Parentzillas!!

MyWedding13

So I have been engaged for only 3 months and every conversation that my parents and I have about the wedding has been full of shouting and tears and arguements. They are calling me a "bridezilla" because my finace want to get married in the church that we go to together (which is in downtown Chicago) and I would like to pick out my own dress. They are psychotically trying to control everything. They are saying that its nice that I have these ideas but that isn't how its going to be. My dad even went as far as to tell me that they were going to be IN CHARGE OF PICKING OUT MY DRESS!!! They want us to get married in the church that they go to, which I went to when I was little, but I never liked it and as soon as I was out of their house I went to a different church. They want to pay for the wedding but have a very small and unrealistic budget. My finance and I want to pay for everything so that we can have some input, afterall it is our wedding. Any advice on how to deal with them? I feel like they don't understand that this wedding is ours and they already had theirs.

hmonkey

stop telling them about the wedding.  send them an invite and wait for their rsvp.  mark down chicken or beef.  make them a favor and place card.  sit them with their friends (if they have any and you are inviting them).

you don't need to "make them understand."  they don't want to understand; they want you to do what they want.

TheDuckis

Are your parents very religious? The idea of them choosing your dress is just odd to me.

MyWedding13

They are really religious. They have always been extremely controlling, which is why they are saying that about the dress, they want to get flowers from a certain place, they want the cake from only this one bakery..etc. They are literally crazy I think.

Butter Cookie

Pay for your own wedding. Send them an invitation when you've planned it out.

TA DA!

Also, It's fiance. Not finace which sounds like "fine_ass" or finance which refers to money. Even if you're marrying him for the $$ it's not polite to call him money names until after the wedding. Then you can call him Daddy Sugar Bucks.

MyWedding13

oh that was a typo. I meant fiance.

Butter Cookie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_parentzillas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:61ba53bd-5bb3-4d45-b39e-867565be958aPost:bfe5c09a-afd3-4d6e-a840-d87e13fe387f">Re: Parentzillas!!</a>:
[QUOTE]oh that was a typo. I meant fiance.
Posted by MyWedding13[/QUOTE]

I know. I was trying to make a funny. I failed miserably apparently. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-cry.gif" border="0" alt="Cry" title="Cry" />

MyWedding13

Lol no its ok! I thought I looked like I was being rude after I read it lol!!!

**Stinky!**

If you're paying for it, you get ALL the input. Cut your parents off and let them know that they're invited, but not to make decisions.

TheDuckis

As I see it, you have 2 choices here:

1. Let your parents pay and have the wedding they want. You save your money and at the end of the day, you're married, which is the important thing anyway.

2. Pay for it yourself and have the wedding you want. This will end in a lot of hurt feelings and probably an irreparably damaged relationship with your parents.

My parents were similar to yours, and I went with option 1. (Though I did choose my own dress, and I put my foot down on a couple of issues that were imporant to me.) As much of a pain as my mom can be, I didn't think a party was worth ending my relationship with her. I'll be honest, due to the few things i put my foot down on, she still stopped speaking to me for about a month after the wedding. But if I had to do it again I wouldn't change a thing. Mom would have stopped talking to me regardless, at least with option 1 the rest of my family was still on my side. 

LarissaAnn

If you go with option 2 (what I did), make sure you tell your vendors that ONLY you or your fiance can alter your contracts, no one else.  I've seen too many chicks on here saying that family members went and canceled or changed their arrangements.

Heffalump

What hmo said, especially the second paragraph.

*Barbie*

We let my ILs pay for our wedding - luckily they aren't control freaks and wanted to have a blowout party. They got our input and then added a bunch of extras. I paid for my dress and had full control of what I wore. I don't think there was really anything that we felt the need to say "no" to - and it let us save our money for a down payment. To me, the particulars of the day weren't important - it was just the fact that DH and I got married. That's what mattered. 

katorigasuki

make sure you gets this "controlling parents" thing under wraps before you get married.

i suspect there will be meddling in your relationship if you don't start setting boundries now.