HELP! NO CONVICTS PLEASE!

CeCe73180

I asked for an address from my friend and she proceeded to tell me that her +1 guest is someone that will be less than month out of prison. I don't want him at my wedding. How do I go about telling my friend this?

Callmebetty

How good of a friend is she and what was her guest in prison for?  The crime matters to me.  Rapist or child molester-absolutely not, and I would probably break up with the friend for her lack of moral judgement.  

Thieving would still bug me, but if you really want this friend there...um...hide the silver?  I once had a friend who liked to date cons and ex cons.  We are no longer friends, so problem solved for me!  

TheDuckis

This is why you don't give +1s to people who aren't in long term relationships.

CeCe73180

I haven't even sent out the invitation!!! This is what she just told me!

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_help-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:7ad1916e-e94f-40cf-bf85-30789ce7977fPost:0c61ed09-03c0-4dee-ae7c-0df18aad049f">HELP! NO CONVICTS PLEASE!</a>:
[QUOTE]I asked for an address from my friend and she proceeded to tell me that her +1 guest is someone that will be less than month out of prison. I don't want him at my wedding. How do I go about telling my friend this?
Posted by CeCe73180[/QUOTE]

Butter Cookie

(1) Like it or not, this person has served their time in prison and you cannot assume that they're anything but someone with a past simply because they were in prison. For all you know, prison really did change their life.

(2) You don't get to decide who your guests invite. You've painted yourself into a corner by offering it to her to begin with - the general rule is that you don't have to invite +1 for people who aren't in relationships longer than 6 months

(3) Your friend had no business telling you about this man's past. I don't know why she would want to share this information with you. I can't imagine how this even comes up in conversation. Clearly *she* isn't okay with his past life.

(4) Do you even know what he was in prison for? It seems you assume he was in there for rape or murder but he may have been some jackass 18 year old who got popped trying to rob a gas station to show how "cool" he was and now, X years later, after rotting in a cell, he's realized what a completely foolish thing that was. Prison doesn't always mean he raped and murdered someone.

6fsn

Listen to BC.  She has excellent points.

CeCe73180

In response to your response:

(1) Like it or not, this person has served their time in prison and you cannot assume that they're anything but someone with a past simply because they were in prison. For all you know, prison really did change their life.   ---- HE IS  CURRENTLY IN JAIL AND WON'T EVEN BE OUT A MONTH ON MY WEDDING DATE

(2) You don't get to decide who your guests invite. You've painted yourself into a corner by offering it to her to begin with - the general rule is that you don't have to invite +1 for people who aren't in relationships longer than 6 months  - THEY ARE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP. INVITATIONS HAVE NOT GONE OUT AND I WASN'T PLANNING ON GIVING HER A +1. NOW I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TELL HER DELICATELY.

(3) Your friend had no business telling you about this man's past. I don't know why she would want to share this information with you. I can't imagine how this even comes up in conversation. Clearly *she* isn't okay with his past life.  - THIS IS ALL MY FRIEND EVER TALKS ABOUT AND I KNEW HIM WHEN WE WERE YOUNGER BUT I NEVER HAD A FRIENDSHIP WITH HIM! I KNEW WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM BEFORE SHE EVER BROUGHT IT UP.

(4) Do you even know what he was in prison for? It seems you assume he was in there for rape or murder but he may have been some jackass 18 year old who got popped trying to rob a gas station to show how "cool" he was and now, X years later, after rotting in a cell, he's realized what a completely foolish thing that was. Prison doesn't always mean he raped and murdered someone.  

LET ME COPY AND PASTE THE BIG HUGE LIST OF THINGS HE HAS BEEN IN THERE FOR - HIS LATEST STINT WAS 10 YEARS (HE IS STILL IN THERE FOR THIS)! He is a jackass but not for 1 small incident - he is a criminal! 

The reason there is multiple of the same crimes is because that is how many times he has committed them.

BURGLARY ASSAULT ANY PERSON 

GRAND THEFT,300 L/5,000 

BURGUNOCCSTRUC/CV OR ATT.

