Letter Writting Woes, Help!

Kellykins12

To make a long story short: I am not inviting one of my cousins to my wedding. We are not close, the only contact I have with her is maybe twice a year when events are held at her sister's house. She is an alcoholic and at another cousin's wedding she started a brawl for the bouquet, she also threw my aunt into the dessert table. I'm sad to hurt her feelings but I do NOT want someone I have no friendship with ruining my day.

She has started asking her sister where her wedding invitation is at (we're only sending them out next week). I'm going to write her a letter, so that she doesn't wait fuming by her mailbox (I don't live in the same town to do so in person). I need some help with the wording, I know there's no way there won't be hard feelings, but I'd like to be as gentle as possible.

Thanks!

2012FutureMrsB

I don't think there's anyway possible to tell a person they're NOT invited to your wedding. If you do this, there will def be hard feelings, just as there will be whenever she finds out that she isn't invited. I wouldn't bother with a letter, just let her figure it out. If you see her in person, then maybe a face-to-face conversation might help, but otherwise, there is no good way to break the news, so I wouldn't write a letter.

willywally5

I also would not recommend the letter. She will figure it out. If she asks about it at some point, tell her. 

I'm guessing it's not news to her that she has some habits that some people don't find acceptable in certain social situations. Probably quite another thing if she acknowledges it, but whatever. You can't expect to brawl and toss people into the dessert table and be invited to the next family event. 

ElleB87

definitely don't write a letter. Tell her immediate family that if she raises concerns about her invitation she needs to contact you directly and you can explain that you couldn't accomodate her (and I wouldn't say "I'm not inviting you because you're a raging alcoholic", say something like "due to budget/space/whatever we can't include every family member or friend so we're keeping our guest list small".  Rinse and repeat if she badgers you about coming.)

TKzilla

I'm actually having a similar problem with a cousin who has a drug problem and steals from family members - like our elderly Nana! He will not be invited to our wedding because (a) it would greatly upset other family members (like Nana), (b) he's kind of a douchebag anyway and (c) he would very likely try to steal wedding cash.

I agree with what others said. Writing a letter isn't really going to help the situation, she will likely still be very angry. You could like and say the venue just wouldn't allow but so many people and you had to make some tough decisions. Cite the fact that the two of you aren't close. If she gets angry... well let her. I might also recommend a contingency plan in case someone lets slip the venue location and she shows up anyway. Whatever happens, it shouldn't be YOUR job to kick her out, if that's what you decide.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I hope everything works out in the end.