Am I the only one who feels this way?

Jillian1104

Hi fellow brides,

I hope that someone else has experienced this, so that I dont find out I'm insane. 

My wedding is in less than 3 months (90 days today, actually) and I am feeling like there are few people around me that actually care. My fiance isnt a problem, at all. He's just as excited as I am. And my MOH and one bridesmaid are very helpful and happy. But, I can not think of one other person that truly sounds like they are happy to share my joy.

My MIL and FIL seem to be only concerned about the money.  Yes, they are paying for about 1/2 of our wedding, and should rightfully be concerned about budget. But I feel like I'm walking on eggshells every time I'm around them, anytime I bring up the wedding. Shouldn't they be happier their only son is getting married?

My mom and stepdad just sold their house and are moving out of state. And while, I am totally understanding that this is something they've been trying to do for a while, they make me feel like my wedding and associated events (shower, bachelorette, etc) are just inconviences to them.

My dad doesnt even usually ask about it. And when he does, he listens for about 2 seconds, and then changes the subject. 

And then there's my sister. She complains about the money for one thing. I totally get it, but you wanted to be a bridesmaid, dont complain every single time you have to pay for something.  I've done everything I can to keep the costs down for them, but as a bridesmaid, there are some things you just pay for. Sorry.  If you can't afford it, don't be a bridesmaid.

I haven't even heard from my SIL, also a BM, in almost 2 months. She's having health issues, yes, but I relieved her of her duties as BM, and she refused. I think there'd be time to just send a quick hi, or something. Maybe that's just me.

So, am I the only one that's experienced this?  And, it's not like I'm one of those people that only talk about my wedding. Yes, I talk about it (I mean, it's my wedding), but I actually try to actively NOT talk about it. So what gives?  

It's my wedding-- the happiest day of my life-- and honestly, I just can't wait to get it over with because people are just causing me more stress than I can handle.

ZombieNates

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_am-i-the-only-one-who-feels-this-way?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:43438119-9ab0-4de2-8863-b772f1456b4ePost:5e6e109e-1eb3-4bf7-990b-ea7d8500cd2f">Am I the only one who feels this way?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi fellow brides, I hope that someone else has experienced this, so that I dont find out I'm insane.  My wedding is in less than 3 months (90 days today, actually) and I am feeling like there are few people around me that actually care . My fiance isnt a problem, at all. He's just as excited as I am. And my MOH and one bridesmaid are very helpful and happy. But, I can not think of one other person that truly sounds like they are happy to share my joy. My MIL and FIL seem to be only concerned about the money.  Yes, they are paying for about 1/2 of our wedding, and should rightfully be concerned about budget. But I feel like I'm walking on eggshells every time I'm around them, anytime I bring up the wedding. Shouldn't they be happier their only son is getting married? My mom and stepdad just sold their house and are moving out of state. And while, I am totally understanding that this is something they've been trying to do for a while, they make me feel like my wedding and associated events (shower, bachelorette, etc) are just inconviences to them. My dad doesnt even usually ask about it. And when he does, he listens for about 2 seconds, and then changes the subject.  And then there's my sister. She complains about the money for one thing. I totally get it, but you wanted to be a bridesmaid, dont complain every single time you have to pay for something.  I've done everything I can to keep the costs down for them, but as a bridesmaid, there are some things you just pay for. Sorry.  If you can't afford it, don't be a bridesmaid. I haven't even heard from my SIL, also a BM, in almost 2 months. She's having health issues, yes, but I relieved her of her duties as BM, and she refused. I think there'd be time to just send a quick hi, or something. Maybe that's just me. So, am I the only one that's experienced this?  And, it's not like I'm one of those people that only talk about my wedding. Yes, I talk about it (I mean, it's my wedding), but I actually try to actively NOT talk about it. So what gives?   It's my wedding-- the happiest day of my life-- and honestly, I just can't wait to get it over with because people are just causing me more stress than I can handle.
Posted by Jillian1104[/QUOTE]
The only person who might care as much about your wedding as you do is your FI. You still have three months to go. To you, that seems like a short time. To everyone else, it's an entire three months of their lives--they have other events, etc to worry about and anticipate.

As far as the parents--yours are probably extremely busy with their move and all. Your wedding is probably not their top priority right now, and rightfully so. I'm sure they're still excited for you.

I don't think my father asked about my wedding more than once or twice--and he really only wanted a pat "Everything's going really well, Dad!" He was still thrilled to celebrate with me on the day and had a wonderful time. His disinterest in the planning did not mean he didn't care about the wedding and my marriage.

I don't know what your sister is on about or what all you're asking her to pay for, but constantly complaining about costs would get on my nerves. As long as you're not asking for anything ridiculous and you took budget into mind, I can't understand her problem.

