Wedding Woes
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My MIL is dying

I know, that's sort of a random intro after being off the board and only on FB here and there for a while.  I couldn't figure out why I kept thinking of this place--I think it's because I would always complain about her here and not have to worry about hurting DH's feelings, or having my BFF say "That's nothing compared to my MIL!" or having my mom turn it into a teachable moment about tolerance and turning the other cheek (even though she was the one who got into a FB war with MIL over MILs comments).  Y'all were pretty much just like "WTF?" which was nice, because that was always my reaction.

Her condition deteriorated pretty rapidly last week, sort of accelerating as the week went on:  liver failure, kidney failure, brain swelling.  As of Saturday, she was comatose and more or less brain dead.  She didn't want to be on life support, so they're basically just monitoring her vitals now, and waiting.  SIL says her respiratory rate is getting slower and slower, so it probably will not be long now.

This isn't an AW-ish thing for hugs, T&P, etc.--those who have been here awhile know that our relationship was difficult, and we weren't close.  If you do T&P's or whatever, please send them DH's way, as he is having a very hard time with all of it:  first the seriousness of the diagnosis and knowing that it would probably eventually take her life; then struggling with his lifelong denial that she was an alcoholic vs. the cirrhosis diagnosis, and his anger about the situation; and now the fact that her condition has gotten so grave so much faster than the family expected.  As I said, I'm not even sure why I decided to return just to announce this, except that this really was sort of my MIL release valve, and it's somehow tied up with her in my mind.

Re: My MIL is dying

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    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry to hear this....I hope your H has all the support he needs to get through this. Rough stuff, this death crap. ((hugs))
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    ~~Busy.~~~~Busy.~~ member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We are your venting capital. No need to explain yourself.
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    zsazsa-stlzsazsa-stl member
    First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Ditto Busy.

    No matter how complicated the relationship, a loss is still a loss.  I'm sorry to hear this. ((hugs))
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    I just a friendly gal looking for options.

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    GBCKGBCK member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry.
    Even complicated relationships leave us room for grief.  And more complicated grief at that.
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    DG1DG1 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Agreed. And handling/supporting a grieving spouse is no picnic, so vibes for you, too.

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    edited December 2011
    Ditto, on everyone else. So sorry to hear about your MIL, but I'm sure your husband appreciates you being there for him during this time.
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    TheDuckisTheDuckis member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry you and your H are going through this. I'll keep you both in my thoughts.
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    *Barbie**Barbie* member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry for your H. I'm sure it is difficult for him and his family - and hard on you by extension.
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    mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm terribly sorry for you and your DH.  T+P's for you, him, and his family.
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    MNNEBrideMNNEBride member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited December 2011
    So sorry.  T & Ps for you, him and his family.  It's always tough and a complicated relationship adds to that.
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    nicoleg1982nicoleg1982 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto everyone.  ::hugs::
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    HeffalumpHeffalump member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Thanks, everyone.  I really appreciate it. 

    In retrospect, I think a lot of the behavior I complained about on here was driven by her alcoholism and/or the earlier stages of her cirrhosis:  some of the early symptoms are "depression, mood changes, especially anger and irritability, poor concentration and 'foggy brain.'" 

    The Woozle and I had a talk this morning about Nana not getting better.  I felt bad, because she understood that "Daddy is sad because Nana is very sick," but then she decided "When Nana feels better Daddy will be happy."  So I was trying to help her understand that Nana's sickness isn't like when Mommy or Daddy or Woozle get sick, it's a different kind of sick that Nana won't get better from.  I was really afraid of scaring the crap out of her, but she seemed pretty accepting.

    DH is currently stuck on the fact that they begged her to go to the doctor when the first symptoms started showing up--weird bruising, nausea and vomiting, that sort of thing--but she stubbornly refused.  He's playing "what if" and it's hard. 
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    edited December 2011
    Heff - I BEGGED my mom to get a colonoscopy. BEGGED. And she finally did. Then BAM! Stage 4 pancreatic cancer.

    Even if MIL had gone, 1) There is no guarantee that she would be different today and 2) She is the only person who can control if she goes to the doctor or not. Ugh...I just don't want Mr. Heff beating himself up. This is a crappy thing to have to make peace with.
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    6fsn6fsn member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry for all of you. You may not grieve her, but like others said you are supporting your husband and you are having to explain to your child.  T&P for all.
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