I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!!!

ashlya1

Ok, I have 202 people invited to the wedding.  We only initially had planned on 150.  We have not sent out invitations yet (wedding is in September), so I don't know who all is going to show.  Out of the 202 people invited, 127 are my FI side.  His parents continue to invite people..  So, yesterday my FI dad calls and tells him we need to invite 2 more people because his brother (best man) invited them to the bachelor's party.  They are not even chipping in at all towards the wedding except for the rehearsal dinner (which only 20 people are invited to).  I am very grateful for that, but  on the other hand I think they are being very inconsiderate to my parents and us.  My FI doesn't even know like 30 of the people invited.  Anyway, my question is should I invite the 2 people invited to the bachelor's party that my FI and I don't know?  I don't think so, but it would be nice to get your oppinion.  Thanks!

MeaganR12

I think that's messed up. But you have to think about how it will affect your relationship with your future in-laws.

If you think they would be ok with hearing they can't invite these 2 or just mediocrely upset than I would have your FI say tell them, "I'm sorry but we don't really feel comfortable inviting people we don't know."

If you think they'll be REALLY upset, than I would probably just suck it up and agree to do it.

manoa88

I think you need to take a deep breath.

Next, talk to your FI and ask the hard questions: are these people he wants, needs and does a 200+ person guest list fit into your budget? If you two are paying this is between you both. If your budget/wants and the in-laws don't align--you and the FI need to have a reasonable, calm conversaton and express your concerns.

My FI and I had a similar situation with his 'rents--his dad was photocopying STDs and e-mailing them without my knowledge. He wasn't happy when I told him he had to stop and the list was full. They're paying so we didn't have as much say.

jazzyrad

not sure if you thoght of this already, but maybe you should make a B-List.  Tell the in-laws that you dont have the space for additional people and based on your returned RSVP's will determine if you can invite the extra guest.

mrshellem2012

I say no, infact maybe look over your list before sending the invitations and decide if you really want everyone on it. Let alone do either one of you know everyone on it?
 I think that would be respectful not only for the two of you, but your parents who are footin the bill!!! Good luck : )

mrshellem2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_cant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:5bb4fd31-ea11-4d4e-83ee-b4633e548fd6Post:e5aef959-f7af-4d3f-a1ff-25ac6e4de2e5">Re: I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]not sure if you thoght of this already, but maybe you should make a B-List.  Tell the in-laws that you dont have the space for additional people and based on your returned RSVP's will determine if you can invite the extra guest.
Posted by jazzyrad[/QUOTE]

This is a great idea too...should have thought about this lol

MinM

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_cant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:5bb4fd31-ea11-4d4e-83ee-b4633e548fd6Post:d7892572-9a74-4faa-b9c9-6d3fdba1e4b1">I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, I have 202 people invited to the wedding.  We only initially had planned on 150. <strong> We have not sent out invitations yet</strong> (wedding is in September), so I don't know who all is going to show.  Out of the 202 people invited, 127 are my FI side.  His parents continue to invite people..  So, yesterday my FI dad calls and tells him we need to invite 2 more people because his brother (best man) invited them to the bachelor's party.  They are not even chipping in at all towards the wedding except for the rehearsal dinner (which only 20 people are invited to).  I am very grateful for that, but  on the other hand I think they are being very inconsiderate to my parents and us.  My FI doesn't even know like 30 of the people invited.  Anyway, my question is should I invite the 2 people invited to the bachelor's party that my FI and I don't know?  I don't think so, but it would be nice to get your oppinion.  Thanks!
Posted by ashlya1[/QUOTE]

Technically, you have not invited anyone to the wedding. Unless you sent out STDs.

SilverLining1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_cant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:5bb4fd31-ea11-4d4e-83ee-b4633e548fd6Post:e5aef959-f7af-4d3f-a1ff-25ac6e4de2e5">Re: I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]not sure if you thoght of this already, but maybe you should make a B-List.  Tell the in-laws that you dont have the space for additional people and based on your returned RSVP's will determine if you can invite the extra guest.
Posted by jazzyrad[/QUOTE]

<div>B-Lists are rude, and no one should do them. They make guests feel second-rate and they make you look gift grabby.</div><div>
</div><div>OP, based on your budget and venue constraints, you and your FI need to decide how many guests your FIL's can invite. If STD's were sent, all of those people must be invited. Technically, anyone invited to the pre-wedding parties should be invited to the wedding. Since it's your FBIL doing the inviting, you should talk to him about this. </div>

mrshellem2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_cant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:5bb4fd31-ea11-4d4e-83ee-b4633e548fd6Post:4a4003e5-69a9-4061-9ec3-b20789b722ea">Re: I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!!! : B-Lists are rude, and no one should do them. They make guests feel second-rate and they make you look gift grabby. OP, based on your budget and venue constraints, you and your FI need to decide how many guests your FIL's can invite. If STD's were sent, all of those people must be invited. Technically, anyone invited to the pre-wedding parties should be invited to the wedding. Since it's your FBIL doing the inviting, you should talk to him about this. 
Posted by SilverLining1[/QUOTE]

They are only rude if you tell people about it. Not everyone does a b list for gifts. Example, someones budget is so tight they can only invite immediate family first no friends, than some family members cannot make it, now there are openings for friends B List. IMO it's not rude at all.