A Wedding & A Funeral
Hi Knotties, I am in need of some advice, but in order for you to understand, I must first share the painful story of our wedding.
We had spent over a year and a half carefully and strategically planning our tightly budgeted wedding. We were relieved to have booked all of our vendors on the iconic day 10/10/10; although, a few weeks after booking, our reception’s event coordinator contacted me saying that she accidently double booked the day, we were second and therefore had to change venues or dates. We were both in love with the venue, and the coordinator offered us a sizeable discount, so we changed our date. Luckily, all of our vendors were available for the new day.
After being together for five years, we were both so excited for our day to finally be here. We had chosen a beautiful park with a lovely hand carved gazebo for our ceremony, but a few days before the wedding we saw a grim outlook forecasted and decided to move the ceremony indoors at our reception site, in Pontiac, MI.
I accepted the loss of my dream for an outdoor ceremony, and when our day came, I was relieved to see enough sunshine peaking through the storm clouds for a few outdoor photos at the original park location. We had a lovely little ceremony with our family and dearest friends. Afterwards, we took some family photos and then made our entrance into the Ballroom and immediately started with the toasts and dinner – I wanted to get on with the party! I made it half way through my meal when I noticed most of my immediate family putting their coats on and leaving, that is when my Mother came to the head table and told us about the accident.
My Grandfather and two other prominent family members were involved in a head on collision with a drunk driver on their way to the wedding. Everyone was critical and my Grandfather was worse off, being put on life support. I allotted 10 minutes for my husband and I to circle the floor and say our hello’s and goodbye’s… then we left.
We arrived at the Toledo Hospital, still in my wedding dress, and my Grandfather passed away a few hours later.
The insane amount of money and time we had spent toiling over the little details of our reception; and we walked out. We had not had our first dance, we had not cut our cake, we lost all of the moments that we had worked so hard to make possible. It all paled in comparison to being at my Grandfather’s bedside when he took his final breath, but I can’t help but feel sad for the day I had dreamed about since I was a girl. I am grieving and heartbroken. We spent our first week as newlyweds burying my Grandfather, and praying at the bedside of my Aunt who was injured in the accident. We cancelled our honeymoon and, during the time in which we had expected to feel boundlessly happy, we had not spent more than a few minutes together in which I had not been sobbing.
So, here we are, a year later. And I still feel like I have been robbed of so many things that I held dear. Knotties, what should I do? A few of our vendors had offered discounts and even free services if we were to have another reception in the future, but do you think it’s proper to ask people to travel again for us, and what do I say to the people who made it to the first event and didn’t get to enjoy it? I want something to feel joyful about; looking back at my wedding day with sorrow is appalling. I just want an opportunity to celebrate my marriage, with my husband, and with my family.
Re: A Wedding & A Funeral
btw, you can look at your wedding in a different way -- you still got married.
I feel like this is muddy mud we've seen before. I hope not, with the horrific grandfather story and all.
[QUOTE]I feel like this is muddy mud we've seen before. I hope not, with the horrific grandfather story and all.
Posted by DG1[/QUOTE]
This just feels kinda similar to hmo's decapitated bridesmaid story. Or was it the flower girl?
IDK. The whole "we're going to go on TV and ask for handouts" seems intentionally crafted to spark WW outrage.
get over it -- either meds, therapy or both. going to other people's weddings and resenting their receptions is childish and selfish -- their weddings are not about you or your loss (real loss, as in your grandfather or imagined loss, as in your reception party).
[QUOTE]How will a new reception not conjure thoughts of the last? And the death? And the tragedy? I think this is just another thing you need to grieve and move on.
Posted by nicoleg1982[/QUOTE]
Putting myelf in your shoes lands me here. I'm not sure how you'll be able to look at the new pictures and *not* think, "This is our do-over reception that we had because my grandfather died."
[QUOTE]You can have any kind of party/re-do you wish, HOWEVER, you need to pay for it yourself. Life happens. Life is unfair. No one owes you another reception.
Posted by MNNEBride[/QUOTE]
I happen to think this was helpful advice.
There is nothing you can do to "undo" the tragedy that happened during your wedding. You need to get past the fact that your wedding day wasn't the day you dreamed about and move on to living your life in the present.
Also, just because we don't agree with you, does not mean any response here is invalid.
if your relatives were killed or injured by a drunk driver the day before the wedding, would that entitle you to a re-do? what about a week before? a month before? what's the cutoff?
just because your friends and family are willing to coddle you and tell you to ask for handouts doesn't mean it's not tacky to do so.
tragedy-woring here a year later, and using it as an excuse to ask for handouts isn't going to get you any sympathy here.
Start planning a big anniversary party for the five year mark if that will make you feel better.
I just a friendly gal looking for options.
[QUOTE]I had posted our story shortly after our wedding. I hadn't gotten very much advice, so I fugured I'd try again.<strong> My husband has suggested sending our story to local newspapers, or even TV shows to get assistance with holding another reception, since we simply cannot afford to do anything.</strong>
Posted by MrsP100110[/QUOTE]
Not expecting handouts? Or just hoping for them?
I'm sorry for the loss of your grandfather, that you didn't have the joyous celebration you dreamed off but I don't see this as a situation you can do-over, it would dredge up too much sadness and would just have a "forced" atmosphere about the whole thing. I also think many of your guests wouldn't attend, they would have various reasons but they would mostly decline.
I am sorry for the loss of your grandfather...I would save the money needed for the 5 year mark. The memory of your love one will never be lost or go away, but I think that that will be sufficient time between so THIS event wont be so closely associated with what happened.
Or maybe you can reach out to the WE tv network..they have a show called "I do..over"...where tragic things happen to couples and they are given another shot. But you run the risk of when re-telling your story that the bad feeling are going to come up..and the focus still wont be on you and your husband