Compromising/Combining Styles (long)

The Future Mrs. CEO

So His Highness is SUPER involved with the wedding all of a sudden...(this is the second time around planning...we've gotten back together after a 2 year hiatus).  I love that he's so involved, but what he wants and what I want seem seriously out-of-sync.  The wedding bands were the first issue....we picked them out three weeks ago (haven't put the down payment on them yet).  He loves his, and frankly, so do I, but there isn't a matching female band.  I picked out a band that I like, but as the weeks pass, it's bothering me more and more that they don't match.  Now we can't agree on a reception style....he wants very modern, loft space, minimalistic wedding/reception; I want an outdoor, garden-style wedding with a very romantic, classic/vintage reception.  We found one venue that had the potential to allow us to compromise, but unfortunately, it's WAY out of our price range.  I don't know what to do.  We aren't fighting, thank goodness, but we're both getting really frustrated.  I'm sure a wedding planner could help us find the best of both worlds, but we're on a very tight budget, and it's really not an expense we can afford.  Does anyone have any ideas?  Please!  I don't want to spend the next 14 months fighting with the love of my life, and we both want our special day to reflect both of our styles.

psichick

first off, wedding bands don't have to match. most people's don't. example: i have a platinum band with diamonds, FI's band is black titanium with a celtic band in set. they don't match at all. who cares, no one is comparing them!!!!!

as for the venue - you're going to have to sit down and work that out. maybe make a list of the important things that you are looking for in a venue, and have him do the same, then compare the two and see if there's some common ground. maybe at a botanical garden? you can still have the romantic feel in a more modern space. good luck

stephdonjon

I was going through the exact same thing today. We started to hash out what we thought our reception would be like and discovered we had very different opinions. We talked things out, listened to why the other preferred what they did, and made compromises on a few things. I actually ended up compromsing a lot of my vision more than he did, but for practicality purposes.

Maybe you can do an outdoor gardenesque ceremony and then the reception can be more of his minimalist style? Or you can hold the reception outdoors but incorporate modernity into the table pieces and decor?

The Future Mrs. CEO

psichick

You are seriously the first person I've heard of whose wedding bands didn't match.  It makes me feel a lbetter.  I'm sure that I'm just blowing the rings out of proportion because I feel like EVERYTHING is so separate now idea-wise.

@stephdonjon I'm actuallyl looking over a list of all of the wedding venues in our city and bookmarking them so that we can go over them later.  I think he'll be pleased.  I had no idea there were so many places to get married here (I've only lived here in Columbus 2 years, and he just moved here a month ago).  I've found a few places that were necessarily what I would have said I wanted, but that I really like so far based on the pictures.  

Thanks both of you for replying.  We've started planning as early as possible since we can't afford a planner, and I'm taking great pains not become a bridezilla! :-)  Bouncing ideas off of other brides really helps!

spinner84

I didn't know anyone actually cared about matching bands. Seriously, it's okay! As long as you both love your bands, that is what matters.

As for the venue, honestly, as long as you and your guests will be comfortable, the rest is just details. On that day, you will not notice anything but each other.

I had a bit of a groomzilla myself. In the end, I decided that it mattered more to him than to me, so we went with his preferences for the ceremony, and I don't regret it at all. What about a compromise of him choosing the ceremony location, and you choosing the reception location? (But you would have to deal with transportation.)

psichick

i've heard of matching wedding rings, never seen it in real life though lol. you should get a ring that you like, and he gets one that he likes. they don't have to be the same. they should fit your own personal style and desires (and budget!)

duckie1905

Our bands don't even come close to matching.  Now that I think about it I cannot recall seeing a set of bands that do match.  For DH and myself it was an expression of our individuality.  We picked out our own bands separate from the other.

As for the reception: both of you will need to learn to compromise.  It is a great skill to have for the wedding and beyond so some practice now will do everyone some good.  Think of a way to combine the most important things for both of you. 

deepcovejackie

FI and I are not having matching bands.  I'm not sure what the purpose would be in that?  I'm never in the region of FI left 4th finger with my left 4th finger so as folks would notice our bands.  Yeah, you can put me down as "unconcerned".  Do whatever makes you happiest!

6fsn

Our bands don't match either.  There are lots of options in Columbus in any price range and size you want.

As an aside- if you don't mind a bit of a drive (1.5 hrs) for a wedding dress Universe Bridal in West Lafayette, OH has a  great selection at great prices.

emarston1

Each of you should make a list of the top 5-10 things that are important to you in rank order.  Then you can compare lists.  The thing that is most important to you, you would get more say on and vice versa.

It's not a perfect solution but it will at least give you an idea of what each of you truly cares about vs. what you just have an opinion on.

Good luck!

PS - when I read about the wedding bands - I thought you were talking about a music band and I was extremely confused as to why you had to have a matching female band.  My brain is just not working today.

Lauriac

No matching bands here, either. They're both white gold and that's about all  they have in common. We entertained the idea of matching rings, but since we're going to be wearing them for the rest of our lives, we decided to go with whatrever fit our respective personal styles best.