Flowers - Tip? Gift? Nothing?

ILoveToRobot

I may have posted about this before but I've been so back and forth and the whole situation is just gettting weirder and weirder.

Long story short (kinda), GM mom is doing the flowers, she offered as a favor to us, we accepted under the impression that we'd just be paying for the flowers. After our first meeting that's what we came out in agreement with, a month or so before the wedding she decides to run the flowers through her store and our cost more than triples. Had we known she was going to do this I could've shopped around to get the best deal and to find someone who understands my vision. Unfortunately when I say muted pinks, purples and blues she buys hot pink and brown... ugh.

Anyway, FI gets a call from GM last night. GM says his mom is freaking out because she can't transport all the flowers and she was asking GM to borrow his van. Then, GM has the balls to tell FI that his mom isn't making a dime on this job blah blah blah... When I heard this I'm just thinking, well she offered to do it for cost and then she decided to run it through the store and give them the profit. That's her bad not ours. Also, in the beginning she said she'd transport all the flowers and we wouldn't have to worry about it. Then, we find out she does need help and we tell her that we'll transport them. But that obviously hasn't sunk in with her... It's not a suprise at this point. She'll tell me she can't get something and then 3 minutes later say she's expecting 4 flats of them in. WTH!? Crazy lady!

OK so end the rant and here's my question. Should we give her a gift? I mean, she's making it out to be our gift... so a gift for a gift doesn't seem right? What about a tip? We invited her to the wedding only because she's doing the flowers. You don't normally tip guests... I think that's a little akward. I'd really like to just give her nothing considering all the craziness she's put us through but I don't want to cause any hurt feelings or anything. Advice?

Edit - I also feel like since we're transporting the flowers that we're kind of doing her a favor in a way...

honeybear072012

I wouldn't give her a gift.  I'd start treating her more like a vendor than a guest in regards to the flowers and you wouldn't give a gift to a vendor.  In regards to a tip, I wouldn't give her one of those either because you're going to be picking them up and setting them up and doing all that. She's not doing something extra IMO so doesn't deserve something extra especially after she's now making you pay MORE than originally agreed.

ILoveToRobot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_flowers-tip-gift-nothing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:5698d122-44ae-47e0-bf76-74772db39d96Post:b224957d-f458-49fe-bc6e-64a6a1351095">Re: Flowers - Tip? Gift? Nothing?</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't give her a gift.  I'd start treating her more like a vendor than a guest in regards to the flowers and you wouldn't give a gift to a vendor.  In regards to a tip, I wouldn't give her one of those either because<strong> you're going to be picking them up and setting them up and doing all that.</strong> She's not doing something extra IMO so doesn't deserve something extra especially after she's now making you pay MORE than originally agreed.
Posted by honeybear072012[/QUOTE]

She'll be there to set up the flowers the day of. We invited her because she would be there and GM's wifes (also a BM) parents were invited and we thought it would make for some hurt feelings if we told her to skidaddle

michelle11988

So this may be my inner b*tchiness coming out as seen in yesterday's posting but I would absolutely not tip this lady or give her anything extra besides your new trippled price.  I definitely wouldn't have invited her to my wedding, and if FI speaks to GM again about the flowers I would have him tell GM that its none of his business and to shove it.  I probably would have not even been continued to do business with a vendor if they trippled my price all of a sudden. I would also tell her again your requests and tell her you are a truly full-paying client at this point and she should follow what you want for color scheme and such. 

littlemoments324

No gift, no tip, no nothing...I'm sorry, you're doing her a favor and helping her out with it...She went behind your back and did the flowers through the store......Nope, sorry...

ILoveToRobot

Also, in her defense she is doing some of it at home. I'm having lace put in the boquets and she is looping them or whatever at home... but we had to purchase the lace and some stuff seperately on our own.

ILoveToRobot

She's running it through the store because she wanted to be able to work on stuff at work. I think it's a favor/gift... but I don't know. I think she'll biiitch to her son if we just write a thank you note and not give her anything. I'm just afraid it'll cause a rift in our friendship.

butterflyjumper1

this whole situation sounds uncomfortable, and awkward for you.  It would be awkward to have to ask her, but it would be nice if you knew whether she actually was gifting you her time and buying you the flowers at cost, or whether her store/herself is getting any sort of profit. What makes it more complicated is that you are doing some of the work for her...hmmm....

Perhaps a small and thoughtful gift would help to lessen any chances of drama - a nice thank you note and a small gift card (maybe even for just like $25 or $50) to somewhere local would ease your worries? Or even a small gift basket with some chocolates and goodies or something? I wouldn't spend too much on her, but it sounds like getting her a small gift would make you most comfortable.

KatieK501

That's a tough situation.  If it were me, and she hadn't tripled the cost, I would tip.  But because she did and the fact that she's obviously complaining to her son, I would find it hard to give her a tip, which to me is says, "you went above and beyond; we really appreciate you".