Re: Children sleeping with the parents

loveshine1

I side eye the kid's sleeping in the parent's bed.

I was not allowed to sleep with my parents in their bed. I am not planning on allowing my children to sleep with me and DH in our bed.

They will have their own rooms with their own beds. There is no reason to sleep in ours.

Thoughts?

Cant_wait!

I don't plan to let my kids sleep with me, no. But I'm not a parent yet and things may change.

HookaPants

I wasn't allowed to sleep in the bed with my mother. I will not allow my children in my bed.

Shall I tell you the story of my uncle who slept with his mother until he was 12/13 and was never spanked? I can tell you it ends with him in jail.

*Candi*

I'm not into co-sleeping because 1- it's another habit you have to eventually break (unless you are the weirdos in the post below) like pacifiers, bottles, etc. and 2- I don't like anyone touching me when I sleep.

NOLABridesmaid

I only remember sleeping with my parents a few times. Most of the times when I had a bad dream, sleeping on their floor was enough to make me feel better.

Plus, they made me sleep in the middle, and I got tired of the elbows.

I would sometimes beg my sister to let me sleep with her, but that usually didn't happen often.

AuntFlo

I will say that sometimes we wish Eva would sleep with us because she is so cuddly and sweet, and we just want to spend more time with her.  That being said, she doesn't sleep with us for numerous reasons - here are the two major ones:
1 - It's important that a child feel safe and comfortable in their own bed.
2 - It's important that the child understands that Mommy and Daddy's worlds do not complete revolve around the child.


Andplusalso, she thinks it's play time when she's in our bed and won't sit still.  Last time we were on vacation, there was a night where she would not go to sleep, so we brought her into bed with us.  I think I slept for 1 hour total.

TheDuckis

When we were little we'd crawl into bed with my parents when we woke up in the morning. I'd probably allow that, but I think the whole family bed thing is 31 flavors of creepy.

hmonkey

the defense i have heard is that they didn't plan to co-sleep; it just happened.

i was not allowed to sleep in my parents' bed.  part of this was accomplished by my parents and i have different bedtimes, and another part was a lock on their door.  also, this was never an "option."  i was allowed to sleep on the couch or my floor, but no one else's bed.

btw, i know a child who is having the same upbringing at hooka's uncle.  child is 13 and still sleeps in mom and dad's bed.  child attends a $18k/year montessori school.  i don't think that a good education is going to prevent him from being a serial killer.

loveshine1

I agree with both of your points, AF.

Wonderw1fe

My friend J gave me a roadmap for this. She or her husband put him to sleep in their bed, but then transferred him to the bassinet when it was Mom & Dad's sleepytime. That lasted 4 weeks. At one month, Godson was moved to his own crib in his own room and there he's stayed. They have done the same thing w/ the new baby. She is now a month old and is in her own room.

I find this totally reasonable and plan to copy it.

HookaPants

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_re-children-sleeping-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:98d7c68a-d95d-45be-bec3-dfb3699117e6Post:3768e1c9-6630-4f71-b121-d6833d1d0e1b">Re: Children sleeping with the parents</a>:
[QUOTE]My friend J gave me a roadmap for this. She or her husband put him to sleep in their bed, but then transferred him to the bassinet when it was Mom & Dad's sleepytime. That lasted 4 weeks. At one month, Godson was moved to his own crib in his own room and there he's stayed. They have done the same thing w/ the new baby. She is now a month old and is in her own room. I find this totally reasonable and plan to copy it.
Posted by Wonderw1fe[/QUOTE]

<em>::snatch::</em> Just in case my plan for sticking the kid in his own room from jump doesn't work. 

baconsmom

See, we didn't have any place for a crib until we moved into the house, when Bacon was about 6 months. We tried having her in the carseat/carrier thing, but as soon as she needed to be fed, she was in bed, so it was just easier to keep her there. 

Of course, as soon as we had the space, she was in her own crib. It helped that she weaned at the same time, too, so we didn't have any midnight feeding issues. If we have another one, I'd do it the same way - cosleeping until we're done with the tits, and then into the crib. In the crib for naps, too, so it's not unfamiliar. (We wouldn't have room for a bassinette or crib in the room, but we do have a king-sized bed.) 

I don't understand why people seem to think it's an all-or-nothing proposition. I mean, you don't buy all the kids clothes for 18 years when they're born, do you? The kid changes, yes? Why shouldn't the family change as well?

Heffalump

I know some people do it just fine, but I'm in Candi's camp about having one more habit to break.  I have enough to do as it is.

That said, there was a two week spell when DD was waking at 4:30 and would only fall back to sleep in our bed.  (This was when she was about 10 weeks old, give or take.)  We did it in the short term so everyone could get some sleep, but then we transitioned her back to her crib all night ASAP.  And now?  That kid is in a different corner of her crib every time I check on her.  No way could she sleep in our bed.

DG1

I think the age of the kid is one critical factor here, and there are TONS of shades of gray between "never" and "until they're 13." 

I know I hold the record as the worst WW parent, but I will say that occasional cosleeping under certain conditions has worked and is working well for us.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I never remember sleeping in my parents' bed. I won't let my kids do that, either. I'm fine with a side-carrier for the bed thing for the first couple months, and then gradually moving the baby into his or her own crib, and then his or her own room.

