I broke down and called my doctor Monday morning. I haven't really spoken to anyone about how I've been feeling and what's been going on (which I know essentially made things worse), but I've been feeling the "baby blues" getting worse for a few weeks now. I chalked it all up to hormones and situational stresses (like the job situation, which is mostly resolved without consequence to me, thankfully).
The kids are doing better, Julian's sleeping 5-6 hours at night, and things are back to "normal." However, I'm not really better. I'm snapping at H for the silliest things, and even found myself getting ridiculously aggitated at both kids when they weren't doing what I wanted. Sunday night, Julian wouldn't go back down for almost 2 hours; and I cracked. I woke H up, told him he needed to deal with his son b/c HE's the one who was happy about a second kid. Then I shoved the pacifier in the baby's mouth and put my head in the pillows.
After talking with my OB and answering some questions, he prescribed me Lexapro. I was in the pedi's office with the kids when he called, and he told me to check with her about the meds and BFing. I had a breakdown in her office just talking to her about it, but she was so awesome. She stood there, held the baby, and talked me through the moment (that's why I love her!). She told me about what she went through with PPD with her 2nd child, and commended me for reaching out for help. She also suggested that I talk to a therapist, as that was one of the ways she was able to really limit her time on meds.
I haven't taken the meds yet, because I'm nervous and anxious about what side effects it is going to have on me. I want to wait until H is off of work and can be at home with me to help out. It's also a difficult thing for me to accept, b/c I am not used to feeling this way at all.