CARRYING CONCEALED FIREARM 

 FEL/DELI W/GUN/CONC WPN/AMMO  

BURGUNOCCSTRUC/CV OR ATT. 

GRAND THEFT MOTOR VEHICLE 

 BURGUNOCCSTRUC/CV OR ATT. 

 GRAND THEFT MOTOR VEHICLE 

 CRIMINAL MISCHIEF/PROP.DAMAGE 

 GRAND THEFT MOTOR VEHICLE 

 GRAND THEFT,$300 LESS &20,000 

 CARRYING CONCEALED FIREARM  

Now tell me - would you want this person at your wedding??

6fsn

If you weren't giving her a +1, then you need to just address it from that point.  "I'm sorry but we are on a budget.  We are not allowing anyone to bring a date who is not engaged or living together."

There is no reason to bring up the convictions.

mrsconn23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_help-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:7ad1916e-e94f-40cf-bf85-30789ce7977fPost:b6997aaf-89e7-4d9a-adea-746138d5cb0c">Re: HELP! NO CONVICTS PLEASE!</a>:
[QUOTE]If you weren't giving her a +1, then you need to just address it from that point.  "I'm sorry but we are on a budget.  We are not allowing anyone to bring a date who is not engaged or living together." There is no reason to bring up the convictions.
Posted by 6fsn[/QUOTE]

This. Andplusalso, stop yelling at us.  Are you this overly dramatic about everything?

CeCe73180

I wasn't yelling. I was trying to distinguish my response from hers. 

Butter Cookie

LOL!

Mkay.

Butter Cookie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_help-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:7ad1916e-e94f-40cf-bf85-30789ce7977fPost:cfbdd200-ca1a-4ee4-a2d4-3fb26df20a44">Re: HELP! NO CONVICTS PLEASE!</a>:
[QUOTE]LOL! Mkay.
Posted by Butter Cookie[/QUOTE]


I am quoting myself, since apparently posts are disappearing.  ::side-eye::

CeCe73180

BC - Did you think I was yelling at you?

CeCe73180

Which one disappeared? They are there. 

Butter Cookie

All caps is yelling, in internet-speak, but no, I thought you were just yelling in general, out of sheer frustration.

One of those WHY ISN'T ANYONE LISTENING TO ME? ARE YOU NOT HEARING THE WORDS COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH? ZOMBIES ARE AFTER US, YA'LL! kind of things.

But no, I was responding to the "BC you seem to instigate in every post you're in"

What can I say? I'm the girl on the playground yelling "FIIIIIGGGGHHHHHTTTT" in slow-motion.

arbolita

BC, I saw it too.  I got distracted, but I was going to post wondering why on earth you were singled out, when you actually were trying to be helpful.

Butter Cookie

Thank you! For a moment I thought I was losing my mind. Which, let's face it - has already happened anyway.

CeCe73180

I thought BC posted the part about yelling b/c of the Wonderwife picture but then I realized it was someone else.

Butter Cookie

Oh, and as for convicts at the wedding? My brother has been in and out of jail more times than I care to count. I still love him. He was still a perfect gentleman at my wedding. But he's my brother, not some random dude a guest was banging.

CeCe73180

I don't even think they have..lol I just think this is her fantasy for the past 10 years b/c they write each other and she just had a baby with another piece of crap. I think very quickly after he gets out...he will eventually forget about her:( Feel bad for her but she needs to make better decisions.

zsazsa-stl

At least this is the devil you know.  Since your friend is so klassy I'd hate to see what kind of date she drags up if this guy is forbidden from the premises.

CeCe73180

I'd rather have crappy baby daddy then this big time convict.

Butter Cookie

I'm sorry.


I have to say this.


Yeah, you don't want the guy taking off with the limo you planned to go to your hotel room in.

ReturnOfKuus

I don't see why you have to be delicate about this.  Why not just say "You're planning on bringing a convict fresh out of jail to my wedding?  What in the sam hill are you thinking?!  No plus one for you."