Wedding Woes

Psychotic Ex G/F

Sooo I'm getting married in 38 days, I can't wait!! BUT my fiance's ex girl friend is now going around and telling people that she plans on showing up at the Church to ruin our wedding. She's also been theatening our mutual friends who are invited guests telling them "they better not come to our wedding". Do I have a right to call her out to her face?

I've already tried sending her a facebook message and calling her on the phone (left a voicemail) but she's completely ignoring me with no response. Both times I was extremely respectful because I don't want to start a fight, I just want the nonsense to stop- this is my wedding we're talking about.

Here's the back story- I've been dating my fiance for 5 years now. We met in high school, while he was dating another girl (his ex). It was well known high school drama that he was always in love with me, and his ex knew this because she found IM conversations we had together that he saved on his computer. They dated for little over a year in high school and broke up when he was a freshman in college. After his freshman year of college when he came home for summer (I had just graduated high school) is when we started dating (about 6 months after they broke up). Of course there was drama with her in the beginning, but we were young and stupid and it went both ways. I tried apologising to her for all the mean things I said a few years ago, she refused to accept my apology and continued to talk sh*t about me but I decided to just ignore it. For at least 3 years now I was under the impression it was water under the bridge and everyone had long since forgotten all about it.
image

Re: Psychotic Ex G/F

  • zsazsa-stlzsazsa-stl member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Why is it up to you to stop her?  You weren't the one that dated her.  Where is your FI during all of this?
    image

    I just a friendly gal looking for options.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • ~~Busy.~~~~Busy.~~ member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Your FI needs to handle this. 
  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    you should totally confront her in person. on Springer.

    is one of you a midget? are you willing to get naked on camera? have less teeth or fingers than most people? would you wrestle in wedding cake for your man? all of these will help your chances of being featured.
  • GBCKGBCK member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    wouldn't you just kick her out if she shows up?

    jumping into drama with both feet because gossip says she's saying crap ain't the way to go. (and that is what you're doing)

    You make contingency plans (that your FI is in on and agrees w/) for IF she shows up and unless that happens, you ignore her.
  • edited December 2011
    I don't want it to get to the point where I'm planning anything around her. I have enough stress with the regular wedding planning, I don't need to make back up plans for if she shows up.

    And yes- it's pathetic that this is even an issue because it does sound like a ridiculous jerry springer episode. I honestly didn't think there was any way this could be a problem because it happend so long ago. We havent seen or heard anything from this girl in years.

    I couldn't be more stressed out and now this is just one more thing added to my list to worry about. I've heard it from multiple people that she's told- that are friends of hers but also mutual friends of me & my fiance. The closer it gets to the day the more people keep telling me new things- making my stress level pop through the roof.

    I just feel like talking with her in person face to face like 2 adults should be able to do will help me destress cause that's the last thing I need to worry about on my wedding day.
    image
  • GBCKGBCK member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    by 'contingency plan' I don't mean "okay, so we cancle the dove release and we all hide our heads under our TOJ packets.
    Send the Ring Bear after her with a ribbon wand as a distraction while we make our escape"

    I mean "Okay, is it Ok if I ask Burly McLinebacker and John Therapist to escourt her out?" and then have a conversation w/ these guys ahead of time so they're on the alert and willing to escourt her out.


    You truly think that having a face-to-face conversation w/ someone that you refer to as psychotic will HELP?  You say talk like 2 adults, but ASSUming you're right about her, she's not an 'adult', right?
      Why on earth would you think that engaging the crazy would help?  If she TRULY is crazy enough to try to crash your wedding, what would feeding into her drama fantasies (and having the conversation face to face is feeding into them) do to prevent it? 
  • edited December 2011
    I guess you're right... if she's still bothered enough by our relationship (5 years later) to plan (or even just talk about) crashing our wedding then she's probably not going to be resonable if I confront her.

    I just want to not have to worry about this. I thought maybe if I could get her in person in a neutral location that I could sit down with her and just talk it out. I just don't get where this is still coming from. There's no reason for this high school drama at this age.
    image
  • ~~Busy.~~~~Busy.~~ member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    She probably has nothing else to talk about. Saying something so outrageous as "i'm going to ruin her wedding" is getting her lots of attention.  If she hangs out with people who are like her they will egg her on for thier own amusement and be happy to spread the word.
  • kjsbride2008kjsbride2008 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Send her these links and instruct her to watch them in this order:

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • nicoleg1982nicoleg1982 member
    5000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    DED @ kjs.
    imageimage
  • edited December 2011
    LOL love the links!!

    UGH i just wish i knew if this was all talk and her just trying to get attention or if this is something i actually need to worry about. i have no idea. i'm just so sick of hearing her name associated with MY wedding!
    image
  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    I think I missed the post where OP responded to both zsazsa and Busy and explained why her FI wasn't dealing with this.
  • edited December 2011
    I know he would gladly say something to her but I know him and it won't be anything nice. He absolutely HATES her and it would just end in him cursing her out. I feel like that would just add more fuel to the fire and make her want to do something more. And I'm pretty sure part of her motivation here is just to get another shot at talking to him. For the first year and half we were together she would continuously try to talk to him and beg him to go back out with her and he made it very clear he was not interested. Then it stopped and we haven't heard anything from her in years, I assumed she finally moved on with her own life. And now 6 weeks from our wedding all of a sudden I have to deal with this BS. 
    image
  • mrshellem2012mrshellem2012 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_psychotic-ex-gf?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:9a80c954-2ca3-46d1-8a49-91fe28eef02bPost:4900bb39-5a24-4a7a-82b8-de62e0efe348">Re: Psychotic Ex G/F</a>:
    [QUOTE]by 'contingency plan' I don't mean "okay, so we cancle the dove release and we all hide our heads under our TOJ packets. Send the Ring Bear after her with a ribbon wand as a distraction while we make our escape" I mean "Okay, is it Ok if I ask Burly McLinebacker and John Therapist to escourt her out?" and then have a conversation w/ these guys ahead of time so they're on the alert and willing to escourt her out. You truly think that having a face-to-face conversation w/ someone that you refer to as psychotic will HELP?  You say talk like 2 adults, but ASSUming you're right about her, she's not an 'adult', right?   Why on earth would you think that engaging the crazy would help?  If she TRULY is crazy enough to try to crash your wedding, what would feeding into her drama fantasies (and having the conversation face to face is feeding into them) do to prevent it? 
    Posted by GBCK[/QUOTE]
    Uh YA!!!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker image Future Mrs.Hellem
  • edited December 2011
    I just want to say thank you everyone for responding to my thread! It really helped me to just hear other opinions. It's hard to look at a situation like this objectively when you're involved in it. I'm glad my friends on theKnot were here to give good advice. I'm going to ignore the situation and try to forget about it, since I have enough real wedding planning to worry about. The ushers will be warned and will know what she looks like and will stop her from entering the church, and key family members and friends have also been advised of the situation and will also be keeping an eye out for me.
    Thanks again everyone! I really apprecaite it
    image
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards