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Have I ruined everything...?

doubleA829doubleA829 member
Third Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Woes
So I got engaged a couple of months ago.  We decided to wait to tell anybody on his side until my 25th birthday, which is on the 27th of this month.  The reason we decided this was because his younger brother (who I might add is younger than me) proposed to his girlfriend in November of 2009 and they are getting "married" this summer (they keep changing the date and can't decide anything). 
  We are gonna tell his family at the end of this month and make it clear that we aren't going to actually get married until AFTER I graduate next year.  No big deal, right?
Wrong.  My dad told his best friend who happens to be my FI's brother's boss.  So now FI's brother is mad and says we are being rude and stealing their spotlight, etc etc.
Now my FI is worried and upset and has decided that now he wants to wait until after his brother gets married.  Of course I got upset because I am tired of keeping things a secret.  So we got into a fight in which FI said he is sticking to his decision and I told him that if we really love each other and care about each other it shouldn't matter what other people (especially his brother) think.
He got mad
I got mad
And we hung up on not necessarily good terms..
Is it wrong of me to feel so hurt and betrayed that he seems to care more about what his brother thinks than how I feel?
Have I possibly ruined the rest of our lives?
I have been a mess of tears and all for the last hour and desperately need some help!
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Re: Have I ruined everything...?

  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    [QUOTE]Have I possibly ruined the rest of our lives?
    Posted by doubleA829[/QUOTE]

    seriously?

    yeah, you are 25.
    image
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  • loveshine1loveshine1 member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Tell him and his brother that they get ONE day. Just one.

    Getting married any other day, particularly one a year from now is perfectly acceptable.
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  • baconsmombaconsmom member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Oh, honey. If one fight about a narcissistic drama-llama (his brother) is going to ruin your marriage? You're not ready to be married. 

    In fact, this whole plan - kowtowing to the brother, keeping secrets, fighting about it - fails to convince me that you should be thinking about marriage. And am I right in thinking you're not living together, either? Yikes. All of this bodes ill.

    So look at the bright side: You may have saved yourself a lot of trouble by realizing you're not ready for any of this right now. Congratulations!
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  • TheDuckisTheDuckis member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    If you can't handle something as simple as telling your families that you're getting married, you probably can't handle marriage.
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  • baconsmombaconsmom member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_ruined-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:806b1ff7-bd2d-4244-a771-228ca6757ba1Post:7619d978-0db1-4afd-b035-cbba08ba0ea2">Have I ruined everything...?</a>:
    [QUOTE]So I got engaged a couple of months ago.  We decided to wait to tell anybody on his side until my 25th birthday, which is on the 27th of this month.  The reason we decided this was because his younger brother (who I might add is younger than me) proposed to his girlfriend in November of 2009 and they are getting "married" this summer (they keep changing the date and can't decide anything).    We are gonna tell his family at the end of this month and make it clear that we aren't going to actually get married until AFTER I graduate next year.  No big deal, right? Wrong.  My dad told his best friend who happens to be my FI's brother's boss.  So now FI's brother is mad and says we are being rude and stealing their spotlight, etc etc. Now my FI is worried and upset and has decided that now he wants to wait until after his brother gets married.  Of course I got upset because I am tired of keeping things a secret.  So we got into a fight in which FI said he is sticking to his decision and I told him that if we really love each other and care about each other it shouldn't matter what other people (especially his brother) think. He got mad I got mad And we hung up on not necessarily good terms.. Is it wrong of me to feel so hurt and betrayed that he seems to care more about what his brother thinks than how I feel? Have I possibly ruined the rest of our lives? I have been a mess of tears and all for the last hour and desperately need some help!
    Posted by doubleA829[/QUOTE]

    <div>Just in case.</div>
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  • Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    What happens if an uncle or aunt or cousin gets engaged and comes out with the news right after your FBIL's reception? Do you have to wait for them to get married too?

