Oh, the shadiness

KDRachael1

So I emailed my FMIL yesterday and told her that the STD cards went out in the mail that afternoon. She responds back with, "Oh, that's great! I have one, possibly 3 more friends to add." <side eye> Oooookay, whatever. I advised her to ask my FI first since we're having a pretty small wedding (60 people) and to make sure its okay with him. He told her no, that he doesn't know the people she wants to invite and it wouldn't be appropriate since one of the couples is the attorney handling his child custody case with his ex-wife. So what does FMIL do? She sends a message to MY mom on Facebook and asks if she can add these people to the list. My mom didn't know that FI had said no, so she told FMIL that sure, she'd add them.

Now, I don't care about her adding more people. She's paying for the rehearsal dinner and an engagement party, so she can invite people. its going to be a hell of a party regardless. But to go behind her son's back like that after he's said no? Not cool.

Matty143

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_oh-shadiness?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:7f316ba0-ea83-4db6-8c07-e1d50df4a774Post:367838a4-96cb-4766-bf8f-c7e6baca7825">Re: Oh, the shadiness</a>:
[QUOTE]Fi needs to have a sit down with his mother about this. she sounds like the type to take a foot when you give an inch.
Posted by Wifezzilla[/QUOTE]

Ditto this. I would get that under control asap.

KDRachael1

I'm kind of torn on whether or not to even tell him. He's going to be SO p*ssed. And she's always been totally cool. I mean, I love her to death and I feel lucky to be getting her as a MIL. But I'm just bothered by the deception. Yeesh. I was trying to avoid all this by having a small wedding.

lindseyann410

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_oh-shadiness?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:7f316ba0-ea83-4db6-8c07-e1d50df4a774Post:473138ea-e611-4098-b755-ce63dcd915b5">Re: Oh, the shadiness</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm kind of torn on whether or not to even tell him. He's going to be SO p*ssed. And she's always been totally cool. I mean, I love her to death and I feel lucky to be getting her as a MIL. But I'm just bothered by the deception. Yeesh. I was trying to avoid all this by having a small wedding.
Posted by KDRachael1[/QUOTE]

<div>Why wouldn't you tell him?  Wouldn't you want to know if it was you?  And isn't it better for him to find out now than later from someone other than you when you knew?  Or worse, if he found out at the wedding?</div><div>
</div><div>Just tell him.  It will be fine.</div>

TheDuckis

Did your mother already send STDs to the add-ons? If not, I'd definitely tell FI to tell his mother nice try. If she has, I'd still tell FI, and I'd expect him to be having a loooong talk with his mother about boundaries.

knottie5c06085a6024ee76

You definitely need to tell him ASAP.  Otherwise you risk him being upset at the wedding when he sees guests he specifically said would be inappropriate to invite.

jolla92126

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_oh-shadiness?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:7f316ba0-ea83-4db6-8c07-e1d50df4a774Post:6ae63814-438a-4239-8e69-076c64c872c3">Oh, the shadiness</a>:
[QUOTE]She sends a message to MY mom on Facebook and asks if she can add these people to the list. My mom didn't know that FI had said no, so she told FMIL that sure, she'd add them.
Posted by KDRachael1[/QUOTE]
1. Now that your mother knows, can't she remove the add-ons?

2. Why is your mom handling the guest list at all? You and FI should be.

KDRachael1

My parents are paying for the wedding. FI and I sent my mom the guest list and addresses so she can do the invites and all that. I ended up telling FI what happened and he got really mad at his mom. Then for some reason she starts forwarding ME all the texts from him and cc'd me on her responses about how hurt she was, how disrespectful he is, etc. This all happened yesterday. Everything is cool now (thank you vodka) but damn if yesterday didn't suck. She's aware of her boundaries now though.