FFIL is the bane of my existence

luckynutmeg

Okay, the headline is drama, but he's killing me. I really need to vent, badly.
FI and I are paying for the wedding ourselves. FFIL wants to invite some of his biker friends to our wedding, but we honestly cannot afford it as we are having a small wedding. We asked for their addresses just to be polite, but it turns out FFIL already invited them AND RSVP'd yes for ALL of them.

He also refuses to wear the $100 black tux we reserved for him because "it's too expensive" and he wants to wear his navy blue pinstripe (he insists that it is black pinstripe).

He refuses to buy our quarter kegs (we will reimburse him because we live 400 miles away and so can't get them until the day of the wedding) because he doesn't want to fork out the money now for them but is willing to buy cans of Miller Lite.

He told FI that the church wedding was stupid. FI's religion and church are important to him, which is why we are having a Catholic wedding (I wanted an outdoor one but compromised).

He wants to bring his big, misbehaving dog to our wedding day photos and include her in them (I HATE that dog). Keep in mind the FI and I have our own dog and she's not in the photos.

I am sorry this was so long. I really needed to vent. Honestly, this man is a giant two-year old in a 50-year old body. He's divorced from FMIL but acts like they are still married, treats his kids like his own personal banks, and emotionally abuses everyone around him.

But he has to come to the wedding because I believe it is important to my FI to have him there (FI won't admit it but will not "not invite" his dad.

**O-Face**

*thanks Jesus*

You can't be a doormat unless you lay down.

Also, be glad you live far far away.

Heffalump

Um...how is it that one of your wedding guests is able to invite people you never invited yourself?  Just tell him no.  This is also what you should have done instead of asking for their addresses "to be polite." 

He's an adult, he can wear what he wants.  It doesn't make one bit of difference--especially because it's not like he's threatening to show up in a grass skirt.

He sounds like a piece of work, but don't make things worse.  If he really is like a two year old, then you need to pick your battles.  Stand your ground on things that matter (guest list), let slide the things that don't (his clothes).

LnR70707

Sounds like your FI needs to grow a set of balls and deal with this sh!t.

loveshine1

Wow. That is quite the fix you're in.

I wish I had some words of wisdom, but for this situation, I have nothing.

6fsn

- The invite thing is crappy.  I doubt they show.
- Let him wear his suit or rent the tux for him.
- Call the distributor and try to order them on your own so FFIL can pick them up.  Or send FFIL the cash so he doesn't have to front you money.
- Take a bone for the dog and lock it away.

loveshine1

I went to a wedding where the bride's dad left early to go home to feed his dog.

ReturnOfKuus

I don't think you're seeing the big picture here.  Your FI lets his asshat dad walk all over him AND you.  Do you think this is going to stop with the wedding?  What do you think is going to happen on holidays, or any time you decide to have a family get-together that the two of you host?  What do you forsee happening if you have kids for their baptism, their first communion, their graduations, all of their milestones?

Get this worked out to your satisfaction before you marry this guy, that's the best advice I can give you.

L_Woods

I was all set to call you a drama llama, but I didn't need to, phew.

Your FI should really handle his father, but considering, as Kuus mentioned he's been allowing his dad to walk all over him for years I doubt that will happen. In that case, I want you to start practicing no. NO. No, you cannot bring your dog to photos. No, you cannot invite people.

But, also, pick your battles. Yes, you can wear a suit that we didn't pick out as long as it's clean and fits. No worries about the beer, we will find out how to order it, or ask a friend in the area, or something. We'll make sure one of the kegs is Miller Lite for you.

awesome-sauce

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_ffil-bane-of-existence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:873e9885-aee4-4c5b-9fae-fd4640d2c920Post:8fca4964-a291-4208-9068-fc4ff6a03a7e">FFIL is the bane of my existence</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, the headline is drama, but he's killing me. I really need to vent, badly. FI and I are paying for the wedding ourselves. FFIL wants to invite some of his biker friends to our wedding, but we honestly cannot afford it as we are having a small wedding. We asked for their addresses just to be polite, but it turns out FFIL already invited them AND RSVP'd yes for ALL of them. He also refuses to wear the $100 black tux we reserved for him because "it's too expensive" and he wants to wear his navy blue pinstripe (he insists that it is black pinstripe). He refuses to buy our quarter kegs (we will reimburse him because we live 400 miles away and so can't get them until the day of the wedding) because he doesn't want to fork out the money now for them but is willing to buy cans of Miller Lite. He told FI that the church wedding was stupid. FI's religion and church are important to him, which is why we are having a Catholic wedding (I wanted an outdoor one but compromised). He wants to bring his big, misbehaving dog to our wedding day photos and include her in them (I HATE that dog). Keep in mind the FI and I have our own dog and she's not in the photos. I am sorry this was so long. I really needed to vent. Honestly, this man is a giant two-year old in a 50-year old body. He's divorced from FMIL but acts like they are still married, treats his kids like his own personal banks, and emotionally abuses everyone around him. But he has to come to the wedding because I believe it is important to my FI to have him there (FI won't admit it but will not "not invite" his dad.
Posted by luckynutmeg[/QUOTE]

You and FI are paying. So both of you get the say.

FI needs to give his father a ho sit down.

FI needs to tell father that the dog was not listed on the invite. Thus, he can't bring the dog.

I would say his father needs to uninvite the people he invited without your permission...but you asked for their addresses in reference to invitations, so he was safe to assume they were invited.

Paulo's Menina Bela

You're out of luck when it comes to his friends. Your mistake was asking for their addresses. Anyone would assume that you intended to invite a person if you requested his/her address. That one's on you.

What does your FI say about this? Does he want is father their so badly that he's willing to be a doormat for his father to wipe his dirty biker boots on? Have you had a real sitdown with your FI about this?

Also, forget about the suit. My dad wore a very nice, grey, three-piece suit and looked great next to my mother in her evening gown.

veebroth

Ouch sucks! I wish I had some words of wisdom, all I know is controlling FMIL's but that's a different story. Hang in there and stand your ground on what's important to you. Get your FI to back you up too. Good luck!

luckynutmeg

Thanks for all your advice! I needed to vent and am glad I did so here. :-)
I talked with FI as we were walking home yesterday from work. He does want his father there, but said he will prevent him from bringing the dog to the photos. FIL also found a black suit (FMIL called and told us last night) but still whined about paying for it (whatever, at least now he has a suit).
And I've decided to let the guests slide. It was my fault to ask for the addresses, but we had asked him last September if there was anyone he specifically wanted to invite. He never gave names or addresses to us, and so I was planning my wedding based on the number we had invited. Everything (favors, centerpieces) is purchased based on that number, which is why I am so mad that he told me this weekend that he had invited more people.
Honestly, he's trying to make our wedding about him - he does that for EVERY occasion (even refused to attend his daughter's Italian coming of age party, so she had to cancel it because it's all about fathers and daughters). But FOOT DOWN, I will not let him act up any more. I told FI that it is our wedding day and I won't let his father ruin it. I won't confront him or do anything that may strain relations before the wedding, but so help me, if he does anything ON my wedding day, he will hear it. (GRRR!)