Wedding Woes

FMIL is not happy with our guest list and wants to invite her friends

I am recently engaged and my FI prepared our guest list with 88 people on it.  Its just a little larger than the size we wanted for our wedding (70), but we are happy with the list.  We are both in our early 30's and my parents are still paying for the reception.  We each have the 20 family members, which includes Parents, Siblings, Aunts and Uncles, Granparents on my side (he has none living), honorary Aunts on his side (his moms best friends and his god parents), and his 2 cousins.  I have 12 cousins and so did not invite any and he did not include the children of his "honorary aunts".  Then we included friends we have as a couple, and each of us got 6 personal friends that weren't shared.  Neither of us wanted a big wedding and we both are happy with the 90 or so people.  Im inviting my boss and one friend from work, even though Ive been there 11 years and have many others that Im close to, mostly because we cannot afford and do not want a 150 person wedding.  We did not give either set of parents "friends" to invite. My parents are fine with that, as they said, we are adults and this is our wedding.  My FMIL is not happy.  She wants us to add the children of my FI's honorary Aunt (which then makes me feel badly for not havign even my cousins), as well as her best friend who my FI has met one time, the woman who we pay to watch our cat when we go out of town because his mom considers her a friend of the family, and a couple of their friends who my FI and I have never met (his parents live out of state).  I really dont want strangers at our wedding, especially when we carefully cut people to keep the price and size what we wanted/needed.  She is emailing and calling me at work, then caling my FI directly pitching him as to why we should have those people.  Am I crazy or is this out of line?

Re: FMIL is not happy with our guest list and wants to invite her friends

  • Well technically since your parents are paying, and it's your wedding, I would say she has no right to invite extra people. I understand where your coming from, as my FMIL wants to know how many people she is allowed to invite as well. I don't want people that my FI and I don't know and we have also agreed to have a small wedding. We basically just told her, it's our wedding and we will make the guest list.
  • Tell her that guests don't get their own guest lists to someone else's wedding.  I had to do this with my parents and ILs, too.
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  • Has your FI just flat out told her this is a closed topic and won't be discussed?
  • I think ReturnofKuus is spot-on with this. It's YOUR wedding, not your FMIL's chance to socialize with her friends, particularly when you haven't even met them. If you want to keep your celebration small, intimate, and affordable, she should respect that. After all, she's there to support you and her son, right?
  • Thanks ladies.  We told her we were going to call her together, so she called my FI instead directly to make her pitch.  However, my FI held his ground, at least more than she was used to from him I'm sure.  We were still supposed to have a 3 person conference call to discuss it when we randomly got a text message from her saying "nevermind the list is fine and we will get her the addresses she needs".  So after not speaking to me for a day or so she seems back on board, our number is our number, and the groom and I are happy  :)

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