me a diamond - he's even considering buying me a second engagement ring just to shut everyone up. I don't want diamonds, but he doesn't want to deal with the public opinion (that comes from complete strangers, "friends" and family alike). I've never lied to anyone about what kind of stone it is, so I've never tried to pass it off as a diamond. I'm truly hurt that folks seem to think the stone makes the ring (and the promise behind it) more legitimate.  Does anyone else out there have a non-diamond engagement ring and get the same trouble with the general public?
Posted by staugustinegal[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Don't let these petty people ruin a ring both of you like and that you made decisions about together!</div><div>
</div><div>I have a really unusual ring. Among other things, it has two different colored gemstones "instead of" a diamond. However, I'm lucky that my friends and family know how I feel about diamonds, and that the ring's probably weird enough that everyone just figures that if I said "yes" to it, I probably wanted it.</div><div>
</div><div>I do think this will become a non-issue soon enough.</div><div>
</div><div>Maybe some of the people are jealous because your stone is "bigger" than theirs and they're just reminding themselves aloud that it's not a diamond so they stop feeling size-envy?</div><div>
</div><div>Anyone who's actually friend or family? I'd say "This is exactly what I wanted, and I hope you're glad I found someone who cares about me and what I want."</div><div>Anyone who's a "friend" or stranger? I'd probably say something to the tune of,<em> well, he wasn't proposing to you, was he? </em></div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

rajahmd

I'm sorry your dealing with this. Some people suck. My ring is an opal, my birthstone, because I've never liked diamonds and my fiance knew that. Thankfully no one has questioned it, but they do often seem surprised. When they sound  surprise, like they could say something, I jump in real quick with a "it's my birthstone and exactly what I wanted" comment. Usually helps keep others from saying anything inappropriate.

lauralaur

My center stone is a lab-created sapphire and I get a lot of compliments on it! I chose a sapphire for a few reasons: 1. I'm very pale and I thought the sapphire popped on my hand moreso than a diamond and 2. I got a pretty big center stone for not a lot of money. Most people who see it are not jewelers and don't know it's not real, a lot of them don't even know what stone it is so why not? I think when people see my ring though it tends to be so different from what they're used to seeing that they think it's kind of cool, even if they wouldn't want it for themselves.

Your ring is really, really pretty and it's something you feel really good about, tell your fi not to buy another ring. It's wasteful and it's not what you want and he knows that. When people ask about it tell them that it's exactly what you wanted, I say that a lot about my ring, because it is exactly what I wanted. Hard to fault a guy for buying his fiancee the ring she wanted.

kimdownie1213

I have a blue topaz. Why? Simply because I love blue, and my fiancee knew this. We have gotten a few comments about it being cheap or not a "real" engagement ring since it's not a diamond. I just respond that I'm happy he knew me well enough to buy a ring I would love, not what strangers told him too!

firethorn

I'm agreeing with all the other ladies. Anyone who is critical of your ring is just full of nonsense. I think your ring is lovely! Personally, I don't have any stones in my engagement ring, that's just not a style I wanted. A few people have given me strange looks, but I'm very blunt and straight-forward so no one has said anything to my face.

LauraChristin

My engagement ring is an amethyst that is a pale pink color. I chose it. Some people ask what kind of stone it is but are always complimentary. I'm shocked that you and one of the PP have had people comment on the assumed "cheapness" of your ring. I would be sure to point out how rude and inappropriate their comment is; it would not be me who left the conversation feeling like an asshole.

tamaraandgarrett

I have a black diamond and it gets some negative comments but you know what it also gets complments. I LOVE MY RING and would gladly tell anyone who had something negative to say to step off! It is your choice, your ring, and it only have to please you and your FI! That is my advice, tell them you love it and you would honestly NOT change anything about it! Tell your FI to tell everyone it was your idea and he simply respected your wishes.

Annas2013

People are so rude.  One of the girls I work with has an amethyst ring from the Le Vian collection at Kays.  It's beautiful and completely her.  

Just ignore them or say something that points out how rude they were.  If they're really going to say something like that, they deserve to be embarrassed.  Your FI shouldn't buy you another ring since you didn't want diamonds in the first place and other peoples' opinions of your ring shouldn't matter.

entropicbeauty

My engagement ring was sapphire, my wedding ring is a blue topaz....like you I am ethically opposed to diamonds and to be perfectly frank I think it's silly to spend a ridiculous amount of money on a piece of jewelry which I could quite possibly lose or damage.

Stand strong, and know that all that matters is that YOU like it!

cwaggoner07

It baffles me when people say things like that. Would you question so harshly any other piece of jewelry someone owned??
I agree with Liatris - put it back in their court, because the onus falls on them, not YOU.

danielleper03

Mine is a colorless sapphire (i love broken things haha). It was much less than a diamond but you'd never tell it was anything but a diamond just by looking at it. And that's fine with me. I didn't need a diamond, and instead of sparkling all rainbow, it sparkles more blue, which I really like. I don't usually tell people about it unless they ask. No need to throw it out there. Sorry people are so rude and lame.

NamelessAria

     I think it is great that your guy respected your choice and picked a ring that YOU will love and be happy with. It is really a shame that your family and friends are giving him a hard time about it because you're absolutely right about the stone not making the ring or the promise behind it any more real. Congratulations of the engagement! I wish you all the best!

     I'm not a huge fan of diamonds either so my guy went with a pink sapphire and diamonds along the band. So far everyone has  loved it (or at least pretended that they do to my face) and I've gotten a lot of remarks about how "unique" it is. I love it but my guy seemed a little worried I wouldn't like it because it isn't traditional. He offered (several times) to buy me something else when he has more money to spend on a ring but I told him its perfect and I love it!