family ties: say uncle
this one's for you, nola.
the keatons are all aflutter because elyse's brother, ned donnelly, is coming to town. jennifer is practicing her clarinet, an instrument we never, ever see her play again, so i am sure she is first chair or something.
they're all talking about ned, and steven has gotten ned an interview with his boss down at the pbs station. but everyone is all worried about it because the last time ned was in town, he was on the run from the fbi for stealing $4.5 million dollars, and that makes job interviews awkward because he doesn't have any references.
ned arrives and OMG it's tom hanks! (side note: so both tom hanks and peter scolari had guest appearances on this show. i appreciate this kind of crossover, because it led to awesome things like "battle of the network stars" and "circus of the stars." on the other hand, it also led to horrible tv movies like "crash course" (thanks for that, tina yothers) and "senior prom" (to blame: rob stone of "mr. belvedere" and alyssa milano of "commando." i do not acknowledge tv shows alyssa milano was on because "commando" is so damn awesome. if you haven't seen it, netflix it now, or just go to some illegal swedish movie site and download it there. arnold is all 'roided up, alyssa plays his daughter ... i'll wait for you to stop laughing. done? no, okay, how about now? fine, so these terrorists kidnap her to force him to kill someone else so dan hedaya can be king or something. again, i'll wait for you to stop laughing. still waiting. and ... done. okay, and there's a dude who wears black leather pants, fingerless black leather gloves and a sleeveless leather t-shirt with chains and he is allegedly straight. go on with your laughing; i'll continue with the recap.))
where was i?
so uncle ned is already clearly drunk because he sings a little billy joel. jennifer is all, "let me play the clarinet for you!" and it's awful, and she should never be involved with anything musical ever again. oh www.amazon.com/Confessions-Jaded/dp/B000050I5A">wait. ... this is awkward.
later, all the keatons are in the front room, and ned has one hand on his chekov gun, i mean, the coffee table. he has his other hand around a beer. oooh... beer. he's been drinking throughout the night and at one point, steven goes to get another beer but ned has drunk them all! :: sad panda :: steven says they should get to bed because ned's big interview is tomorrow!
later that night, ned is in the kitchen, and he is finishing off some sweet, sweet whiskey. i love it too, neddikins. alex comes in for a midnight snack. (btw, does anyone do that, ever? i've gone for a glass of water, but nothing to eat so i don't have to brush my teeth again. maybe the dude with the orange gunk gums doesn't care about that, but really -- no eating.) alex is up late for an econ final, and ned is all surly drunk. he wants to go for a beer run, but sadly it's 2am. way to plan ahead, drunkle.
uncle ned then goes into the pantry, and pulls out some maraschino cherries and vanilla extract. instead of combining them with some vanilla ice cream and making a lovely shake, drunkle pours a glass of cherries for alex and sucks down the vanilla extract for himself. i swear, if that was my $20 bottle of extract, i would have kicked him in the junk and out onto the street.
uncle ned is all ragey and happy and alex isfrightened. frightened, auntie em, frightened! the next day, alex is all upset and tries to say something to uncle ned, but uncle ned makes some (SIGH) sex joke. y'all, i can't keep doing these if they keep up with the sex jokes. i'm ruining all my sweaters with all the clutching.
alex tells elyse that uncle ned is drunkle ned. elyse can't believe it, but then ned comes in and throws a little bottle of vodka into his oj. ned says he can stop whenever, and throws the screwdriver into the sink, infuriating me with the waste of both food and alcohol. why elyse couldn't drink it instead, i'll never know.
ned goes off to his interview, and steven's boss is interviewing him. ned proceeds to make a majeur drunken spectacle of himself -- WITH A TWIST OF LIME!
everyone is at home, and it's intervention time. steven, elyse and alex are all "you need help! you need aa!" when alex interventions, ned loses his sht and is all BANG ZING TO THE MOON! and alex goes flying across the room and into the coffee table -- where just the previous night, they were all playing games.
closeup on alex wiping blood from his mouth.
steven gets Scary Hockey Dad and comes charging at ned: JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? ned cried, and steven is all "you get help, or you get out." and then they call aa from the phone book and star preggo answers and posts his picture on the knot and no one is anonymous anymore!
okay, so if you didn't know this was going to be the alex p. keaton show before, the loving closeup on alex's face after ned hits him should have been your first clue. that's star power, right there.
if you have a second, you should youtube some "family ties" bloopers, because there is a great one with alex trying to explain the govt to andy. hint: mjf is canadian.
Re: family ties: say uncle
HOW COULD YOU FORGET RAE DAWN CHONG!!!! I LOVE COMMANDO!!!!!!!
Yes, this is the one. A+++ recap. I could get mad because you're watching this instead of the new season of Hoarders, but I will give you a pass since your recaps are so good.
Sidenote: I love me some Commando too. My fav scene is at the end when Arnold carries a 12 year old Alyssa on his arm, sitting on his bulging bicep.
my favorite scene is our introduction to arnold, as he carries a giant tree he has just felled with one arm, and the chainsaw is in the other arm, and he's just ambling down the mountain. as you do.
it doesn't have rae dawn chong? PASS.
alyssa had THE MOST AWESOME swatch in this movie. man, i coveted it -- like, straight up, help me put this couch in my van, coveted it.
You really need to freelance for TWOP.
Alyssa Milano is H's biggest crush going b ack to puberty, so he would probably be all about watching Commando.
I wore the heck out of them, let me tell ya.
[QUOTE]I don't even want to tell you how long it took for me to finally get my red swatch, tretons with the pink swipe, and my esprit outfit. I wore the heck out of them, let me tell ya.
Posted by NOLABridesmaid[/QUOTE]
NOLA! I was a brat and would ONLY wear tretorns. And then when those went out of style, I would only wear K-Swiss. Thank goodness my grandparents always bought my shoes and they were suckers!!!
I'll have to post a pic of my SUPER AWESOME Esprit outfit.
And I still have my swatch... :)