Is This Ok?

mojo348

It has been awhile since I've visited the community boards here but find I'm in need of advice from other bride to be's. 

My fiance and I got engaged March 2009.  Because of our busy lives and the wedding we wanted, we set the date for January 1, 2011.  So here we are just under 9 months to go!  This past weekend my 20-year old brother got engaged to his long distance 20-year old girlfriend of 6 months.  My brother is a Marine and will be deployed to Afghanistan mid January 2011.  Although I have reservations about the hasty engagement, I am thrilled for them.  It is an amazing feeling to find that person you are going to spend forever with and I want nothing but for him to be happy. 

Here is the "problem"....They set their wedding date for December 23, 2010 - 9 days before us!  I want to be happy and excited about this wedding but I can't help but feel this is selfish and immature on their part and that they are cutting in on my finace's and my "time". 

Is it okay that they have done this?  Is it unreasonable for me to feel like this?  I would like unbiased outside opinions.

tawillers

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_this-ok?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:94360810-e44b-4b73-ae80-a16d000e20e5Post:0a511f76-9a53-4d29-8116-e18e10da5c54">Is This Ok?</a>:
[QUOTE]It has been awhile since I've visited the community boards here but find I'm in need of advice from other bride to be's.  My fiance and I got engaged March 2009.  Because of our busy lives and the wedding we wanted, we set the date for January 1, 2011.  So here we are just under 9 months to go!  This past weekend my 20-year old brother got engaged to his long distance 20-year old girlfriend of 6 months.  My brother is a Marine and will be deployed to Afghanistan mid January 2011.  Although I have reservations about the hasty engagement, I am thrilled for them.  It is an amazing feeling to find that person you are going to spend forever with and I want nothing but for him to be happy.  Here is the "problem"....They set their wedding date for December 23, 2010 - 9 days before us!  I want to be happy and excited about this wedding but I can't help but feel this is selfish and immature on their part and that they are cutting in on my finace's and my "time".  Is it okay that they have done this?  Is it unreasonable for me to feel like this?  I would like unbiased outside opinions.
Posted by mojo348[/QUOTE]

Is it OK?  Are you asking their permission?

I'm sure several others will also tell you that you get one day.  One. 

Contrary to what you may believe, I doubt they are doing it to hurt your feelings.  I'm sure they didn't think about the timing between their wedding and yours.  It sounds like they just want to get married before he leaves.

**O-Face**

It does suck, but it's just one day.  You'll have yours a few days after them, and it'll still be enjoyable.

loveshine1

I wouldn't worry about it, because his choice of dates are pretty limited if he's being deployed.

You get one day, and you'll still have a great time.

MinM

Are they going to have a big ceremony and reception?

genahubbard

Can't you change your date? I'm sure you haven't sent STDs or invites yet. Many halls will let you change the date booked if you do it far enough in advance. 9 months is pretty far in advance.

I see why they are doing it when they are doing it-they want to spend a little time together as husband & wife before he leaves. He's grabbing life & soaking it up-I'm sure it's in the back of his mind that he'd better enjoy it now because he's going to a dangerous place and no one is promised tomorrow.

If I were you, I'd congratulate them, support them and change my date!
(unless you want to do a DOUBLE WEDDING???)

Calumet

I do understand why you're disappointed, it's a bit insensitive of him, but unfortunately he really doesn't have a lot of options (I would go for November or something if I were him... Dec. 23 is a bit rough on people). People are right, technically you get a day - though I'd say a weekend, if my brother planed his wedding the same weekend, I'd say that's crossing a line. So I would do my best to move past it and be happy for him.

Here's my personal experience for what it's worth, how we decided what appropriate dates were:

My FI and his brother are both getting married. His brother and his wife-to-be picked their day first: mid-June 2010. We wanted the same general time, but didn't want to be too close. We figured that would be hard on each other, and his side of the family. Late July/August was later than we wanted to go, so we settled on May 1st, a full 6 weeks ahead. I think that's pretty conscientious.