DG1

Oh, and I don't think I ever (since I can remember, anyway) slept in my parents' bed.  But when Dad went OOT on business, my brother (or my brother and I) slept in their bed with mom while he was gone.  It was sortof a fun slumber party-type thing.  I even slept there when he traveled well into my teens, because their bed was about 1000 times more comfortable than mine, and I slept MUCH better there.

GBCK

I always get a bit squirrley on this from the safety issue...
but with me it IS a safety issue.  I've had sleepy issues since I was an infant; they're not getting better.  I also have been known to pick things up, infant sized, and hurl them across the room in my sleep. 
ANd both the Mr. and I, when all is well, take sleepy pills.

No Buffy in the bed, risk = to high.

jojobrn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_re-children-sleeping-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:98d7c68a-d95d-45be-bec3-dfb3699117e6Post:e3b258b7-8011-4665-8f7d-3e4ba10a737c">Re: Children sleeping with the parents</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, and I don't think I ever (since I can remember, anyway) slept in my parents' bed.  But when Dad went OOT on business, my brother (or my brother and I) slept in their bed with mom while he was gone.  It was sortof a fun slumber party-type thing.  I even slept there when he traveled well into my teens, because their bed was about 1000 times more comfortable than mine, and I slept MUCH better there.
Posted by DG1[/QUOTE]

I remember doing this a few times with my mom, but we never shared the bed with both of them.

Wonderw1fe

We only slept in my dad's bed if we were home sick from school. If Dad was there, we were in our own beds. If there was a nightmare (which I had plenty as a kid), he'd come  get in our bed until we went back to sleep. Then he'd go back to his room. I think that helped me more than sleeping in his bed after a nightmare. Otherwise, I think it teaches "my bed = scary/ parents' bed = safe".

*Barbie*

our kids will not sleep in bed with us for any reason. 

1) I don't want them to get in the habit/think it's ok - Like Candi said, just another habit to break

2) safety - i move A LOT when I sleep - I talk, steal the blankets, i've kicked or elbowed DH, I've pulled DH's pillow out from under his head and threw it across the room, and I've started to dry-hump DH. It's not a regular thing, but usually 1-2 times per month he tells me that I did something weird while I was asleep. I'd be afraid of hurting the kid. 

3) bcbc - i like to enjoy my alone time with DH - and I know we'll have a lot less once we have kids. this is our time to relax, cuddle, get jiggy wit it, etc. 

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_re-children-sleeping-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:98d7c68a-d95d-45be-bec3-dfb3699117e6Post:3257143d-7f2c-4e62-bc8a-6bfdbb971c9e">Re: Children sleeping with the parents</a>:
[QUOTE]our kids will not sleep in bed with us for any reason.  1) I don't want them to get in the habit/think it's ok - Like Candi said, just another habit to break 2) safety - i move A LOT when I sleep - I talk, steal the blankets, i've kicked or elbowed DH, I've pulled DH's pillow out from under his head and threw it across the room, <strong>and I've started to dry-hump DH. </strong>It's not a regular thing, but usually 1-2 times per month he tells me that I did something weird while I was asleep. I'd be afraid of hurting the kid.  3) bcbc - i like to enjoy my alone time with DH - and I know we'll have a lot less once we have kids. this is our time to relax, cuddle, get jiggy wit it, etc. 
Posted by *Barbie*[/QUOTE]

Bwahaha

*Barbie*

Oh, i know. he gets a kick out of it, and I get woken up for 3am bcbc. 

6fsn

As a kid I couldn't sleep in their bed.  The floor yes, never the bed.  When we are all home sleeping arrangements get a little wacky.  I've shared with my mom or my sister.  10 adults, 7 kids, 5 bedrooms you sleep as you will.

6let started in a bassinet in his room from day 1.  There was a period that he was waking up at 3 am and not wanting to go back to sleep.  We'd bring him in to our bed.  This happened for 4 monthsish and I said we had to break the habit.

nicoleg1982

I do no cosleep for AF's reasons, but also I don't sleep if she's in bed with me - I panic that any move I make will wake her up or that I'll crush her or something.  Sometimes, we nap together on the weekends, but that normally involves DD sleeping on my chest on the couch or something.  I know it works for some people, but it would never work for us on the regular.  

And we did the same thing - if Dad was OOT, we slept with Mom like a slumber party.  One night only kinda thing.  

NOLABridesmaid

Kids already rob you of your sleep, money, perky boobs, couple time, so you're telling me I have to give up my bed too.

Nooooooooo.

*Candi*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_re-children-sleeping-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:98d7c68a-d95d-45be-bec3-dfb3699117e6Post:31474b88-0a2d-4c12-b879-4a99579becb2">Re: Children sleeping with the parents</a>:
[QUOTE]I think the age of the kid is one critical factor here, and there are TONS of shades of gray between "never" and "until they're 13." <strong> I know I hold the record as the worst WW parent,</strong> but I will say that occasional cosleeping under certain conditions has worked and is working well for us.
Posted by DG1[/QUOTE]


So I catch up here and there and I feel like I've read this more than once. Am I supposed to be all "cry me a river" or what?