The real bone I'd pick with your attitude is about your SIL. You say she has health issues, then go on to say that you "relieved her" of her "duties" and that you're mad she doesn't ever call to say hi. Are you calling her? Are you caring about the fact that she's ill? From your post, it sounds like you're so centered around your wedding that you're not being a good friend or caring person at all.

Bottom line--you're interested in each step of the planning and picturing how all the details will come together--most everyone else is not. Enjoy your planning with FI and let everyone else enjoy the wedding itself.

peachiejean

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_am-i-the-only-one-who-feels-this-way?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:43438119-9ab0-4de2-8863-b772f1456b4ePost:5e6e109e-1eb3-4bf7-990b-ea7d8500cd2f">Am I the only one who feels this way?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi fellow brides, I hope that someone else has experienced this, so that I dont find out I'm insane.  My wedding is in less than 3 months (90 days today, actually) and I am feeling like there are few people around me that actually care . My fiance isnt a problem, at all. He's just as excited as I am. And my MOH and one bridesmaid are very helpful and happy. But, I can not think of one other person that truly sounds like they are happy to share my joy. My MIL and FIL seem to be only concerned about the money.  Yes, they are paying for about 1/2 of our wedding, and should rightfully be concerned about budget. But I feel like I'm walking on eggshells every time I'm around them, anytime I bring up the wedding. Shouldn't they be happier their only son is getting married? My mom and stepdad just sold their house and are moving out of state. And while, I am totally understanding that this is something they've been trying to do for a while, they make me feel like my wedding and associated events (shower, bachelorette, etc) are just inconviences to them. My dad doesnt even usually ask about it. And when he does, he listens for about 2 seconds, and then changes the subject.  And then there's my sister. She complains about the money for one thing. I totally get it, but you wanted to be a bridesmaid, dont complain every single time you have to pay for something.  I've done everything I can to keep the costs down for them, but as a bridesmaid, there are some things you just pay for. Sorry.  If you can't afford it, don't be a bridesmaid. I haven't even heard from my SIL, also a BM, in almost 2 months. She's having health issues, yes, but I relieved her of her duties as BM, and she refused. I think there'd be time to just send a quick hi, or something. Maybe that's just me. So, am I the only one that's experienced this?  And, it's not like I'm one of those people that only talk about my wedding. Yes, I talk about it (I mean, it's my wedding), but I actually try to actively NOT talk about it. So what gives?   It's my wedding-- the happiest day of my life-- and honestly, I just can't wait to get it over with because people are just causing me more stress than I can handle.
Posted by Jillian1104[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div><p class="MsoNormal">This is a joke. It has to be.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">If for the chance that this is not totally made up crazy drama and if you are really banking on your wedding day being ---the happiest day of your life---- then you are looking at a VERY miserable rest of your life. For the individuals that you mentioned above (who all seem to have perfectly good reasons to not obsess over YOUR wedding day) god bless them for even being around as much as they have been. You right away describe how you do have supportive people behind you for this wedding and then go one to nit-pick those who are not making a big enough deal about it. Seriously….this is a joke.  </p></div>

