Advice for an 24 year old arthritic bride?

biancainez

My name is Bianca and I am getting married on July 1st in Palos Verdes, California. I am 24 and I suffer from severe autoimune arthritis. I'd really love some advice from another arthritic bride, or anyone who deals with chronic pain or fibromialgia.

Here's some background.  I was diagnosed with autoimmune arthritis in July of 2010. Until recently it was very well controlled, but as I can no longer take my medications my joints are stiff and weak and I frequently walk with a cane. Not all day, but sometimes I can't make it through an hour standing up and can't walk for more than an hour or two.  Anyway, I'm trying to improve my health by avoiding animal protein and and trying to do more yoga and strength training. I'm desperate to walk with out a cane all day at my wedding and I know i can!!


My question is, would it be a faux-pas to lean on a stool (simply but beautifully decorated of course) during the wedding ceremony?  Maybe cut down the hours of dancing at the reception too?

I'd appreciate your experiences and advice.  Thanks so much for reading my long post!

Fletch9

First off, just let me say that I am very sorry that you have to live each day in pain.
I am 25 and have had Ankylosing Spondylitis for 10 years. I was married in November 2011 and I had the exact same fears and trepidations as you in regard to our wedding.

All I wanted was to walk down the aisle wearing heels (something so simple, right?) and after doing the same types of things as you (meds, exercise, diet, etc) my simple wish came true. I made sure I was in flats the night before at our rehearsal dinner, stretched the morning of the wedding and didn’t put heels on until the last possible moment. The sandles came out during our cocktail hour, but at least I forgot about the AS for a little while as I married the man of my dreams.

We had a church ceremony so did have the opportunity to sit down and have a break from standing which was definitely needed. Even if you are not getting married in a church, could sitting during your ceremony still be a possibility? After all, it is your wedding and you need to be comfortable on your special day. Also, I am sure your husband-to-be, family and friends will not care in the least if you have to sit – as long as you are in the least amount of pain possible.

As for dancing, I knew that it would hurt but it was something I wanted to do on my wedding day. I didn’t dance much (only with my husband and my dad) but I am glad that we didn’t cut down the dancing hours because it was a great thrill to watch our guests enjoy our reception after all the hard work planning.

Just know that you are not the only one out there with autoimmune arthritis even though it often feels like it.
I hope that your wedding is everything you have ever dreamt it would be and good luck planning!

skippylouwho

Just thought I'd mention, most religions (church weddings) do not sit during the ceremony. The most mainstream religion that does is probably Catholic but most other mainstream religions do not.

You asked if you could have a nicely decorated stool to lean on maybe instead if asking if you can you should ask... why couldn't I have a nicely decorated stool to lean on or even to sit on or against.  And there isn't any reason at all. People that are in attendance are your family and friends and they will understand.

RaptorSLH

I'm 28, and I have DJD in my right knee, so I'm in a similar, though less severe situation.  (I can't stand or walk for too long without pain, and when it's really bad I use a cane.)

There's no reason you couldn't have a stool to lean on, or even sit on.   A tall stool would keep you close in height to your groom, and a long gown with a train would help cover the view of the stool.  If you already have a short gown, you could have a skirt or cover made for the stool.

I would bring the cane, in case you need it by the end of the day.  Do you have a pretty one?  I fully support working to go without it, but it would ease my mind to know I can ask a bridesmaid to fetch it from its hiding place if I'm tired at the end of the day.

You can have seated portraits, if you like, with your groom either standing behind you, or seated next to you.  If you want to stand, you can keep the portrait list short, and do some of them before the ceremony (you and the girls/family first, then you rest while your photog shoots the guys.)  Then you just have the shots with the both of you after.

I will not be dancing much (probably wouldn't be even if it weren't for the knee, TBH) but we will still have dancing for the rest of the guests all night.  There'll be lots of non-dancers to chat with, if other weddings I've been to are any indication.  We'll also be spacing out the special songs that I do want to dance to, so I can rest between them and enjoy them more.  I would rather sit and enjoy the company than cut short the celebration.

If you can sell your FI on it (I couldn't,) I don't see anything wrong with a non-traditional reception with other activities than dancing.  If you can think of an activity it would be easy to involve guests in other than dancing, I say go for it.

Hugs and good luck

prettyfacegal

I would have two beautiful stools decoratedfor you and FI to sit. Could yo try practing walking aown the ailse at your venue.

FutureMrsPaulG

I have fibromyagia and athritis fro Crohn's disease.  I've heard from several people that doing a gluten/dairy free diet is helpful for people with auto-immune disorders.  I've not tried it myself, so I can't give an personal feedback.  If you are getting married somewhere other than church (if you are, it doesn't hurt to ask), I don't see why you couldn't have a stool or chair to sit on.  I'd make sure to take it easy in the days leading up to your wedding and have comfortable shoes and your cane close by if you need them.  Sometimes just knowing something is there for backup is enough.  

Have you talked to your doctor about trying any different medications?  It took me 2 years to find a mediciation that works for my Crohn's and even longer to find the right one for my fibromyalgia.  I hope you start to feel better.