can I just say how bizarre it is

DG1

to watch myself progress, textbook-like, through the stages of grief? 

I am hella jealous of those of you who seem to have made it all the way to "acceptance" already.

alikatt17

I have to say that I'm still stuck on the depression stage.  I had such a pounding headache this morning, I decided to stay home and hang out with you guys. 

jojobrn

I can't say I am quite to acceptance, but I feel myself moving that direction. I just feel so tired right now, mentally, emotionally, physically.

imoan

Ali- I had the same thing happen to me.  TT texted me right before I was going to go to bed on Saturday night with the news.  I ended up with a POUNDING headache and couldn't sleep.

Cant_wait!

I think I'm still in denial. It's really hard to believe that she's gone.

VarunaTT

Well, there's not a lot to be done about it.  I can rage, flail, scream, and mourn all I like, but life is going to march on, with or without my acceptance.

And to me, acceptance doesn't mean, Oh, it's okay.  It's farking NOT okay.  It means I've accepted all of my feelings, my hurt, and my peace with it.  I'll never understand it, but it's not like understanding in an achievable goal at this point.

But I also always remember, God, grant me the serenity, to accept the things I cannot change.  Whether I agree with the religious part or not, it's still a good motto to live by.  B/c the other option is becoming insane over time and I'm not willing to walk that path.

LnR70707

I'm still sort of in the denial phase.  I think it is easier because she was an e-friend to not fully feel like she is gone.  All I have to do is read the goatmass post and it is like she's still here.   I think Wednesday will really hit hard.

MrsMyrtle

I think Wednesday will be brutal. Especially when we hear the details from those who will be attending. 

ilovewhoseweddingisitanyway

I've had a horrible headache all day. Yesterday, for some reason, was a lot different than today. Today was HARD. I think it was being back on WW (mostly lurking from phone, b/c work only allows access at lunch), but I was fighting tears all day.

Tonight on my way home, I lost it in the car. I came home and Spike ran down the stairs to me (Ryan was in the middle of letting them out to potty, and he was out first(, and I felt so much better, my spirits lifted for the first time all day. Then I went in and talked to Ryan for awhlie, and lost it, again.

I keep bouncing between phases, though I think I'm still too much in denial, as it still doesn't feel quite real, though today has made it start to. And thank goodness for you guys, b/c other than Ryan being there for me, though he doesn't understand completely, I feel really weird with my IRL friends, talking about mourning someone I hadn't met, but felt so connected to.

I'm a damn mess.

NOLABridesmaid

I'm going dark on Wed. I know I'm not going to be able to be on the board that day.

Butter Cookie

Yesterday was awful for me. I literally found out as friends were knocking on the door. H wasn't here and someone I didn't know well enough to cry in front of was, so I held it in.

Yesterday though, while I was alone, I wallowed in anger, and sadness, and crying over and over again.

Today I got to see what an incredible impact she has had on so many lives and know that all the things I've been thinking are what other people are thinking too, that it's too soon, and it isn't fair. So today was better, because I had you guys to talk to.

So I'm with V. It's not okay. It will never be okay, but what can I do? I have made the decision that I want to be a little more like Ww, I'll stop being scared to move forward. I have decided to take an honest-to-god writing class and start following what I'm passionate about.