Wedding Woes

Wedding Woes

Although I can usually speak to my FH about everything, I'm here to seek some advice from other brides. When we first got engaged we decided to have a very tiny wedding with just the immediate family. Unfortunately that didn't last long since my FH has a very large family so we have a medium sized wedding in the works. At this point my frustration lies in that his family only wants to do things their way and according to their traditions. I'm a very respectful person and am fine with incorporating a bit of everything but they insist on having things their way.

FFIL is partially paying for the wedding (a set amount which is looking like one third of the cost perhaps a little bit less). The gift is appreciated but i don't see how that means he gets to run the show. Not only does he want to make selections for us on food and attire but he has now gone as far as to suggest to my MOH how and when the bridal shower should be held. Added, FMIL and SIL are also telling my FH how we should have our wedding and always comparing it to hers (his sister). Each of their suggestions means more money for us to spend. They never suggest a low budget item, just top of the line the bigger the better when that's not the way we are at all. We are simple, down to earth people that would be perfectly happy having a much more low key wedding.

Further complicating it is that my FH is falling for all of this and doesn't understand why I can't talk to his family about our wedding. At this point i'm not even sure what to do...he doesn't see my point. All I want is for us to have a nice wedding to share the moment with our friends and family. I feel as if their intention for our wedding it for them to show off.

Any advice on how I should handle this?

Re: Wedding Woes

  • edited December 2011
    Take their money and take their suggestions or pay for it yourself and make your own decisions. But first, talk to your FH and get on the same damn page.
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  • TheDuckisTheDuckis member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Instead of just having them hand you a lump of cash and assuming it gives them the right to plan the whole thing, ask them what specific items they want to pay for. Then they can have all the say in those things, and you can take care of everything else.
  • edited December 2011
    If they insist on a whole bunch of upgrades it might be better financially (and for the sake of your sanity) to refuse their money.

    However, the most important thing is that you and yoru FI get on the same page. If anyone talks to his family, it's best if it comes from him, which is obviously not possible if he doesn't agree with it.
  • edited December 2011
    I can see how this would be stressful. I agree with PP about asking them what they want their money to go towards. This will leave you with more freedom.
  • edited December 2011
    Thank you for the advice. Unfortunately we've already gone down the road of where the money would be allocated. When they offered, his parents mentioned they wanted to pay for the venue. FH and I both agreed to have them pay for that and we would handle everything else. I think somewhere down the line this was lost to them.
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