    You guys should just hold off on getting married until you've experienced a little more life.
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  • TheDuckisTheDuckis member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    You don't think the rest of his family is going to be hurt that you guys have been keeping your engagement a secret for 2 months?
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  • Wonderw1feWonderw1fe
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I sure hope you don't get pregnant at the same time.
    ..
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  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011

    yes, why the secret engagement?

    by any chance, are you a rising opera star, is your fiance the patron of the opera house, and is your fiance's brother some kind of disfigure magician/musician?

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  • MinMMinM
    10000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    What do you need help with? Spinal cord development?
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  • zsazsa-stlzsazsa-stl member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Is there a special engagement crown in the family that must be worn at all times?  This is silly.  You get ONE day.  Your FI's brother gets ONE day.  I imagine them having a tickle fight to settle this.
    image

    I just a friendly gal looking for options.

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  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Wait.  So all this drama is because your FI's brother feels thunderjacked, got your FI to buckle, you made him choose sides between you and his brother, and he chose his brother?

    Did you steal this plot from Days of Our Lives or General Hospital or something?  Is your FI's brother also his evil twin?  Do any of you have multiple personalities?  Is anyone in a coma, or presumed dead but really still alive on an island somewhere?
    �
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  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    man, if one of you gets possessed by the devil marlena-style, that would be awesome.
    image
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  • veebrothveebroth
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You haven't ruined everything and I understand how being fresh from a fight can make you feel that way. I agree with everyone else that this might be a time to take a look at the relationship and make sure you both want this, but talking with each other calmly about what you want should fix the problem. Good luck and I'm sorry you're having a not so great day :/
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  • deepcovejackiedeepcovejackie
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Um wow.   Sounds like you and your FI have been ?scared? to announce your engagement?  I would think now FI family has a reason to be annoyed about being kept in the dark.  I'm not sure how you thought that keeping it a secret was going to work.  The brother doesn't own the whole engagement/marriage thing, and as pp said, he gets one day.

    What are you graduating from?

    Also, I'm thinking you need to work on your communication in your relationship.  Sounds quite insecure to question if you've ruined everything after one fight.  I understand your stress, but it sounds like you need to work with FI on that one.

    I'm not even going to comment on how your FI is allowing his brother to bully you into keeping your engagement a secret.  Yikes!
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  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Everyone involved in your story needs a FITB, and in this case F= fist, not finger. 

    You have ruined your life, your FI's life, your Future ILs' lives, your parent's lives, the boss of your uncle's cousin's life. 

    Please to be getting KU right away and announce it at fBIL's wedding. 

    I would also like to know what you are graduating from, because this sounds like high-school drama to me. 
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  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Maybe this kind of wedding is more your speed:


    �
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  • deepcovejackiedeepcovejackie
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Just re-read OP.  Apparently she's 25.  I was thinking the same thing, Barbie.
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  • Shawnee11507Shawnee11507
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Seriously? The brother got engaged 6 months ago, why would you keep your engagement a secret? And why would you keep it a secret for a year? Are you 16?
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  • Chelsea124Chelsea124 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    OH MY GOD, why is everyone here so mean? is it NOT necessary!

    You guys act like you've never feared ruining your relationship. 
    If anything, a fear for destroying your relationship shows that you DO care & love that person!

    All the rude comments and snobbish remarks need to stop, seriously.

    YOU'RE SCARING AWAY NEW KNOTTIES!
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  • duckybird15duckybird15 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I disagree...I'm not scared away.  This is the entertainment I've been looking for!
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  • Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_ruined-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:806b1ff7-bd2d-4244-a771-228ca6757ba1Post:1bc18f3f-3174-48fb-ab56-bc5a004c560d">Re: Have I ruined everything...?</a>:
    [QUOTE]OH MY GOD, why is everyone here so mean? is it NOT necessary! You guys act like you've never feared ruining your relationship.  If anything, a fear for destroying your relationship shows that you DO care & love that person! All the rude comments and snobbish remarks need to stop, seriously. YOU'RE SCARING AWAY NEW KNOTTIES!
    Posted by Chelsea124[/QUOTE]


    Have you made it your life mission to come on here and postblock us?

