Guest List Drama...HELP!

Nikki+Aaron

My fiance and I are having trouble figuring out what is acceptable when compiling our guest list. My family is bigger than his but he has more family friends. As of right now, I am only inviting close relatives (cousins, aunts, uncles, etc.) and have cut all extended relatives (great aunts, great uncles, second cousins, etc.) However, he still has great aunts and uncles in his list. The issue is whether or not we should both invite an equal amout of people (example: I invite 100 people and he invites 100 people) or to split it as each of us invite only close relatives and family friends. To make matters worse, my family is not happy that I had to cut extended family and his family is upset by the fact that we would even consider cutting his because family is paying for the majority of the wedding. What is the most acceptable solution for this situation?

TheDuckis

Fair and equal are not always the same thing. If he has a closer relationship with his great aunts and uncles than you do with yours, then it's reasonable for him to invite them. If he hasn't spoken to these people in years and is just keeping them on the list because his family is smaller than yours, it's not reasonable.

I do think it's rude for his family to think they get to invite more people because they're contributing more money. I would tell them to keep their money if that's how they're going to act with it. Weddings are a celebration of two families coming together. If you want to contribute, you contribute to the whole.

flower_diva

50/50.......you have more than that ...your family pays for them.  Why it makes any difference who his side of the family invites with in that 100 people should not be anyones business but his family's.......you get 100...he gets 100

GBCK

Equal number of invites is just plain silly.

WHen we got married, I had 2 sisters and 10+ first cousins.
The Mr. had 1 sibling and 1 first cousin. 
Why on earth would it make sense for each of us to get 3 invites?

Inviting 'close' people is the way to go--but 'close' needs to be defined as relationship, not 'blood'.  I am close to some of my 2nd cousins twice removed.  I"m not close to some of my first cousins.  I"m close to some of my step-great-aunts.  I'm not close to some of my uncles.

LauraChristin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_guest-list-drama-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:3b995853-a627-4116-a875-247f7bb766bfPost:465f3054-f2f4-469c-8094-444c12ddd36d">Re: Guest List Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]Fair and equal are not always the same thing. If he has a closer relationship with his great aunts and uncles than you do with yours, then it's reasonable for him to invite them. If he hasn't spoken to these people in years and is just keeping them on the list because his family is smaller than yours, it's not reasonable. <strong>I do think it's rude for his family to think they get to invite more people because they're contributing more money. I would tell them to keep their money if that's how they're going to act with it. Weddings are a celebration of two families coming together. If you want to contribute, you contribute to the whole.</strong>
Posted by TheDuckis[/QUOTE]

<div>I might be wrong here so excuse me in advance, please, if I am. But I imagine his parents don't necessary want more invites than her family gets, just that they would like to have all of their family invited which depending on the amount of money they are contributing vs invites they are requesting sounds reasonable to me.</div><div>
</div><div>OP, I think you have a few options but your best one in my opinion is to choose a venue that you can afford that can accomodate all of the people you both want. </div>

RaptorSLH

Yes, with money comes influence.  As long as they are willing to pay for at least as many of your family as they're paying for their side, I don't think you have grounds to complain.

Yes, cutting off by tier can be a reasonable compromise to uneven sides.  But I agree that closeness has more to do with relationship than blood.  And while it would be generous of the IL's to pay more for your side of the family, it's not exactly unreasonable for them to say "Our family is so big.  We'll contribute for so big, and the same number on your side."  They have budgets too.  If your parents want to extend beyond what the hosts are willing to pay, they can chip in too.