Wedding Woes

Type-A MOH driving take-it-easy bride nuts, please help

This is long and I am sorry, but I really need some help!!

I need help trying to deal with my MOH. I love her to death, but her type-A personality is getting in the way of my and my FI’s relaxed-go-with-the flow planning style and giving me serious anxiety. MOH has been a part of many weddings and is a wanna-be planner. Before FI and I got engaged, SHE decided that she would plan MY wedding and that FI had to ask HER for ring advice/go shopping with her and MOH would yell at me when I answered his questions about my ring style. Even bigger, she told me she expected FI to ask her for permission before proposing. FI didn’t ask her, as it would have been a huge insult to my parents, not to mention she never told him to ask her. Long story short, she’s been trying to play puppet master for some time.
 Now that FI and I are engaged and planning our wedding, she’s pushing vendor advice down my throat, texting DURING vendor meetings for details, and jumping the gun on my plans. I keep her posted on what I’m working on, but she still sends e-mails about things that SHE thinks I should like or that SHE thinks I should do/be working on. This is all unsolicited. I’m appreciative that she wants to be helpful, but I can only get 11 e-mails about veils (when she knows I’m using my mom’s) before I lose my cool. When I told her I’m questioning inviting some of her friends, only my acquaintances, that FI doesn’t like, she said, “Well I’m sure he’s inviting people that you don’t like.” MOH and this group have been rowdy and embarrassingly drunk at the last several weddings I went to, and FI and I don’t want that for our wedding.   The thing that finally tipped me over the edge is that MOH actually wrote on my fb that she was sad FI went with to the cake tasting appointment, because she really wanted to go. I’d love to give her the benefit of the doubt, but regardless of whether she was joking or not, she obviously gave no consideration to how FI would feel when he saw it. 1. It was rude. 2. It was disrespectful. 3. MOH was never invited to go in the first place.

I feel like MOH is being passive aggressive because I’m actually planning for my wedding myself. I’ve made it no secret that my mom is my right hand in the planning process and that my surprisingly involved FI obviously gets a big say in what happens. Thing is, when I do ask for advice, she isn’t helpful, either giving cliche answers or saying things that are actually almost mocking my inability to make a choice, which just stresses me out even more.

My question is, how do I tell MOH (nicely) to back off and let FI and I plan OUR wedding OUR way?

Re: Type-A MOH driving take-it-easy bride nuts, please help

  • edited December 2011
    She sounds like a psyho, no offense. Why are you friends with this woman? Why is she your MOH? If this were a made-for-tv movie she would lock you in the trunk of your car the day of the wedding, wear the wedding dress she TOLD YOU TO WEAR and marry your FI.

    You're really past the point that being nice would work. You need to be firm with her.

    MOH, I understand and appreciate your zeal for my marriage, but you're overstepping your boundaries and that is not acceptable. You need to back off.
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  • danieliza1127danieliza1127 member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    It sounds to me like you need to stand up for yourself and stop letting her walk all over you.  This is your wedding, and your FI's, not hers.  Who you invite to the wedding is your decision alone, period. 

    The best thing to do is to stop talking so much about the wedding to her.  Don't run your ideas past her.  If she suggests something, say "oh thanks for the suggestion, we'll have to think about that" and then move on.  You might know for sure you aren't going to take her suggestions, but just tell her you'll give them some thought so she at least thinks you are.  If she keeps pushing even after you stop telling her wedding details, just be blunt and tell her that you've got it covered, thanks anyway.  It might help to actually give her a task to do.  If there's one thing you're okay with her helping on, maybe ask her to do that for you, that way she feels like she's doing something and will leave you alone to do the rest.  Maybe she could research DJs for you, or invitations, or something like that?
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  • edited December 2011
    I agree, you need to say your piece and tell this woman to back off, she obviously is being very possesive your wedding and doesn' t trust you to make your own decisions.  She is the MOH, her opinions are valued but in small doses.  She should give you advice on the subjects you ask her about, not what she would do/not do for her own wedding. 

    11 emails about veils?  Psycho, her job is to stand by you, not plan your wedding and talk smack about you and your fiance, replace her and run away!
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  • Dmatthews450Dmatthews450 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    What a nut. It sounds like she is living vicariously through you: making sure you have the wedding of her dreams
  • duckie1905duckie1905 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    She sounds like a bit of a nut but you sound like a bit of a doormat.  Time to stand up for yourself and your wedding.
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