Ok. What is passion?

baconsmom

No. I'm trying to really examine it, too, but - no. Obviously at this point there's the experience of parenting together and other shared experiences that are peculiar to us, but there really isn't anything "extra". There's a friendship and the committment of being married, and obviously I find him attractive (but that's true of any number of men; there's no specific attraction to him.). 

Like I said, it's a boring marriage. I like it. 

(Also, I'm off to buy birthday presents. I'll be back later; I'm not running off in a huff or something.)

Butter Cookie

Huh. H and I still have the mind blowing, I-need-you-now, fight-for-dominance kind of sex. It's not the only sex we have, but we certainly have it. Maybe because we've only been together 4 1/2 years (or so?)

ReturnOfKuus

*sad face*

mrsconn23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_ok-passion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:4d16fb7b-b6e7-49f9-88aa-6b0e47f50f10Post:9ab24b32-aa32-405c-828b-9de77c2d2ceb">Re: Ok. What is passion?</a>:
[QUOTE]Huh. H and I still have the mind blowing, I-need-you-now, fight-for-dominance kind of sex. It's not the only sex we have, but we certainly have it. Maybe because we've only been together 4 1/2 years (or so?)
Posted by Butter Cookie[/QUOTE]

Same here.  If it's really awesome sex, we'll roll off each other and talk about how great it was.  If it's out of this world, I may send him a dirty text about it the next day.

We've been together for over 7 years.

ReturnOfKuus

Okay, we hardly ever have the intense hot sex these days (but of course, we're going on 12 years together, so maybe this is normal?).  We almost did a few months ago, but then there was some fumbling and some falling over, and it ended up being our usual warm and loving sex.

Man, I miss the hot sex.

NOLABridesmaid

2 pages

<pats self on back />

mrsconn23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_ok-passion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:4d16fb7b-b6e7-49f9-88aa-6b0e47f50f10Post:ad718246-3d26-4a9a-8abb-6cd19ddc26e0">Re: Ok. What is passion?</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, we hardly ever have the intense hot sex these days (but of course, we're going on 12 years together, so maybe this is normal?).  We almost did a few months ago, but then there was some fumbling and some falling over, and it ended up being our usual warm and loving sex. Man, I miss the hot sex.
Posted by ReturnOfKuus[/QUOTE]


Well, maybe it's time to change it up from stingrays to some other marine animal.  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />

TheDuckis

Come on, Baconsmom. The sex is the something extra. He's not just your best friend because you don't sleep with people who are just friends. If there was no passion there would be no sex, or if there was it would certainly not be enjoyable.

ReturnOfKuus

Well, it might be. 

nicoleg1982

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_ok-passion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:4d16fb7b-b6e7-49f9-88aa-6b0e47f50f10Post:ad718246-3d26-4a9a-8abb-6cd19ddc26e0">Re: Ok. What is passion?</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, we hardly ever have the intense hot sex these days (but of course, we're going on 12 years together, so maybe this is normal?).  We almost did a few months ago, but then there was some fumbling and some falling over, and it ended up being our usual warm and loving sex. Man, I miss the hot sex.
Posted by ReturnOfKuus[/QUOTE]

<div>Insert a bottle or two of wine into that occasion and the fumbling will be long forgotten, and the passion appropriately fueled.  God, I totally miss drunken sex.  </div><div>
</div><div>Passion is physical, sexual attraction - raw, animal or loving/caring; it's fiercely supporting the well being/successes of my partner and defending them in times of trouble; knowing *I* was genuinely missed, and feeling the same way in return; and generally being wowed by them on a regular basis.  Passion, no matter the catalyst, for me, is the swept-off-your-feet feeling. </div><div>
</div><div>Love is the every day junk everyone else said.  It's folding his underwear in half, not in quarters; it's leaving the last of the pineapple; it's bringing home a Dr. Pepper when I know he'll be up late working, etc.</div>

baconsmom

We have good sex. I'm not sure why our failing to have some crazy "indefinable" whatever-it-is = no sex. 

Also, I'm not sad about this. Neither is H. We discussed this over birthday presents. We both feel like passion=drama, and we're both perfectly happy to be as we are. We both feel like there are probably plenty of people in the world with whom we'd be perfectly content; we happened to find each other. 

We're also both very practical people whose worst life decisions have been made on the basis of feelings, and who have more than a passing acquaintance with mental illness and the unreliability of emotions. We're both security-seekers who like routines and intensely dislike surprises. For us, it's more important to have a reliable friend at home than it is to have someone who gives us "butterflies" or has something "indefinable". 

<shrugs> It's not for everyone. But it's for us. 

baconsmom

Duckis, I thought sex was the "something extra", but that's not what Kuus was saying. 

And frankly, I do think I could have good sex with any number of people. Probably not at the same time, though.  

ReturnOfKuus

So he's not feeling the passion either?

*extra sad face*

I know this is none of my business, but no exes for you either makes me think that you've never experienced a grand, requited passion. 

TheDuckis

Kuus, I just don't think Bmom recognizes the passion she has. I love my sister, and I get excited when I get to see her, but I don't get all tail-waggy about her. That's why I consider that feeling passion, which is over and above love.

baconsmom

No, I don't get tail-waggy about my husband, either. He comes home at the end of the day and I'm like, oh, he's home. We can watch our DVR'd shows now. 

I don't know why this is sad. I'm quite looking forward to 50 years of steady contentment and joy in my family. I don't see why that's something to be depressed about. We feel like we're supremely well-suited and enjoy each other. I didn't know I was supposed to be looking for anything more. That seems to me to be a dream life.