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MOB threating to not come to reception if there is alcohol...help?

So I'm not too sure if I'm being crazy or not, so any help would be appreciated :)

 My mother has always been against alcohol, and needless to say was not happy when we told her we were having an open bar. She said she doesn't understand how people need alcohol to have fun, and that we are turning out wedding into a club/bar by having alcohol and a DJ. I talked with her about having some form of it, and she said she would be ok with just serving margaritas would be fine.

 Now three months later FMIL let us know that the caterer is going to have beer as well as the margaritas. I have no problem with this, but when my mother found out she said 'Oh, I guess I won't be going to the reception..." I tried to explain to her no one is going to get wasted, having beer as well is not a huge deal, and it's already payed for and done by FMIL. She proceeded to hand the phone to my Dad who told me she said she couldn't handle talking to me and that he would try to talk to her about it (he thinks she being unreasonable as well). I'm lost on what to do on this!
 
 I want my mother at the wedding, but hate how she it threatening to not show up if I don't do things her way. I would feel horrible asking my FMIL to see if we can cancel having the beer with her having already payed for it with the catering. Plus we are all getting frustrated with the whole alcohol situations. Am I crazy for trying to talk this out with my Mom and wait to see what happens, or do I need to just cancel the alcohol and deal? Thanks for your opinions!
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Re: MOB threating to not come to reception if there is alcohol...help?

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    baconsmombaconsmom member
    5 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited May 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_mom-threating-not-come-reception-there-alcoholhelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:40317272-7891-4a63-95c6-6818e11f9402Post:b99112e1-c9b3-4413-a5c6-28cbefe9697a">MOB threating to not come to reception if there is alcohol...help?</a>:
    [QUOTE]So I'm not too sure if I'm being crazy or not, so any help would be appreciated :)  My mother has always been against alcohol, and needless to say was not happy when we told her we were having an open bar. She said she doesn't understand how people need alcohol to have fun, and that we are turning out wedding into a club/bar by having alcohol and a DJ. I talked with her about having some form of it, and she said she would be ok with just serving margaritas would be fine.  Now three months later FMIL let us know that the caterer is going to have beer as well as the margaritas. I have no problem with this, but when my mother found out she said 'Oh, I guess I won't be going to the reception..." I tried to explain to her no one is going to get wasted, having beer as well is not a huge deal, and it's already payed for and done by FMIL. She proceeded to hand the phone to my Dad who told me she said she couldn't handle talking to me and that he would try to talk to her about it (he thinks she being unreasonable as well). I'm lost on what to do on this!    I want my mother at the wedding, but hate how she it threatening to not show up if I don't do things her way. I would feel horrible asking my FMIL to see if we can cancel having the beer with her having already payed for it with the catering. Plus we are all getting frustrated with the whole alcohol situations. Am I crazy for trying to talk this out with my Mom and wait to see what happens, or do I need to just cancel the alcohol and deal? Thanks for your opinions!
    Posted by Katshia[/QUOTE]

    <div>"Oh, that's too bad, Mom, we'll miss you!"</div><div>
    </div><div>She cannot manipulate you unless you allow it. She can object to any damn thing she wants - YOU don't have to listen to her whine or give in to her demands. If she threatens not to come, tell her you'll miss her, and hang up the phone or leave the room or change the subject. </div><div>
    </div><div>You're an adult, getting married. Grow some ovaries and ignore her. </div>
    image
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    KatshiaKatshia member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_mom-threating-not-come-reception-there-alcoholhelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:40317272-7891-4a63-95c6-6818e11f9402Post:dfff2c5a-89d2-4427-b418-a6e52f7cacf3">Re: MOB threating to not come to reception if there is alcohol...help?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to MOB threating to not come to reception if there is alcohol...help? : "Oh, that's too bad, Mom, we'll miss you!" She cannot manipulate you unless you allow it. She can object to any damn thing she wants - YOU don't have to listen to her whine or give in to her demands. If she threatens not to come, tell her you'll miss her, and hang up the phone or leave the room or change the subject.  You're an adult, getting married. Grow some ovaries and ignore her. 
    Posted by baconsmom[/QUOTE] That's what I've been thinking but didn't know if I was being 'cold hearted' or such. I love her, but I dont like to feel like I'm being manipulated and I would like to plan my wedding how I like to. Thank you!!!
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    Is she paying for the reception?
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    the person paying for the reception makes the call. 

    my parents aren't drinkers (they might have a glass of wine on holidays, but that's it) so when they got married they didn't plan on having alcohol at their wedding. My grandfather knew that some members of his family would like a few drinks, so he offered to pay for the bar. They compromised, and let him buy the booze. 

    I think if your FMIL is paying for the catering, and has generously offered to pay for the open/limited bar, that there's nothing wrong with you accepting. Your mom will just have to deal, or not come at all. 

    "Mom, I'm sorry if you don't want to come to the wedding if people will be drinking, but we will be having an open/limited bar. FMIL is paying for the bar, and it is up to her to decide what is included. If you decide not to come, you will be missed."



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    On the one hand, it sounds to me like she has some serious issues with alcohol that she needs to deal with, especially if they're so severe that they would interfere with her attending her own daughter's wedding.

    On the other, I don't see what's so magical about margaritas that they're exempt from her ban.  That part doesn't make any sense to me.

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    obviously, margaritas can't get you drunk - tequila is practically non-alcoholic. . not like beer. 

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_mom-threating-not-come-reception-there-alcoholhelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:40317272-7891-4a63-95c6-6818e11f9402Post:24bec91e-1e7c-4304-9dbe-f0a2fea4e15a">Re: MOB threating to not come to reception if there is alcohol...help?</a>:
    [QUOTE]obviously, margaritas can't get you drunk - tequila is practically non-alcoholic. . not like beer. 
    Posted by *Barbie*[/QUOTE]

    Good...<em>because I'm drinking one right now!</em>

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    you're going to make slacker work BFF jealous - solitaire doesn't compare to 9am non-drinking
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    Definitely follow Bmom's advice.
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    Has your Mother ever heard the song "Tequila makes her clothes fall off"? I'm guessing not.

    I love margaritas mmmm!

    .
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_mom-threating-not-come-reception-there-alcoholhelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:40317272-7891-4a63-95c6-6818e11f9402Post:caa9f023-1bba-49e7-8c60-704f87525cab">Re: MOB threating to not come to reception if there is alcohol...help?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Is she paying for the reception?
    Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

    <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-undecided.gif" border="0" alt="Undecided" title="Undecided" /> Have you been into the margaritas this morning?
    .
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    I think she is bluffing. 

    If she loves you she will be there regardless of the booze.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_mom-threating-not-come-reception-there-alcoholhelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:40317272-7891-4a63-95c6-6818e11f9402Post:628194a7-e677-42f7-8216-4ee8cd39d405">Re: MOB threating to not come to reception if there is alcohol...help?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOB threating to not come to reception if there is alcohol...help? :  Have you been into the margaritas this morning?
    Posted by awesome-sauce[/QUOTE]

    I wish, lol.  But if she is paying then she gets a big say in what goes down.
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