Wedding Woes

s/o hypothetical future husbands

Suppose that you are under 40ish and and you've been married for 10 years or less.  Your H dies.  You buy a cemetery plot/mausoleum unit/ticket to the moon for his body or ashes.

Questions:  Do you buy a neighboring spot for yourself?  Or do you hold out in case you want to be buried or interred next to a future husband? 

Does having children together make a difference?  Would being married for more than 10 years make a difference to your decision?  15 years? 20?
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I just a friendly gal looking for options.

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Re: s/o hypothetical future husbands

  • Eugh.  I don't know how to answer; cemetery plots squck me out a bit.
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  • i either want to be cremated and made into a diamond, or be taxidermied and put on my couch cushion, so I don't think I'll need a plot. :-)
  • I don't want to be buried.  The very idea disgusts me on multiple levels.  I want to be cremated and sprinkled somewhere (not just kept in an urn).  So, I don't think I'll have to worry about this unless there are some major life changes in my future re: burial.


  • I have no idea. 

    I just brought up to DH this weekend that we need to get our wills together.  We've been a big fat fail in that area of life.
  • ugh.  I'd probably buy a neighboring plot and make sure I could sell it if I changed my mind later.  (in the 'main' part of my town's big cemetary, remaining plots go for top dollar, because the 'new' part isn't as pretty..someone who bought the extra plot and now wanted to sell it could make a tidy profit...)
  • Another vote for cremation here.

    Gpa and Gma have a plot together.  Gma is already dead.   She was not a nice person.  I often wonder if Gpa really wants to lay next to her for all eternity.

  • So if your husband wants to be in a cemetary or a mausoleum do they know that they are going to be there alone? Or do they want the same thing that you do? 

    I would prefer to be cremated.  But H is all yay for cemetaries, so if I go before him it would be okay if he wanted to put my ashes in one with a stone (or maybe a statue) so that he could bring picnics and hang out with me.  

    I honestly don't know what I would do if he went first.  I know that he would want me to buy a plot next to him, but if he died tomorrow I might just have a lot of living left to do and a lot of other people to do that living with.  My decision might very well hinge on my age and if I have any potentially fertile years left and I would feel guilty about it.  Perhaps I should invest in a triple wide.  
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    I just a friendly gal looking for options.

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  • If he wants to be buried, then I'll ask that someone sprinkle my ashes over his plot, and maybe plant some flowers there.  But he isn't sure what he wants at this time.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_so-hypothetical-future-husbands?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:8f540169-8101-4929-8f42-b05acfb1e224Post:20a0e2bc-bcc1-405a-ac2a-4fdf3d8975f1">Re: s/o hypothetical future husbands</a>:
    [QUOTE]Another vote for cremation here. Gpa and Gma have a plot together.  Gma is already dead.   She was not a nice person.  I often wonder if Gpa really wants to lay next to her for all eternity.
    Posted by AuntFlo[/QUOTE]

    Hee!  I'm sorry that your gma was mean.  But it reminds me of that Friends episode when Phoebe said that she knew her grandma was looking up at her and smiling.  Someone said, "Phoebe, don't you mean looking <em>down </em>on you?" And she said that no, grandma was most definitely in hell.
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    I just a friendly gal looking for options.

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  • tawillerstawillers member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited October 2012
    DH wants to be cremated.  I'm not sure what I want right now.  We have discussed it.

    ETA:  I will not remarry after DH but to answer the question, no, I would not take any hypothetical future husbands' feelings into consideration.  DH and I will somehow be "together", whether I am buried with his urn or we are both scattered in Sydney Harbor.  I haven't decided what I want.
  • There is room for three people in my dad's mausoleum, so mom will go there. I guess my sister and I will have to flip a coin.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_so-hypothetical-future-husbands?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:8f540169-8101-4929-8f42-b05acfb1e224Post:20a0e2bc-bcc1-405a-ac2a-4fdf3d8975f1">Re: s/o hypothetical future husbands</a>:
    [QUOTE]Another vote for cremation here. Gpa and Gma have a plot together.  Gma is already dead.   She was not a nice person.  I often wonder if Gpa really wants to lay next to her for all eternity.
    Posted by AuntFlo[/QUOTE]

    <div>We had this w/ evil g-ma-IL.</div><div>Some of her ashes are w/ MIL, some with the crazy aunties, and some were interred at the grave site with the Mr's cousin who was murdered a few years ago.</div><div>I feel sorry for crazy cousin's corpse--she had a hellish life and death and now has this horrible shrew of a woman sharing her resting place as the only 'good' way for some of her ashes to be on consecrated ground.</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>On topic, I've basically said whoever dies first abdicates all rights unless they've made it clear in advance.</div><div>Because funerals, graves, all that...it's for the living.  I'd prefer to be donated to science, but the Mr. says he'd rather not, since I don't have a strong feeling, eh, whatever helps him move past it wins.  Although I did say I'd come haunt him if he didn't donate my organs.</div><div>
    </div>
  • I don't want to be in an urn.  Basically, take my ashes and half of the dogs ashes and sprinkle over a certain state park (right now, the location could change later).

    DH wants a green burial, which I know limits where he can be buried.  Neither one of us want gravesites to visit.  We both think they're a horrible and wasteful use of space and resources.  If DH could have his way, I'd just bury him in the same park I'm wanting to be sprinkled.

    I cannot imagine this want changing even if either one of us remarried.
  • DG1DG1 member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper

    Agreed. No way am I getting buried. And I don't beleive in an afterlife, so I don't see how it matters if my husband's useless carcass has another useless carcass next to it. 

    My grandmother bought a pair when my grandfather died. Then it was almost 20 years later before she died, and she told my mom she wanted to be cremated and "put the ashes in the concrete vase by his headstone. If I blow away, I blow away."  <-- so her

    Anyway, she is in an urn at my parents' house. We also put her driver's license in there and an airplane-sized bottle of Jack Daniels. 

    But yes, all of that is for the living. 

    I know H is an organ donor, but other than that, I don't really know what he would prefer.

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  • DH doesn't care how he's buried so I'll probably do whatever is cheapest.
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