Uninvited and unwanted +1

kdougan1

My FI's childhood best friend just RSVP'd for our wedding in April. However, he added a +1. This, in itself, is not really an issue. What is an issue is that his new girl is my guy's ex and my childhood ex-friend. We have a very long and very bad history. I am honestly shocked that she would even dream of coming to our wedding in the first place but it was her handwriting on the RSVP. How do we deal with this situation? The last time I saw K we ended up in a fist fight... I do not want to repeat this experience at my wedding.

MinM

Maybe K wants a repeat.

acrain43

You don't want to sour relations between your FI and his best friend from childhood - that's never a good way to start.  Explain to your FI the way you're feeling, and see how he feels.  Maybe he isn't comfortable with her being there, either.  If that's the case, then he'll need to have a talk with his friend.  If that isn't the case, unless you think she is vindictive enough to do something during the wedding, then take a deep breath and turn away from the issue.  Either way, it is your and your FI's day to be unconditionally happy, so don't let one petty person ruin it - that's something of which you can take control.

kdougan1

Just to clarify... my FI doesn't want her there any more than I do. We just aren't sure how to handle it.

4LeafClover3

Wow... this is quite the rude thing to do. Unless your FI's friend has no clue about the animosity between you and this girl (and I highly doubt that) then you need to have an upfront and honest conversation with him. He can't possibly think that inviting a girl that you physically fought with would be a good idea. If he does... then he isn't a good friend to begin with. Just tell him that you are not ok with this girl being present at one of the most important days of your life and give him reasons why. That you want him there in the worst way but that BOTH of you are not ok with her being there. Handle this in a mature manner. No accusing, raising voices, having an attitude... just talking. You absolutely should NOT have this girl at your wedding. Even if she was on her best behavior you would be in a constant worry whether or not she was going to start something. And that is the LAST thing you want to have on your wedding day. If the friend gets upset and says that he won't come without her then I guess he won't be attending either. Honestly... what kind of friend would do that to you in the first place? So talk to him but be firm and stand your ground that she is not to come. It is too important of a day. Good luck, honey!

Paulo's Menina Bela

How long have these two been an item? You can't invite half of a couple.

phunluvin82

I think since it's FI's friend, you should have him be the one to talk to the guy and explain to him that both of you don't want this girl there and why.  BUT, I would be prepared for an ultimatum of sorts...if he is serious with this girl, he may say that it's either both of them, or neither of them.  So, before your FI talks to him, the 2 of you should discuss ahead of time what you want to do if you are faced with that choice.

ReturnOfKuus

I think your FI needs to ask his friend what in the hell he was thinking, adding FI's ex as an uninvited plus one.  Really, I don't see why he hasn't already done this.  IMO if you're not close enough friends to be able to talk like that, then you're not close enough to be invited to the wedding anyway.

ReturnOfKuus

And I am also giving the side-eye at the Dawson's Creek social incest going on here.  Your FI used to date her, and you used to be friends with her, and now you've all partner-swapped.  Aren't there more than two men and two women in your neck of the woods?