Sister-in-Law issues...

hayesx

 Last night my fiance told me that his sister wants to have her wedding in August of 2014.  We have been engaged two weeks but this wedding has been in the planning stages for awhile and I had mentioned it to a few people that we were thinking about August 15, 2014 as our wedding date.  I told his sister this.   

Before we went on vacation and a few weeks before we became engaged,  my fianee's mom told me that his sister wanted to have an October wedding in about 2 years, and now she wants to get married in the same month as us?!  Within in a couple weeks of us?  I don't want to share my wedding experience in any way with his sister.  I can see cousins possibly getting married close together but I feel there is a line between sisters and friends that you don't cross...I'm really pissed off and annoyed because I told her this before we left.  

She has been engaged for over a year now and has never mentioned this before and frankly no desire to get married because they wanted to have another kid...and now all of the sudden she wants to get married at the same time as us?!  WTF I know I'm being selfish feeling like I want this to be just about us but we also don't live near our families and will require a lot of help when we go down to get married.   I feel that his sister will put demands on people and we might be left scrabbling in order to get our wedding together.   am I just over reacting on this?  Or is his sister being a  huge pain in my ass?  My fiance is like well we can tell her we don't want to get married at the same time and have it the following year...why  do we have to wait longer because his sister is playing some game?  The day we got engaged she said that we should get married at the same time (like a couple weeks apart) and I just smiled..I didn't take it seriously...I need some opinions on this!!

StephBeanWed61502

You're overreacting.  You get a day, she gets a day.  Since it doesn't sound like either one of you has booked anything yet (and that's good, I'd think you were insane if you booked your wedding this far out), nothing's set in stone, so what's the point in getting worked up about it?  Start looking at venues this summer, and when you've officially booked a day, send your save-the-dates out and let his sister know your date is set.  If she manages to set hers first, just don't pick the same day that she picked.  It's really that simple.  (And while I will agree that it's not the most convenient thing to have two immediate family members get married that close together, if you say anything, you're going to look like a jealous, idiotic bridezilla.)

Also, side note, no one - I repeat, no one - owes you help with your wedding.  If it's going to be too difficult for you and your FI to plan your wedding on your own together, hire a wedding planner.  "I need our families to do slave labor for ME, not HER" is not a valid reason to be upset about your weddings being close together.

JaxInBlue

Agree with Steph.  You get your day, she gets hers.  It would be nice if there was more time between them if that would make things easier on their side of the family but FSIL and her FI are under no obligaiton to not look at the entire month of August just because you want to get married that month too. 

Since you know that month is now her preference, you could always consider different times; on off-season wedding in early spring or late fall might actually save you money, which could mean you could hire a planner or a DOC to make things easier for you and your FI since it sounds like you are planning an out-of-town wedding.

Wzz

so change your date. you've been engaged two weeks. this isn't going to be the last thing to annoy you. when you confirm a date, THEN start telling people when you're getting married. until then, all days in the year are available.

kmmssg

The "you get one day she gets one day" takes on a whole new meaning when it comes to siblings.  I am a 3 time MOB and my DD and stepDD got married within 3 months of each other.  The ladies in the family were not thrilled to attend 2 showers and 2 weddings in a 12 week period.  To be perfectly honest, there were some catty comments made to me as the stepmom.  Partly because she was 18 and partly because she held her wedding so close to DD's.

What can  you do to have the most control and deal with this?  Just take a breath, change your date, make sure it works for your VIPs and book your venue.  Send out STD's and be done.  It's either that or accept things as they are (which means you quit complaining).

Our other 2 girls were told in no uncertain terms we will only pay for 1 wedding per year!

MoonlightSilver

Have either of you reserved a venue? If not, then there's nothing to be annoyed about. 

I was planning have my wedding in August too, until my H's sister called, said she was engaged and the two weekends we had picked were the only two weekends she could get married. I was pretty pissed off, but neither of us had reserved venues, so we weren't going to lose any money over it. H and I changed our date, found a venue, reserved it, and moved on with our lives. We got married in June, and she got married in August. My H's side of the family enjoyed getting to see each other twice ove the summer. 

The other option is to be kind of an as*hole, quickly find and book a venue, then send out an email letting everyone know your date is saved- and let the pieces lie where they fall. But that's probably not how you want to start your entrance into your FI's family. 

FloridaMichelle

I'd be pissed too, girl!