    Are you familiar with the term, delusions of grandeur?

    Let me give you an example: An ant crawling up an elephant's leg with rape on its mind.

    In this case, you are the ant. YWIA!!
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  • Chelsea124Chelsea124 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_ruined-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:806b1ff7-bd2d-4244-a771-228ca6757ba1Post:b37122c8-5014-4e1b-922a-86c0c04cbc6a">Re: Have I ruined everything...?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Have I ruined everything...? : Have you made it your life mission to come on here and postblock us?
    Posted by Butter Cookie[/QUOTE]

    no actually I haven't. But almost everytime I see someone post when they're having a problem you guys are so mean. Your posts are full of snide comments, not helpful advice.
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  • doubleA829doubleA829 member
    Third Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Congratuatlations, everybody!  You have all reminded me why in hell I cannnot stand being around other females!
    So to answer a few of your questions:
    1. I was born in 1985, and will be 25 this month...learn how to read.
    2. Who in hell says that living together has to be a prerequisite for marriage? 
    3. I will be graduating from COLLEGE with my degree in criminal justice...how long do you plan on asking people if they want fries with that?
    4. A tea party?  How cute...I haven't had one of those in oh..I don't know...20 Years!
    5. I am sooo sure that your lives are all roses and sunshine.  When that sunshine goes supernova (if you don't know what that means I hope you can figure out how to look it up) if it hasn't already, be sure to contact me so I can tell you where to stick it...
    Have a nice dayLaughing

    For those of you who happen to have a decent bone in your bodies:
    Thank you very much.  We sat down and talked about things last night and we are doing just fine.  His brother and future sister in law have a habit of bringing drama into things and we just wanted to avoid any more by keeping it to ourselves for a little bit.  Mainly because we knew they would probably pull something like this saying that we are being rude and "copying them."
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  • Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_ruined-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:806b1ff7-bd2d-4244-a771-228ca6757ba1Post:08bfca0f-9499-4dbb-ad57-252412657e3d">Re: Have I ruined everything...?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Have I ruined everything...? : no actually I haven't. But almost everytime I see someone post when they're having a problem you guys are so mean. Your posts are full of snide comments, not helpful advice.
    Posted by Chelsea124[/QUOTE]

    Actually I frequently give good advice. Which usually is met with "Well fck you then!"

    So why don't you continue your research?
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  • Chelsea124Chelsea124 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_ruined-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:806b1ff7-bd2d-4244-a771-228ca6757ba1Post:e38c7b1c-5bf5-4c22-aed9-b50743396c78">Re: Have I ruined everything...?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Congratuatlations, everybody!  You have all reminded me why in hell I cannnot stand being around other females! So to answer a few of your questions: 1. I was born in 1985, and will be 25 this month...learn how to read. 2. Who in hell says that living together has to be a prerequisite for marriage?  3. I will be graduating from COLLEGE with my degree in criminal justice...how long do you plan on asking people if they want fries with that? 4. A tea party?  How cute...I haven't had one of those in oh..I don't know...20 Years! 5. I am sooo sure that your lives are all roses and sunshine.  When that sunshine goes supernova (if you don't know what that means I hope you can figure out how to look it up) if it hasn't already, be sure to contact me so I can tell you where to stick it... Have a nice day For those of you who happen to have a decent bone in your bodies: Thank you very much.  We sat down and talked about things last night and we are doing just fine.  His brother and future sister in law have a habit of bringing drama into things and we just wanted to avoid any more by keeping it to ourselves for a little bit.  Mainly because we knew they would probably pull something like this saying that we are being rude and "copying them."
    Posted by doubleA829[/QUOTE]


    you have posted 3 times, and your already my favorite person on here :)
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