EK2013

<div>I'm going to assume that your post is in earnest.</div><div>
</div>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_am-i-the-only-one-who-feels-this-way?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:43438119-9ab0-4de2-8863-b772f1456b4ePost:5e6e109e-1eb3-4bf7-990b-ea7d8500cd2f">Am I the only one who feels this way?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi fellow brides, I hope that someone else has experienced this, so that I dont find out I'm insane.  My wedding is in less than 3 months (90 days today, actually) and I am feeling like there are few people around me that actually care . My fiance isnt a problem, at all. He's just as excited as I am. And my MOH and one bridesmaid are very helpful and happy. But, I can not think of one other person that truly sounds like they are happy to share my joy. My MIL and FIL seem to be only concerned about the money.  Yes, they are paying for about 1/2 of our wedding, and should rightfully be concerned about budget. But I feel like I'm walking on eggshells every time I'm around them, anytime I bring up the wedding. Shouldn't they be happier their only son is getting married? [/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>If they're stressed about the money now, they'll be less stressed once you and your FI have committed to all of your major vendors or, if you're at that point now, when you're done buying all the little things you need at 3 months out. That is, unless you're actually heading over their budget, in which case you'd need to talk to them about what they're comfortable paying.</div><div>
<div>[QUOTE] My mom and stepdad just sold their house and are moving out of state. And while, I am totally understanding that this is something they've been trying to do for a while, they make me feel like my wedding and associated events (shower, bachelorette, etc) are just inconviences to them. My dad doesnt even usually ask about it. And when he does, he listens for about 2 seconds, and then changes the subject. [/QUOTE]</div><div>
</div><div>So they have a major life change in their absolute immediate future. If things like your shower and bachelorette involve them, I hope that your hosts take their comfort into consideration.</div><div>
</div><div>[QUOTE] And then there's my sister. She complains about the money for one thing. I totally get it, but you wanted to be a bridesmaid, dont complain every single time you have to pay for something.  I've done everything I can to keep the costs down for them, but as a bridesmaid, there are some things you just pay for. Sorry.  If you can't afford it, don't be a bridesmaid. [/QUOTE]</div><div>
</div><div>Bridesmaids are only responsible for a dress, and <em>brides </em>are responsible to ask their bridesmaids for their price range before dress shopping. (Full disclosure: I didn't ask mine for a specific price range, but I did ask them to browse around online; the designers they were choosing gave me a sense of what they expected. If I could do it over, I'd be more direct with those conversations.)</div><div>
</div><div>[QUOTE] I haven't even heard from my SIL, also a BM, in almost 2 months. She's having health issues, yes, but<strong> I relieved her of her duties as BM, and she refused</strong>. I think there'd be time to just send a quick hi, or something. Maybe that's just me. [/QUOTE]</div><div>
</div><div>What do you mean by "relieved her of her duties"? Do you mean that you told her she was relieved of being a bridesmaid? That she was relieved of buying a dress? She doesn't have any other duties as a bridesmaid except for those she sets herself.</div><div>
</div><div>[QUOTE] So, am I the only one that's experienced this?  And, it's not like I'm one of those people that only talk about my wedding. Yes, I talk about it (I mean, it's my wedding), but I actually try to actively NOT talk about it. So what gives?   It's my wedding-- the happiest day of my life-- and honestly, I just can't wait to get it over with because people are just causing me more stress than I can handle.
Posted by Jillian1104[/QUOTE]

</div></div><div>People's excitement for my wedding started gearing up at about a month out; you'll probably experience something similar. Experiment with reframing these things you're presenting as negatives as positives: Your sister and your sister-in-law both really want to stand up for you at your wedding. Your mother and stepfather are finally realizing their hope of moving! Your future MIL and FIL are paying for half of your wedding.</div><div>
</div><div>This doesn't mean you're not going to hit stressful snags, but some of these seem easily solvable: Be patient with your family, don't spring any new expenses on your sister, and let them get excited at their own rates.</div>

Heffalump

I'm sorry, but you come off as really self-absorbed.  People's lives don't automatically go on hold because you're getting married.  And to read your post, it's not that they're not happy for you, it's that they're not happy enough.

Sunshine811

I will provide you with some support, and tell you that I am also in the position you are. Although I understand what PP are saying regarding major life events and no one being as excited about your wedding as you are, I understand where you are coming from that it is dissapointing that no one seems excited. I also have partents that are workign full time and redoing the outside of their house, 2 MOH who are my sisters, one who lives over 10 hours away so can't help, and one who just had her 4th child in 7 years (obviously very busy), and 2 BM who are friends that one works a totally different shift than me and the other just broke up with her baby daddy and is in the midst of life crisis which I am helping her get through. I have felt like no one really cares about my wedding, and it makes me sad not because I want them to "help" but because I thought this would be an exciting oppurtunity for us all to get together.

Overall, the wedding planning process is not what I expected. A few things that I can tell you to help. Number 1, you have a right to feel sad that these people are not doing what you anticipated, but you do NOT have a right to say something to them or make them feel bad. Its hard to do, I know, as I've struggled and wanted to yell "HELP ME" several times. But, the bottom line is, it is not their responsibility to be a part of your day. Even as  BM, the job is to buy the dress and show up for the ceremony. Second, I've found that I ahve some unexpected people that want to help me, and I have taken them up on that. For example, I have a cousin that I have never been close to that has begged me to tell her when I need help, and I finally took her up on it. It was fun to get closer to her, and I got some help! Don't be afraid to include people that do have the time to help you. Third, try to stay upbeat about it; I got so down in the dumps for a while that I wanted to call off the wedding. Not because I didn't love my FI or want to get married, I just felt like elopement would have been the better if no one was going to help me. My Fi put in perspective for me by reminding me why we choose the big fancy wedding (we want our family there ON the day, thats whats important, before is nothing compared to their involvement ON). Since then, I've tried to just stay positive. I use my month board as an outlet. The only real place I feel i find support on these message boards, because personally I think most of the girls here are wedding snobs and bullies who get their kicks out of being mean to unsuspecting brides. Find some place where you can get support, keep a smile on your face, and look at all the great things you will have when you are finally married.

Good luck!